death help: how do you comfort someone who’s mother has cancer, and - Help.com

my friends dad died of cancer, and i felt the same way. pretty much all i could do was listen, and show that i care by going to his funeral. and that ended up being enough. just tell the person that you really care and that even if you don’t know how to make it better you’ll do anything you can.

Just be there and let them know you care about how they are feeling. Usually there is nothing specific you can do. Feel with your heart and let it guide you. Sometimes all I say is ‘This really sucks .. is there anything specific I can do to help you?’

There really is nothing you can do. Life dishes out these situations where we have no solutions … just ‘moral support’. You don’t have to let it drain every bit from you. Feel how you feel, don’t pretend … don’t avoid or ignore, be present. Some times general things like making sure basic needs are met. Are you cold? Can I go get us something to eat? Would you like to go take a walk and get some fresh air? How a bout a soda? Is this a good time for a chocolate sunday?

Those kind of diversions can be good and they let the person know you care … which is the biggest support you can give.

I am glad you care.

Validation of their experience. Don’t try to minimize it. Be present with them in it.

Also, it may be appropriate to share pleasant memories of her mother. Memories the two of you share. Let her know you will miss her mother also and that you really appreciate who her mother is. Reassure her that these memories are things the two of you will always share.

It hurts when a loved one is dying. Let her hurt and be there to cushion the pain. Again, offer comfort items, blankets, water, cozy pillows .. walks … comfort foods. What ever seems appropriate. Yes, this is your FRIEND I am talking about and not her mother. Though you could offer to sit with her while she sits with her mother if this is the type of friendship you have … if it is within the boundaries of your friendship.

“You have told me your mother has been such a big support person for you. Your Mom must have enormous love for you. You are blessed to have had such a mother in your life. She must have taught you alot.”

These are validation statements and help connect her to the strengths her mother has attempted to instill in her. And they are very real and valid statements. Stuff like this helps her find her strength.

You are welcome. Good luck and I commend you on your desire to find out how to BE there for her.