friends help: My girlfriend and I broke up months ago.

Atticus

My girlfriend and I broke up months ago.

We were living together for a year in a foreign country. She slept with someone on a business trip and it hurt me more than I cared to admit. I wanted to move out - not simply to break up but I felt we moved obviously too fast moving in and needed space. I didn’t. In the months that followed she withdrew, gave no affection or affirmation of any kind. I was stressed because I had stayed in the country a year to be with her but had to leave in 4 weeks, she had another job offer in a different country, and wouldn’t talk about any of it. When she went away maybe out of lonlieness or plain giving up, or because I was angry or the bar had been lowered. I went and met a random person and kissed them - I might have done more but I didn’t. It turned out to be her old best friend turned worst enemy in the city for one week. I was overcome by guilt, told her of course, and she asked me to leave. I did. We spoke on two brief occasions before I left the country to return to North America where she either spewed hate at me or refused to talk about “the past.” I left the country broken in every way possible. I lost my whole community, people I considered family on some level and an entire cultural mental shift in my head. She will never speak to me again and I feel like I was used as a scapegoat. Possibly she had slept with the guy who gave here the job she was leaving for. I don’t know. All I know is I’m so messed up in my head now. I flux from being so guilty and grief stricken over my own ultimate failing and extreme anger and hurt because I feel almost set-up by the person I loved most and hurt more that we never spoke again and I have to deal with it. I could use some advice

This open post was written 1 year ago | V/U/S: 557, 10, 3 | Edit Post | Leave a reply | Report Post

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Since writing this post Atticus may have helped people, but has not within the last 4 days. Atticus is a verified member, has been around for 1 year and has 1 posts and 19 replies to their name.

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friends, North America, Culture, City, Community, life, business, randomness, Family, set (How Tags Affect Reciprocity)

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Patrick27 0 #
An Undisclosed Location | 1 year ago (18 minutes after post)

The fact that she slept with someone else but hates you for kissing her friend, says alot about her. It seems that this relationship is a wash..let it go. You say yourself that you moved to fast with her, well learn from this and take things a bit slower the next time you get involved with somone. Take some time for yourself to adjust to being back in the states. If you absolutely need some closure, attempt to contact your ex after a couple months and explain what happend. Hopefully you 2 can be mature about it and move on from there.

Atticus 0 #
An Unknown Location | 1 year ago (57 minutes after post)

Thanks. I have tried (to move on, to talk to her) she has turned me into a demon. I have never felt so much rge and so many conflicted emotions. In all of them is love and I can’t del with her hate and how she completely cut off communication. I was normal healthy and optimistic about everything in life before this. I spent a month basically homeless and alone during Christmas and New years. Was thrown out of my house by a Nun who was a friend and a 17 year old girl we were housing. My mind can’t deal with it. I had to leave after that with no resolution, over a kiss, that I think was more some weird reaction to stress because I was cracking under the pressures of making huge life decisions that included her with no affirmation, or affection after her sleeping with another man while I booked her hotels. I am so angry and so hertbroken at the same time and in culture shock and job transition and spending everything I had in the relationship. I feel so abused and don’t know how to reconcile all the feelings without talking to her. And she won’t even allow me that.

Patrick27 0 #
An Undisclosed Location | 1 year ago (1 hour, 12 minutes after post)

There is no easy solution to this problem. If you can, reconnect with some family members or friends a.s.a.p. This situation will take some time to resolve itself and it would be nice if you has some people in your life to keep your mind off of it. If your working, really throw yourself into it, spend as much time as you can keeping busy so you dont have to think about her. Feeling bad about what happend is natural, you were given no closure. Give yourself adequate amount of time to be sad, but then put it behind you. This one moment in your life doesnt define who you are. Sometimes people turn out to be the opposite of what we think they are. There is nothing you can do to change it, you are only in control of your own actions. Its not your fault that she left you, it just wasnt meant to be, now you are free to find that special someone that is right for you.

Atticus 0 #
An Unknown Location | 1 year ago (1 hour, 20 minutes after post)

I don’t understand people who deal with things that way. I’ve never had a relationship end (and had very long term ones.) Where people don’t ever talk again (which to me is the most extreme form of hate.) People make all kinds of mistakes as they navigate life. I could forgive just about anything and believe most things are fixable short of somoeone killing or hurting another. If a person realizes they have done wrong you move on from there. It just seems so viscious and I don’t understand it. I’ve never had a relationship end so horridly. Why would someone never speak to another person again??? It is so vicious I can’t understand it!? I was never abusive verbally, or physically, I was caring. I didn’t feel it was a hateful relationship in any way. If she feels betrayed fine, but it was nothing! It meant nothing and I’m sure on some stupid level it was me reacting to her sleeping with someone else. Can you explain to me why someone would never talk to another person again? I really don’t get it?

Patrick27 0 #
An Undisclosed Location | 1 year ago (1 hour, 33 minutes after post)

There is nothing you can do but speculate as to why she is acting this way. I think that you didnt know her as well as you thought, and she really is a just a selfish, shallow, person.( Sociopath perhaps?)The fact is that most decent people would not act with such hatred for no reason.This is also a confusing situation to me. It is a very unusual way to handle things..im sorry that i cant be of more help, but you have to come to the understanding that you may never know why she acted this way.

Cell 54 #
Winnipeg, MB, CA | 1 year ago (1 hour, 42 minutes after post)

She shouldn’t have treated you that way, and you’re right, it’s mostly not your fault. She’s one of those people who can’t say “it’s over” when she would be the one to blame, so she had to wait until she could justify breaking things off with you. I suspect she wanted to long before “the kiss” that’s why she slept with someone else, was being cold to you and moving away.

There’s nothing you can do but move on. I hope you find a girl more worthy of you.

Help me with: My 7 year old daughter says she wants to be an artist when she grows up.

xv5080mpc100 #
An Unknown Location | 1 year ago (2 hours, 15 minutes after post)

Women sleep with other men for ‘reasons’.

Your ‘puppy dog’ hurt thing is probably annoying and uber uncomfortable to her. YOU need to be WAY more assertive in your discussions. It’s tricky. Be firm but don’t put her on the defensive because she’ll clam up.

She OWES you explanations and the real reason for doing this. The sooner she does the sooner you’ll leave her alone.

Something you did?
Something you didn’t do?
Something you couldn’t give her?
Is this something she’s been doing the whole time?
Is he the first?

These may seem like cold hard questions, but these are the answers you’re seeking. and these are answers that will give YOU closure and reveal your path to your own healing.

This account has been deactivated.

Atticus 0 #
An Unknown Location | 1 year ago (2 hours, 34 minutes after post)

That’s fine! All I wan’t are answers. I’m not fragile that way at all. She controls every situation to be in control so I have to admit she makes for a weak “puppy dog” man, because to be honest she was in a power position. I’m not a weak man I was just beaten into the ground by her. I was in a foriegn country where my language skills were minimal, had gotten sick. It wasn’t who I was! It makes me uber uncomfortble too!!!!! No man wants to be the puppy dog! Whatever the reason I’m fine with but why beat a man when he’s down who cared about you!? It’s vicious. I don’t get it.

Atticus 0 #
An Unknown Location | 1 year ago (2 hours, 39 minutes after post)

Thanks for all the replies. I need to get over it. I really don’t understand peoples delusions. I can handle a normal break I feel like she is a complete political psycopath though. And I loved her so I’m messed up between protecting myself and dealing with her wrath and still feeling horrid over a F$%#%ing kiss because I did care about her!

Atticus 0 #
An Unknown Location | 1 year ago (2 hours, 40 minutes after post)

Sorry feeling too hurt by it all. Thanks again for the replies. They do help.

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My girlfriend and I broke up months ago.

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