friends help: He’s left us but why? - Help.com

Maybe he just feels he needs to expand his circle a bit, or refresh his friendships with people he’s known longer?

I’d give him a little bit of space -a few days, then send him a note and invite him out for lunch or something. That will give you a chance to ask if anything or anyone has been bothering him.

Dragon_Lady wrote:
Maybe he just feels he needs to expand his circle a bit, or refresh his friendships with people he’s known longer?

I’d give him a little bit of space -a few days, then send him a note and invite him out for lunch or something. That will give you a chance to ask if anything or anyone has been bothering him.

Yeah, I was thinking that me might just want to keep his old friendships going too, but he could at least say ‘hello’ to us when he sees us. To us (well, to me at least anyway)it seems like he used us to get through his ‘hard time’ and now everythings settled, he doesn’t need us anymore.
I am upset about it because I valued him as a friend and I thought he valued us but he’s gone and treat us like this. I guess Im kinda confused atm…
I think I will give him space….maybe until Monday or Tuesday. Then, Ill ask whats going on.
Thank you for answering :)
x

Maybe something happened that offended him without you and your friends realizing it. No matter why he is acting this way a calm, non-confrontational conversation about it is the only way to really find out. He is going through a big chasnge in his life by coming out; losing his friends he had before can’t have felt very good for him. He may be dealing with problems that are hard for you to understand.

veg_head wrote:
Maybe something happened that offended him without you and your friends realizing it. No matter why he is acting this way a calm, non-confrontational conversation about it is the only way to really find out. He is going through a big chasnge in his life by coming out; losing his friends he had before can’t have felt very good for him. He may be dealing with problems that are hard for you to understand.

Ive been trying to think if we have done anything to offend him.
Me and my friends have talked about it…
Nothing comes to mind.
I am angry at him currently but Id never confront him nastily.
Ill just ask him why he’s doing what he is doing.
I know losing his friends hurt him bad and what they did was mean, so why would he choose to go back to him after that? Especially if it means leaving us - the friends who actually helped him through it!
I really can’t understand him at present. Maybe he is confused and needs time, but as I said above; this doesn’t mean he should blank us completely.
He may just be doing the ignoring unwittingly (like, maybe he didn’t see us when we saw him..) but I don’t know.

Thank you for answering
x

maybe some one died in his family ? why not go straight to him and ask ….

I bet he’s just trying to adjust to figuring out where he wants to be. He’s probably excited that his old friends are accepting him back and he is getting carried away with reconnecting. He wants so badly to be accepted by the people he was friends with for so long. Just keep inviting him to things and asking him to hang out. He’ll settle into balancing his friends or he doesn’t deserve to be friends with you.

Arcana wrote:
I bet he’s just trying to adjust to figuring out where he wants to be. He’s probably excited that his old friends are accepting him back and he is getting carried away with reconnecting. He wants so badly to be accepted by the people he was friends with for so long. Just keep inviting him to things and asking him to hang out. He’ll settle into balancing his friends or he doesn’t deserve to be friends with you.

He most probably is trying to adjust.
I do think he’s really confused at the moment - over his sexuality, who he wants to be with etc. I know this year has been huge for him, what with coming out as gay and such. I also know it hasn’t been the easiest year for him. However, as I said above, this doesn’t mean that he has to shun us - the people who have been there for him through the toughest part of this year! He could at least have the decency to say hello to us! I think I’ll/we’ll just have to give it a bit of time. Then ask him why he isn’t even giving us the time of day. Maybe he’ll work out who he wants to be with soon. I just hope he is sure on whatever decision he makes and does what makes him happy. Maybe, as you said, he doesn’t deserve to be friends with us and maybe he isn’t the person I thought he was. Guess thats something I (and our group) will just have to deal with!
Thank you for answering :)
x