skyy edited this post 1 year ago. Read the previous text »
This is something a guy wrote whom im talking to atm. We had a little disagreement and he actually got out of bed sat on the floor and wrote out his feelings. I thought that was the sweetest thing ever. After i read it i couldnt hold back my tears so i had to get up and go to the rest room to cry because i didnt want to cry in front of him. I really miss him because he went home for the holidays. This happened a day before he left to go home. I never knew a guy could like me this much. I really didnt…
It is absolutely discouraging and quite frankly angers the hell out of me. It’s like why do I do it? You are so afraid of someone not liking you or someone not accepting you for your flaws and what not , and them potentially walking away, but yet every disagreement , you constantly attempt to be like lets go back to a regular friendship. If I didn’t care the way I do, because you’ve definitely crept into my heart, I certainly would, but feelings make things rather complex and simply difficult to just say “I Quit” and magically things go back to normal. You swear you’ve made compromises, but it seems as if you don’t comprehend that I’ve made compromises to. Yours may be big and I am n no way trying to diminish the things you have conquered and allowed yourself to do/feel when it comes to you and me. But it often seems like yours are physical things that you are becoming comfortable with. You may have sacrificed in other ways 2, but I am saying, how it seems from my perspective. I mean I sacrifice just like you, yes in physical was also, but that’s pretty much trivial to me, I would much rather have you emotionally then physically. I seriously do my best to keep you informed about my interactions, just because I go out of my way to make sure you feel no pain on the account of me, I tolerate you’re your little mood swings and sharp comments, cause I truly believe underneath the impenetrable image you put forth, is a beautiful person who simply wants someone to want them for them and accept them for who they are and not what they want them to be. That’s why I continually attempt to reason with you and continue to just be like “she’s crazy” and press on. But tonight, I just sit and wonder; will this always be the case, where I feel like you’re with me one minute but always got one foot out the door preparing to leave at the slightest sign of trouble. I mean I’m not asking you to be my girlfriend or stopping you from being you, I fully understand you aren’t prepared for a relationship and I’m not trying to trap you into one, just saying whatever we have going is fine with me, but I really don’t like the feeling, that you can just throw it away at the first sign of discomfort.
Tonight I got angry because I simply ask you to answer my questions; I mean to me, it’s very minute and a very little compromise. The manner in which you stop conversations simply because you don’t feel comfortable talking about them or you don’t like the topic is not cool in my personal opinion. How can you ever become comfortable with anything, if you constantly avoid them? Basically, I am saying I compromise with you; I just want some compromise from you. But the choice is ultimately yours, you want to be treated as a friend, I will treat you accordingly. Not what I wish to happen, but hey if that’s what you truly feel then go with it.
It seems to me that you like the guy but don’t want it to move beyond a good close friendship at this time and that’s an honorable request. It also seems to me that he’s treating your request in a respectful manner. He’s told you how he feels, but allows you to move to a space where you are comfortable. I feel he would make a true friend and maybe eventually if wanted by both, something more.
Yes im a bit scared i will admit. I have too many insecurities and negative thoughts to be with someone right now. I mean i am confident and strong minded i just dont notice it sometimes and i dont like how i look physically. Im 20 and hes 19 going on 20 in Dec. but yet he is way more mature than me or any other guy ive talked to in the past and they are all older than him. I have a negative image of men and he calls me a “man hater” everyday lol. Im just scared that if a guy knows im really falling for them they will be thinking, yea i have her now so i can cheat or whatever and she wont even suspect me. Or something to that affect. Basically i dont want to get hurt
skyy invited 3 users to read this post 1 year ago.
Wow…I feel like I am the same way.
I am also very afraid of getting hurt, cheated on, and of letting someone that close. I have a hard time letting a guy know the real me. I think that he couldn’t possibly handle me, and be with me, if he knew what I was really like.
I don’t want to have anyone that close. To have someone know everything about me makes me feel vulnerable and able to be taken advantage of. I can’t open up like that to anyone.
I would advise you to do what I do. Don’t start anything you don’t feel totally sure about. If you have any doubts, then don’t. When you feel ready for a relationship then you will know. If it doesn’t feel right, it could also be the guy. He might seem to be the perfect man, he might be everything you need, but you still don’t feel sure. Then he’s probably not the one for you. I believe that when you meet a guy that is right for you, you will know. There won’t be any doubts. That’s what I believe. And that’s why I don’t jump in to anything I don’t feel sure about.
But the guy you are writing about…He seems really great and it gives me the impression that he genuinely cares about you.
Trust your gut!
Lol why do we think like this?? I never been in a relationship so i dont know if my gut is saying no because im scared and never been in a relationship or no because hes not the one… He really does care i just make myself believe he doesnt
Just a thought for you: Do you know what makes true love work so well? It knowing that the one you love and who loves you knows all your deep dark secrets and still loves you and wants to be with you. By allowing that vulnerability it tears down the walls we build between ourselves and others.
I have no idea! It’s not like we don’t know we are worthy of someones love and devotion! Maybe we’re just weird…too weird for others, haha!
I am comfortable being on my own, and it seems like you are too. So we don’t really NEED a relationship. The time will come for us too.
I haven’t been in a relationship either. But I believe that if you really want to be with someone, it will show and it will automatically be like you are spending a lot of your time with him, just because you want to.
Could you imagine being without him?
Here’s another thought for you: When you’re scared or uncomfortable with your feelings of another then trust your feelings first and foremost. It’s called intuition, everyone has it, it’s what keeps us safe most of the time. People unknowingly send what are called body language signals, some automatically cause a red flag to fly in our brain and we know someone or something isn’t right. Trust yourself and your feelings, when it feels right you’ll know it.
barelytheminimum wrote:
Just a thought for you: Do you know what makes true love work so well? It knowing that the one you love and who loves you knows all your deep dark secrets and still loves you and wants to be with you. By allowing that vulnerability it tears down the walls we build between ourselves and others.
Yes which is why i never feel complete. Im always hiding who i am so theres a disconnection that i always feel. We are in college and what is on everyones mind when they are in school, “GRADES”. Im not doing too good i never make As on anything and im asshamed of that. He always brings up his grades online when hes with me. To me thats a way of bringing them up. Like he expects me to do the same once hes done. I dont, obviously, which probably makes him a little mad or whatnot because he ALWAYS goes online to check his grades when hes with me, ALWAYS. Hes a future thinker meaning he thinks about the future all the time. Im the complete opposite which is bad i know. But i dont think far ahead because when i do i think about how my life might not turn out the way i want. All i know is that i want to be successful and happy. He has a plan which makes me feel inferior. I dont want him to know that so i hide that part of me from him. He is very encouraging but its hard because i feel so dumb, which is another thing i dont want him to know. Being stupid is not attractive. Guys want a girl who is just a smart as them. This is the main thing stopping me from getting close to him other than my insecurities. I dont close to anyone because i dont want ppl to think im stupid. I made myself believe that grades dont determine whether you are intelligent or not but i know thats not true. But thats have i go on each day
Alter Ego wrote:
I have no idea! It’s not like we don’t know we are worthy of someones love and devotion! Maybe we’re just weird…too weird for others, haha!
I am comfortable being on my own, and it seems like you are too. So we don’t really NEED a relationship. The time will come for us too.
I haven’t been in a relationship either. But I believe that if you really want to be with someone, it will show and it will automatically be like you are spending a lot of your time with him, just because you want to.
Could you imagine being without him?
Yea i am way too comfortable being on my own which is making it harder to think about giving up my free time/alone time. Thats a HUGE change and i HATE change. Im introverted so its hard to always be with someone. I really like being with him but im always thinking how i need to leave to eat, shower, etc. But no matter what guy im with i think about that, so i know its not just him. I cant stay in the bed all day only when im by myself. I want to go places and do things together which i never knew til i met him. We both dont have a car so we are limited to what we can do. He lives with his brother who has a car but his brother loves his car so he doesnt let him drive it often. At one point i was going crazy when i wasnt with him. I wanted to be with him every sec of the day. When im not with him im sad…
barelytheminimum wrote:
Here’s another thought for you: When you’re scared or uncomfortable with your feelings of another then trust your feelings first and foremost. It’s called intuition, everyone has it, it’s what keeps us safe most of the time. People unknowingly send what are called body language signals, some automatically cause a red flag to fly in our brain and we know someone or something isn’t right. Trust yourself and your feelings, when it feels right you’ll know it.
Oh trust me he always know when i feel uncomfortable. He said my fav word is “this is weird” lol. Whenever i do something im not use to i say that. It could be little like holding hands or expressing myself to him.
Hi sky, this is the second post Ive seen lately where, two people seem to be putting pressure on what could be just a nice relationship romantic or otherwise.
The complications in it are really being set by you both, you’ve already said that you like him, you miss him when he’s not around etc..he had declared his affections for you as well, so whats the problem here guys !? lol. Sky you have a poor self image, you have to accept that people like and love you for you darling, you like him for who he is don’t you ? you’ve just said that well he feels the same way,don’t analyze so much, relax and enjoy your friendship.
So many want to predict the future you cant do that all you can do is take one day at a time, enjoy each others company and accept that he likes you for you, Its almost a childlike thing, “I like you for you, but your not allowed to like me for me” he has seen qualities in you that he likes sky, Ive seen you on here and I like you too , relax babes let people be fond of you, good friendships are important as the saying goes, ” A good friend is worth their weight in Gold” and they are, Ive got friends Ive had for 25yrs or more.
As I say don’t analyze everything, go with the flow and just enjoy what you have for the now, if he likes you he likes you, don’t fight it girl ! your rejection of his friendship may push him away at a later date, he knows already you may only be happy with a friendship so just relax and enjoy hon. xx :D
I know but its so hard to just go with the flow. I try i really do but it gets harder the closer i get to him. I just want to be with him ALL the time and i know thats not healthy but if im not with him im going crazy. So if hes not calling me or wanting to be with me i start making up stupid stuff in my head. I dont call him like i should because im not a phone person so i expect him to call me. When he doesnt or forgets to call it really upsets me because all i want is to be with him. I give him his space so dont think i just have to have all his attention all the time. But i will try harder to not think or over analyze everything. Thanks for replying to my invite Sasha :)
Btw, i went to the gym this morning!! Your pic inspired me
I think you should relax, and yes, don’t over-analyze.
Its a sure-fire way of ruining something good.
Secondly, you are not inferior to him, jsut because his grades are better than yours.
Grades do not prove intelligence universally, they are only a measure of performance under certain circumstances.
If logic was the only indicator of intelligence, then the majority of women, and about 30-40% of men would be stupid!
And we both know that isn’t the case!
Intelligence comes in all forms.
The fact that you have written an extremely smart and well-expressed post for a start shows how intelligent you are.
It seems that one of your insecurities lies in comparing yourself to others.
Don’t!
You are an amazing individual, and you shouldn’t sell yourself short.
As for the love thing… well you really have to go beyond analysis and reason, because the heart functions on a much higher wavelength than logic.
Emotion.
Do what you feel is right, and if you have doubts than don’t! :)
Wow how did you know so much about me from reading this?? lol
I do compare myself to others and i thought i stopped but obviously i still do it if you noticed it by reading my replies. I cant help it and dont know how to change how i think.
I do base love off of reason which is where i confuse myself. I try to reason everything. I just dont have a clue about love or relationships or feelings…
And every sec i think hes going to stop liking me
Well let me say this my friend….
obviously I’m not saying you should change yourself.
Most of the women I’ve gone out with or liked in that way, have been more logical than myself. I tend to run on emotions, and intuitions mostly. Though I’m really good at maths (go figure lol)
My point is, that in my experience love is beyond logic. Yeah it does have a logical component, but sometimes you really do have to throw reason out the window, and just throw yourself completely into emotion. At least for a while.
I don’t think you need to change how you think. Each of us thinks differently.
And your thinking is unique to you.
BUT…. try expanding your thinking.
Or just to yourself (and this can be applied to other situations as well) what the heck!
Maybe you could practice going with your heart in other non-love-related situations!
It would certainly shake your life up a bit and make things more exciting :D
And you know something else… I don’t believe you when you say you don’t have a clue about feelings. We all have feelings…. hehehe
Just take a moment or two to get in touch with your feelings.
At the risk of sounding all zen…. empty your mind of logic (even for a short time) and see what else is in the wonderful mind of yours :D
Lol how on earth do you throw yourself completely into emotion?
If i went with my heart on most situations i would be so much happier but i dont have anyone to do the things i want in my life atm. I LOVE animals but no one i know loves them as much as me. I LOVE nature but no one i know loves it as much as me. I LOVE good novels and poety but no one i know likes to read. I LOVE doing different things and being different but no one i know likes doing different things. He walked with me on campus twice which is something i really enjoyed :). I want to go to the park, museums, art galleries, etc. but like i said no one i know is interested in those things. Only drinking or clubbing which i dont care for at all. Hes the only person who will listen but we are different in many ways as much as we are alike. There are just so many things i want to do that i dont have a clue where to start or who to talk to to get informed about doing different interesting things
I know i went off topic but i was just going with the flow lol
XD XD XD Big Dougie grins there my friend XD
Wow! That was awesome….
You just let rip then didn’t you!
I kinda get what you mean. I go out and have drinks with my friends, but I usually avoid clubs. The drinking is a social thing really, and I usually like to go somewhere and have a quiet social drink in a place where you can at least hear yourself speak, (and obviously others as well :P)
I take it you are at uni (you said campus hehehe)!
I’m at uni too, and I’ve made lots of friends by just sitting down with people I don’t know (or people I do know, but they are sitting with randoms)!
OMG… some of the most amazing conversations I’ve had ever.
But. I have to say there are always peeps around that aren’t drinking, because they are driving home!
My experience of uni life has been that there are all types around, and as much as this guy sounds nice, there MUST be other people that you can have rewarding social interactions with!
What I’m getting here is that you love all these things, BUT, you don’t know people who love them!
I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that you probably do know people who love these things, you just don’t know they love them!
If you like art galleries and museums, get to know some visual art or history students :D
Same with poetry and good novels, make friends with soem writing students! I know a few and they never shut about good novels :D
Hmmmm….
I did enjoy your tangent there Skyy…
Keep going with the flow… you might be surprised at what happens :)
Sorry it took so long for me to respond i was watching a movie with my roomie and her boyfriend (never again lol).
Im glad you found what i wrote to be awesome because i thought you were going to be like wth is she talking about lol. You are right there are ppl who will be willing to sit down and talk to me about poetry and novels im just too afraid to open up. I have so many opportunities that its ridiculous. I mean im surrounded by literature majors and art majors and people of all the like. They are there i just dont try to connect with them. Hopefully i will get over whatever is holding me back from doing the things I want.
I will continue to go with the flow and hopefully i will pick up a talent on the way :)
Btw, i love your positive attitude!!! Now thats awesome! :D
skyy invited 2 users to read this post 1 year ago.
i say, think about this fell, and what he means to you. if you really only like him as a friend, then let it be CRYSTAL clear so he doesn’t feel led on, and he can move on. if you can see something with him, i say go for it. even if you’re scared….if you guys are as close of friends as you say, even if the romantic relatiosnhip doesn’t work you, you can still have your friendship. if not, then maybe that should tell you something. i hope everything works out :]
“I LOVE animals but no one i know loves them as much as me.”
– so contact your humane society and volunteer; join a pet owners group; visit some local farms or the agriculture part of your university
“I LOVE nature but no one i know loves it as much as me.”
– so join a hiking group or x-country skiing group, or birdwatching group
“I LOVE good novels and poety but no one i know likes to read.”
– so join a book club, or go to a poetry reading… they often have book and poetry readings in cafes
“I want to go to the park, museums, art galleries, etc.”
– so go to those places, and talk to the people who are there already!
If you don’t “know” someone interested in X or Y or Z, go to the places where those things happen and talk to people there.
You’re worried this guy has a plan and will think you’re stupid and unattractive? Guys make plans to make themselves feel better. You may have a plan just so YOU don’t think he’s a loser.
Don’t get so hung up about this. There are 3 billion men in the world. Jump in and make a mess with this one. Make some mistakes. Learn. Get some experience. You can never advance in love unless you open yourself to it. It’s like watching all the other kids racing around on bicycles and worrying you might fall off. Yeah, you will. But then you get back on. As long as you learn from each experience, not only will you do better next time but YOU WILL APPRECIATE the next time all the more.
I lost my wife after 17 years. I was alone for awhile. Now I have a great girlfriend and I appreciate the time with her all the more and I try to be better than I was with my wife. The experiencing of losing the one helped my appreciate the other so much more.
Sorry
HE may have a plan just so YOU don’t think he’s a loser.
I would if i had a car :(. I hate asking for favors so even if i decided i wanted to do those things on my own it would take me a million years just to ask a friend to take me. I will probably met someone who could be bring me back because im good at making new friends/acquaintances. But i am just being lazy and scary because there are places on campus i can go to that im interested in. Theres a wildlife center here on campus and poetry reading at clubs/bars. I guess i have to start putting myself out there because no one is going to hold my hand. Its time for me to make the next move and start living my life. I can have those friends on the side but i can also do the things i love which will not only make me a better friend but an overall better/happier person
linuxya wrote:
You’re worried this guy has a plan and will think you’re stupid and unattractive? Guys make plans to make themselves feel better. You may have a plan just so YOU don’t think he’s a loser.Don’t get so hung up about this. There are 3 billion men in the world. Jump in and make a mess with this one. Make some mistakes. Learn. Get some experience. You can never advance in love unless you open yourself to it. It’s like watching all the other kids racing around on bicycles and worrying you might fall off. Yeah, you will. But then you get back on. As long as you learn from each experience, not only will you do better next time but YOU WILL APPRECIATE the next time all the more.I lost my wife after 17 years. I was alone for awhile. Now I have a great girlfriend and I appreciate the time with her all the more and I try to be better than I was with my wife. The experiencing of losing the one helped my appreciate the other so much more.
Yea you are right. I just cant wait til im confident he likes me and can stop questioning his actions
You don’t need a car. I’m 35 and don’t drive. I go all sorts of places walking, on the bus, train, plane. And in social groups, sometimes they have carpooling.
My girlfriend asked me why I waited so long to ask her out. As long as two people are unsure and waiting to be more sure, nothing happens. Someone has to take a risk.
I’ve dated a few women since my wife’s death. Each time I took a risk. Three times it didn’t work out. The fourth time it worked spectacularly well. And I value each experience before. Yeah, I felt bad at the time, but when I stepped back and looked at each situation, I could see that I was dating the wrong kind of woman. When the right one presented herself, I could say… yeah, that’s the right one. I know it. Why? Because I’d figured out what didn’t work before. And the only way to do that is to go out and date people then take notes after.
barely
Frogger
Sasha101
*Dougie*
a_bandoned
linuxya