This post left anonymously
What is wrong with me?
For the past few days now I’ve been hearing sounds louder than they should be and I also have been hearing loud noises that seem to have no origin in reality. These noises scare me and I have searched the internet for some reliable answers, but to no avail. So as a last resort I come here, and I believe you should know the circumstances that seem to aid these sounds I continue to hear.
My life hasn’t been the greatest to me and it has not been too cruel in comparison to the lives of others. But at this moment, as I type these words, I feel indifferent; detached from myself and society. I feel as if my body is not mine and that I should return to a nothingness apart from life or death, an unbiased haven where words need not be spoken. I feel as if a majority of me has gone entirely insane.
In school, the noises envelope me every time someone argues in class or whenever they decide to laugh. It’s become incredibly hard for me to talk to anyone in school, especially to the one I adore. The one I adore seems to despise me and I believe it is because the image I have is not one he favors. Even in all three letters I sent him, I wrote of him with highest regard, yet he hates me and I cannot dislike his decision. If I had the courage to talk to him and tell him of my past his opinion would not differ.
I wish a genie would grant me a thousand wishes so I could change my past, future, and present. My first wish would change the two years I spent in a third-world country with my sickly mother. I was a monster while I lived with her, I just couldn’t take the pressure of poverty. In my drunken state, I was exorcised because they thought I was possessed by a demon. Maybe the times they tied me down are the reasons why I’m so odd now. I wish I knew.
There are plenty of situations that have hurt me so much and that were all my fault. The one that hurts me most is the one I’m currently going through. The one I adore reminds me so much of a man I once knew that it seems as if my past is repeating itself. I want to talk to him, but I just can’t; myself won’t let me. I have no idea of what I truly need and want anymore. Then the dreams continue to haunt me. I keep dreaming of blood and mutilations. The dream I had last night evolved myself and two other persons. We were blood stained soldiers on a terrain that was part desert and jungle. All three of us were armed with nothing but our own bare fists as we ran through the jungles and deserts trying to evade the monsters behind us. Then we entered a house and while searching it we found a kitchen full of torn limbs, the monsters barged into the house and we ran again. The nightmare went on and on like that but with different scenarios. Suddenly the dream ended with us climbing a mountain with the armies of monsters below us shooting their guns and laughing hysterically. My two friends fall off the mountain and I am the only one left struggling for survival. Then I awake to a loud noise that had no origin in reality.
Can you tell me what is wrong with me?
This open post was written 12 months ago | V/U/S: 122, 6, 4 | Edit Post | Leave a reply | Report Post
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