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Hi, I’m a 31 y/o and have fallen in love with my new girlfriend who’s 25.
I feel like for the first time in my life I now know what love is because of what I feel for her. Well I knew I wanted to be with her more than anything but to spare my feelings I needed to know if she was out and her reply was “sort of, to most people I am”, I told her in order for this to progress she had to be out. Later she told me that she did come out and that she loved me too.
Two days ago while she was over at my place I asked her again about it, she replyed “yeah most of my friends know already and the word is out by now” Then I asked if she told her family, because she always has skirted around the issue when I ask her about her family and is very good at changing the subject into something else for some reason…she had no reply, just looked at the floor with a sad look on her face. And to be totally honest I became very upset/angry and quite frankly a loudmouth not letting her get a word in edgewise. I said some things like… “you didn’t tell them you lied to me and don’t feel the same way”, “your not honest how can I ever trust you?”, “you think just because your cute you can get away with this crap?” and I”m sure much more…Well she just put her face in her hands and cried and got hysterical, then stood up and said “are you going to keep yelling and dig yourself a deeper hole?” then said “I DON’T HAVE A FAMILY ARE YOU HAPPY NOW?” then went right out the door quickly and left. I was shocked I didn’t have time to stop her.
I asked her friend about it and she said its true, that she grew up floating around in different foster homes throughout her childhood and that she’s very sensitive about it and she needs to tell you about it when it feels comfortable for her to do so, But she also told me that my gf thinks the world of me and can’t stop talking about me and how much she loves me. Seems she used to be mocked/made fun of and made to feel ashamed of how she grew up. I had no idea, if I grew up that way I don’t think I would be ashamed to tell a person about it right off the bat, but then again I’m not her and I didn’t grow up that way. I keep hearing over and over in my head the things I said to her and the tone I gave her, I’ve never made a person cry before, I’m not the type, and its tearing my heart apart that I did, especially someone that so special to me. I need to understand why she feels that way, why is she so sensitive about it? How can I tell her how sorry I am and how much she means to me? How can I help her? I feel like to took the thing she’s most hurt or sensitive about and shoved it right in her face…
Since it happened I feel like crap…I miss having her with me, holding her hand, following me around like a puppy dog, cuddling up next to her/holding her, laughing with her, staring into those blue eyes, watching her face light up with her smile…
This open post was written 1 year ago | V/U/S: 61, 1, 2 | Edit Post | Leave a reply | Report Post
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