You sound like a pretty amazing woman and your daughters are lucky to have you.. Might I ask their/her age(s)
You shall be in my prayers tonight. I hope things get better for you.
Thank You , My daughters still living with me are ages 17, and twins 18. One is in College (will be home Christmas :), other twin commutes to a near by Technical school and youngest is a senior in high school. My oldest daughters are both married. Oldest 27 and a nurse. Next, is 25 and in the Air Force stationed in Germany ( she has served for 4 years and has been to Iraq twice and has 2 children). I am Blessed!
Thank You for contacting me.
Perhaps try calling local churches and see if they can be of any help.
Can your daughters get part-time jobs to help out for now?
Go to an Episcopal church. The rector has a discretionary fund. You don’t have to be a church member. He may have some pointers as to other aid available. You need to contact the court about the lack of child support payments. Don’t despair . . . you and your children are going to make it!
Thank You so much I have a friend who works for the Episcopal church near by. She is a director of the children’s ministry. It would be comfortable for me to speak with her. I contacted the court and was given a form to fill out. I mailed it out Nov 4th. No word since. But have a day off tomorrow and will try a visit in person to check the progress. I appreciate the response. I can’t talk to my daughters, even though they seem grown and we are close, it just don’t feel it is fair to place such a worry on their shoulders nor cause them anymore feelings that they feel towards their father.
You sound like a good mom.
But to be fair, the first your daughters hear about it should not be you telling them that you are evicted and have to live on the street! They are almost adults, now. I think a heads-up may be in order.
I hope that things will start to get better for you, i really do. I wish that there was more that I could say to help you out, but praying is all i can do for you right now. Good Luck!
You’ll get some help from the church. Also, contact family members. When the fat’s in the fire, all the petty crap has to be put aside.
Perhaps there are also some governmental assistance programs that can help out. Don’t be ashamed to use them. We just handed over $700 billion to bail out greedy corporate CEOs, so don’t feel bad in the least.
Also, CONTACT your insurance company, landlord and any other creditors and let them know you’re somewhat behind . . . and work out payments. They may allow you to skip a payment. The immediate concern is the rent, and that’s where the church can come in.
There are some private firms that act like collection agencies to get you your child support. They retain a percentage for their time and effort. It’s better to get 80 or 90 percent of what you should receive than to get nothing.
The Episcopal Church is one of the few that will actually help people. I won’t name the ones that just put all of their money into their buildings.
I will say a prayer for you and your family. Do NOT give up. And don’t be afraid to ask your family for help. These things happen to people . . . to the best of people.
Thank you. I woke up this morning with feet in place to make things happen. I know I will find the help I need! In reality it is a small amount to consider in comparison to what a lot of others are going through. Oddly enough I was able to contact my ex by phone and actually speak to him for the first time in months. He had moved out of state to take on a new job, then was fired and has now began a new job. He told me that he is living with his parents for now and working and will begin to make up his payments as of the 28th of this month. This assured me that what ever I have to get through is only for this month. Then come December things possibly will get back to normal. But, yes, I have some pavement hitting to do my self to get my responsibilities met for the month of November.
If your children are half the person you are, they would hate to know that you have suffered without telling them.
Talk to them.
It isn’t much you’re asking for.
You are the best woman/mother that you can be—and they will love you just the same if not more for treating them like adults which they all practically are, and you shouldn’t be afraid or ashamed to do so.
You can’t protect them for their whole life, no matter how much you want to.
Thanks I understand what you are saying…but, the girls can be very hurtful to their dad at times….well all the times. I know in my heart that just because he was a irresponsible husband didn’t make him a bad father. He loves his daughters and they have no relationship with him what so ever now because of his affair. He really lost out big. He lost his children, his wife, his house , his job, then even his girlfriend left him…because he had no LIFE, money, home, etc… So now he has nothing. I could easily make his life a living HELL but, I believe he has done well enough of that for himself. It would be easy for me to dog him and make the relationship between him and his girls worse. I just try to be careful about generating any more negativity in that area, they are already hurting enough because of his actions. Hate for another person is not healthy and they really hate him. And that in return ends up hurting them more. So I try not to inflict anymore of that back onto them. They are really sensitive where he is concerned. Two of the girls wanted to change their last names. One refused to invite him to her graduation. They all say if they marry one day…he will not walk them down the isle. I am trying to send out into this world daughters whom are a product of hope and strength. Well-rounded. Not scarred victims with a chip on their shoulder or ones who hurt others /men/ or have trust issues. I will try a few other avenues first…but, will have to be sensitive I guess to my approach of asking them for assistance. All three have jobs, but it is not much and is pretty much called for before it is cashed…much like mine. LOL! Thanks Times gone mad! You have helped me to get more of my feelings on the table.
Question, Mom . . . is he at all repentant? Would he want to come home if he could?
And for your daughters . . . yes, they should know. And just come right out and tell them that you need help. After all, you took care of THEM for all of these years, and what happened to you is not YOUR fault.
Recommend talking to the eldest, so she can talk to the others. Just say, “Sweetheart, no child support has been coming in and the rent is due. I don’t like to ask, but the situation simply requires it. Please do what you can.”
In these days and times, Mom, family is about all we’ve got. The gov’t is only taking care of the fat cats. One day we will have an economic system in place that doesn’t allow this to happen. It’s long overdue.
Take care of yourself and know that you’re going to get through all of this!
You will definitely have a place in my prayers.
And, while I don’t mean to sound unkind, your daughters are no longer children—they are all old enough to work and help you. The 17-year-old can get a pat-time job until she graduates from high school, and the two 18-year-olds could work full-time and continue their educations on a part-time basis.
I am sure that would not be your first-choice for them, but honestly, that’s not such a huge sacrifice. Not everyone can afford to have what they want, when they want it, the way they want it.
When my parents were little, they had to stop school at the fourth-grade (my father) and eighth-grade (my mother) levels to work and help their families. That’s just the way it was. I was luckier–I managed to go straight from high school to college. But in the next generation, there were many nieces and nephews who had to go straight into the workplace and take part-time courses, often at community colleges. Their dreams had to be deferred for a bit. Some eventually went on and got degrees; others found different paths in life.
Your daughters are old enough to understand that they need to make a sacrifice right now to help meet the family’s living expenses. You are not denying them an education—merely teaching them that there are responsibilities that you have to pull together as a family to meet.
If you treat them as adults, I am sure they will become responsible people and will come through for you. You owe them that.
Sounds like it is time for a family meeting.
Sounds kind of twisted that the girls will have to pay now,
because the DAD didn’t make good on his part and
the MOM ran out of avenues to turn, too.
But, we will make away.
All of their scholarships and schooling have been pre arranged and paid for through next summer. Under no circumstance will I mess up their educations to further benefit their futures for the sake of $500.00
Not when I feel that this is only a temporary set back and will find a solution out before it is to late. I am not quiet sold on the whole quit everything for the sake of helping Mom plan yet. Yes, they know things are tight and not to expect any Christmas…but at their ages their all fine with that.
I appreciate your input and will place your idea of sitting the girls down for a financial summit in place for this evening. Thank You
Good luck!
If they express anger towards their father just explain it like you did to us. In time, they will mirror your feelings I believe, so as long as you have a sympathetic attitude towards him, I believe they will, too.
G’luck. I’m sure this will help everyone in your family. And you might feel refreshed and maybe JUST THE RIGHT THING will come along, and it won’t be necessary, but at least you’ll be able to sleep well at night–no secrets.
There are ACTUALLY people on here who have several kids, and little ones barely old enough to work are supporting the family. I read about a 14 y/o supporting a household. HORRID.
yes, I know…maybe it was not such a good idea to have written my letter now. There are more people with worse problems than me. I was being insensitive I guess. I should be more appreciative for all the things I am truly blessed with. I have a wonderful life in comparison. Thanks Cell, Have a peaceful night.
And a Thank You to you to “Times gone mad” I do see that all of my attention should not just be placed on my own “bad dealing”….next time I get to shuffle the cards :)
Have a good night. Thanks for talking with me. I have enjoyed this web site and have gotten a lot of good advise and have met a lot of new people , too.
No thanks needed. I hope that your family grows stronger, and that this moment is quickly passing for you. Any time that a persons base needs aren’t met, it is of the utmost importance. We aren’t you, there’s no need to judge, and all human struggle—is terrible.
It’s so refreshing to hear about a family which has strong roots and a healthy work ethic. I just can’t wrap my mind around some peoples ideas of importance.
I’m glad that you got real help, sometimes people can be pretty vicious.
UPDATE: Late last night my mother called me to see if I was in need of anything in particular for a Christmas idea for her to get for me. I told her about my needs and why. She said no problem and the CHECK IS IN THE MAIL!!! My early Christmas gift should arrive before the 1st of December. My girls and I are going to be fine!
Thanks to Everyone who prayed for me and worked so hard as a sound board!
MUCH LOVE AND THANKS TO YOU ALL! Happy Thanksgiving!
What wonderful news!
Maybe all these prayers helped. I admire your determination to keep your girls on the education path, and I agree that having them drop out of school would be the line-of–last-defense. But just remember, motivated students WILL get a degree, even if they have to do it part-time, or in spurts, or whatever it takes. And sometimes the things we work hardest for are the things that we value the most.
Also, it’s NOT “twisted,” as you put it, for women of 18 to have to bear the cost of their own upkeep. Most child-support requirements actually STOP at age 18, which is when children are assumed to have become adults. Please don’t misunderstand—we all want to “do” for our kids, and to give them as much as we can, and I do not criticize you for that. I put both my sons through college, and do not begrudge it at all. But what I am saying that you should not feel GUILTY if you CAN’T.
You WANT to give them an education—you don’t OWE them that; it is a gift, not an entitlement.
Anyway, bless your mother! I hope that you have a wonderful holiday, and I hope that things will get better and better for you and your family.
I understand. It was only that the two 18 year olds are already doing the part time jobs and are going to school (and their child support ended in May due to their ages-regardless that they are both in colleges) The reasons they have jobs is so they do not have to ask me for help while they are both in school. The child support I am suppose to be receiving and have not seen is on the 17 year old that is a senior in high school and also has a job (20 hours wkly added to her school hours). I just felt that it is messed up that the ones who are paying for their raising are already doing their part to contribute without asking for a thing. And now to make matters worse I was going to ask for money. I never wanted to take money from my children. They make so little and work so hard for it. Heck, I don’t even want to take my mothers money, who is retired. But, the rock and the hard spot got in the way. And God did make a way for me…this time…but, my prayers are that there is never a next time. I want to be established and not co-dependent upon the support, or fear of taking from family what I have not earned. I want to have a sense that I did it. Being needy is not a light that I wish to glow. Theresape, I thank you so much for your prayers. Your Knee-Mail was just as vital as your e- mails to me. I do look forward to the holidays now and for all the friends and family that the journey has brought me along the way. Much Gratitude 2 U :)
I understand exactly how you feel—I would probably feel the same way. And God DOES have a way of opening doors sometimes. I’m so glad that some relief came to you in time for the holidays.
Many blessings,
T.
That’s wonderful news! I’m so glad for you.
I always think it interesting, no matter what a mother knows. Strange she called you–maybe, maybe not, I just mention, and it’s like speed-dial, with mine. :D
YAY. This is totally awesome.
momoffivedaughters edited this post 1 year ago. Read the previous text »
My daughter came to rest on the couch next to me tonight. I held her, and choked back the tears. She does not know that we are only 8 days away from as destitute as I’ve ever seen my finances be. My husband abandoned us a year and a half ago after learning that I knew of his affair. We divorced. Then 3 months ago child support stopped coming. I work for a grocery chain and work all of the hours I am given to work. I have no idea how I will make our rent of $550. by Dec 1st. Nor our car insurance payment of $140.00 that was due Nov. 6th and is very late now. I see this as the beginning of the domino effect. Oddly enough I make to much money for food stamps. Yet, my children did qualify for medicaid . I have done so well up until this month…but, without the support I am just getting more and more behind. I am scared! I have contacted the Stat and have filled out enforcement forms to seek support, no response though. How, I will explain our situation to my children who have already endured enough. My request is for prayers only. Thank You for all whom are willing to commit to pray on my families behalf.
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Times' gone mad