Love help: So…what do you do when you can’t fall in love? - Help.com

wow. thats ruff. i kinda feel the same. but i dont no who to turn to. why does the human race need love so badly? it’s the closest thing to magic we hav, and always will.

love and truth are the two greatest powers known. seems to me u can’t have one without the other though.

Mate, if she cheated on you once, she was bound to do it again. Now she just wants to make you feel guilty for not taking her back. Don’t. There are people who love to push your buttons so they can get a cheap thrill out of seeing you squirm. I would just try to move on and forget about the ex and try not to talk to her or even think about her. You are better than that. Why would you want to put yourself through such torture that you know is going to end up eating at you anyway. If she was to come back, would you really forget 100% that she cheated on you? I personally would not be able to. But everybody is different.
Try to meet someone else and is not that you cannot fall in love again, is just that you are not ready for another romantic relationship. Stay single for a while or just go out casually with different girls but don’t think about your ex any more. When she tells you “you should have take me back when I begged for forgiveness” she just want to pound it in your head that she wants to get even with you for making her beg. If she still actually loved you, the minute you told her to come back to you, she would have done it. Now she just revels in playing with your head. Let her go and you move on. Don’t think about her for another second. She is yesterday’s news and there is always a new edition coming out the following day. Don’t discount the fact that girls want to be with you. So you cannot be all that bad. Don’t force yourself to fall in love with anybody. Let it happen naturally and you will be pleasantly surprised.

If I can move on after losing my wife, you can move on after losing this girlfriend of yours. There are 3 billion women in the world.

The problem is you confuse emotion with love. You are still screwed up with this ex because you keep thinking she was “the one”. That BS. There is NO “the one”. There are 3 billion women! OK? I had a fabulous wife. Now I have a fabulous girlfriend. There is no “the one”.

The way to love someone is to spend time with them, do things for them, ask them tons of questions, find their goals, help them reach their goals. Pour your attention and caring and help into that person and watch them blossom and help you in return. That is love.

If you are waiting to feel something as strongly as you feel for your ex, you are wasting your time. It’s not love, it’s just emotion. It’s a feeling that you lost something irreplaceable. You didn’t. Really. Believe me. Stop wasting your time and energy and focus on a new girl who can love you.

Thanks for the insight. I’ve always been a religious person and even though I don’t necessarily believe in a pre-packaged destiny for each person I have always thought that we all have a purpose and we all have a track that we are to follow. Call it love or call it foolishness but things always felt right with her… like i was where i was supposed to be. It’s been 2 years now and I’ve dated 6 or 7 different girls and even the one i’m with now doesn’t feel right. I’ve talked with her openly about my past and she tells me to just try things with her and see how it goes. That’s what I’m doing for now. Maybe i just haven’t found the right track yet.

There is no path or destiny for anyone. You can worry that there’s something better out there or you can pour everything you have into this relationship.

Sit down and write out all the good things and bad things about your other dating experiences. Yes, go do it. I did it. Then keep a log of your thoughts and experiences with the new girl.

What worked? What didn’t? You’ll profile the kind of girl you want and the kind you don’t.

For me, I needed someone who wasn’t a perfectionist, someone who didn’t put herself down or other people down, someone who could go with the flow, someone who laughed at my sense of humour, who liked to cook with me, had a low key approach to life, could live with my socio-economic status, liked doing stuff together (vs. being in dating mode), could make steady little steps towards commitment, who could laugh when things go wrong, etc.

I remember all these things and she fulfils them perfectly. That’s how I know I have who I want. I think of my analysis of the other women, and they are the opposite of the above. That’s how I know they are wrong.

I can relate - after my divorce I had a really great girl. Whenever I try to imagine a future with her I always see my ex. I’m trying to spend some time alone though and focus on my work and Children.

I think some of it has to do with cut throat order. Bury yourself in stuff you love to do and pay attention to the women that are enjoying it with you. Don’t have any expectations and don’t be scared of a few flings. Don’t expenct your next relationship to be long term. Enjoy a few short term ones.

I know some advice that women give one another is the fastest way to get over a guy is to get under another one.

I do think women fall in love harder - but when men fall in love it’s often with a loyalty (note I said loyalty not fidelity) that most women can’t comprehend.

Oh well - best of luck mate.

In the meantime watch http://thevalentinesdaygiftshop.com/b… - it might help. at any rate it’s good for a laugh to get your mind off of things