boyfriend help: Is this disrespectful? - Help.com

Maybe he could not wait to use the machine?

I wouldn’t like it but he probably didn’t think he was doing anything wrong and just wanted to help. Just tell him you don’t like it.

littlenick wrote:
Maybe he could not wait to use the machine?

Maybe he doesnt pay rent here so doesnt get to choose when or when not to wash. But wait until im finished

Vyki wrote:
I wouldn’t like it but he probably didn’t think he was doing anything wrong and just wanted to help. Just tell him you don’t like it.

How on earth was he helping me?? Its not like he put my clothes in the dryer when he took them out of the washer. So no but he didnt help in no way shape or form. If he wouldve known i didnt like it he wouldnt have done it in the first place. Which is why im going to tell his girlfriend who i am expecting to tell him

Maybe you should kick him out for touching your stuff. Specially if he does not pay rent!

He probably thought nothing of it. If your clothes had finished drying, it is logical to take them out and put the next load in isn’t it? How was he to know not to touch them? Did you tell him before?

In any case, living together is about compromise. You can’t expect people to wait until you come out of your room before they can use the house equipment - nor to run around informing you that your washing has finished! If he’s not paying rent, that’s an issue between you and your room-mate. He is there with her permission after all.

If it bothers you, first be sure to make people aware nicely and secondly be sure to be there when it’s likely to finish to avoid unnecessary arguments.

Well i dont feel comfortable knowing some guy touched my panties im sorry. Im not that comfortable around guys anyway. So im kind of peculiar about my personal things. Its not like they were in there for hours. I had more respect when i lived in dorms with complete strangers, which is ashame to me. If someone took someone elses clothes out you better to believe that person was pissed. So why is it different now. If anything i should get treated better here in my own apartment.

But im making this way bigger than it is. Im just going to tell his girlfriend when i see her during the break because we are going to hang out with some friends from highschool.

I think your issue is with your room-mate having guys live-in more than it is the laundry.

That’s what you need to be addressing as your priority really.

Well i was just really shocked when i saw that he removed my clothes from the dryer and washer. I was not expecting him to do that

Should i live with her next year?

You need to discuss how you feel about having guys in your home as it clearly makes you feel uncomfortable.

If you can’t reach a compromise together after discussing it through calmly and sensibly, you should consider whether you might not prefer to share with someone who thinks along the same lines as you.

Yea i pushed my feelings aside because i knew he was going to move in whether we wanted him here or not. She basically stayed with him all last year so now she thinks because his roomies didnt have a problem with it we shouldnt either. Her other excuse is that she pays rent too so if she wants him to live with her then he can/will. Yesterday we were talking and i said i feel more comfortable when the two other (real) roommates arent here. Then she said we should stay together next year. It sounded like a good plan then but now im reconsidering. I really dont like the fact that he stays here but i never told her. Because the other roommates didnt want him here and she got really upset and still is. They dont know shes upset but she expresses herself to me. We were bestfriends so she tells me more than she tell them. Shes a good friend but idk its different now that hes in her life which is completely normal so i dont complain i just go on and ignore everything that pisses me off

When you hide how you feel, it is bound to resurface in an argument over something.. in this case the laundry. Bottling up increases stress levels and increased stress levels make you less tolerant… in the end, people begin to wonder “hey, what’s up with you? you’re so snappy these days!” You need to avoid things getting to that point. Your happiness is important.

It’s important to open up to your friend and say “I need to be honest with you. I feel uncomfortable about having a guy around the place. I respect that he is your boyfriend but I’m not sure I can deal with it on a permanent basis. I thought it would be ok, but I’m now having doubts and I’m feeling unhappy. I would be happier in an all-girl situation.”

LOL well that put a huge smile on my face. I didnt know i had this resentment in me which is why i was being a little snappy in this post. So im sorry i was just hoping ppl would agree that he was being disrespectful whether he knew he was or not. So when i read the replies my resentful side came out. I will have this talk with her in a calm collected manner. But i know her, she will be calm on the surface but pissed underneath. But this is my happiness and if i dont feel comfortable then there is nothing any one can do to change it.

Thanks i feel better now and i dont think i will be living with her next year because this year didnt turn out the way i visioned it

I’m glad we were able to help. Sometimes it takes a little while for us to realise that what we THINK is our problem is really just a symptom of something else we need to sort out.

Remember that you can’t please everyone in life. If your friend is unhappy with you after a quiet talk, that’s something she needs to deal with herself. Just as you are becoming more self-aware of your needs amd learning to do what is important for your well-being.

I wish you good luck. I hope things turn out well for you next year, whatever you decide.

and* not amd!

Thank you i hope things go good for you too

it’s rude. hands down. i would have told him to be courteous and ask you.

a_bandoned wrote:
it’s rude. hands down. i would have told him to be courteous and ask you.

Yea i know and im going to have a discussion with my roomie and him. I might say something when they both in the room. I really felt violated for some reason. But there is some resentment and this made it a little worse…

resentment or not, i would have been pissed, lol. good luck!