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Well this is a tough one Cakes. To even think about going pro with a dream such as his, will indeed mean great sacrifice on both your parts.No one can have their cake and eat it too. If this is who you love, then as hard as it may be, you have to be 100% be supportive of him. As long as the quality of time spent together is good and loving, then the quantity of time doesn’t really matter, if you both agree to this arrangement. Yes, you would probably feel guilty to insist he give up some of his practice times to be with you. Resentment on his part would surely take place if he feels forced into doing so. if you can’t go along to watch him practice, then perhaps you should just submit to this arrangement and do something challenging and rewarding for yourself. I know it is a real sacrifice to give up on the idea of not seeing one another that often, but if this is his dream, and you love him, then you have to unfortunately take him as he is.Behind every good man, is a good woman. I just hope the pay-off was worth the wait, and he see’s the value of the exceptional female he has in you for standing by him. All the best to you Cakes, chase your own dream as well :)

I guess its the same way for anyone supporting let’s say an olympic athlete!
But yes… if you want to keep in this relationship, I suggesting finding a dream of your own that requires as much devotion, or at least time consumption!

That way you will be distracted most of the time he isn’t there!

A wise man once said to me ” there’s no such thing as sacrifice” I didn’t understand it at the time, but I’ve grown to.

He’s not appreciating you. If he was into you more he wouldn’t do that. No sacrifice is about you do what matters most to you. Not buying lunch and bringing food from home is no sacrifice if you are saving for a holiday you really want.

To answer your question though, I don’t think your being the bad kind of selfish. You are in a relationship, you have expectations and from the sounds of it, they are more than reasonable

Cakes;-) wrote:
But giving me all his time means yes he loves me more than darts, but he will never be happy in his work life and that would be my fault wouldn’t it.

Oh, yes I can see how him not being happy at work is your fault :-)

Cakes;-) wrote:
If he loved me as much as he says do you think that an unhappy worklife wouldn’t matter, it wouldn’t too me so it shouldn’t too him, I deserve the same respect don’t I

You deserve respect for sure. But loving someone doesn’t make you happy or negate an unhappy work life. Its not up to you to make him happy.

Cakes;-) wrote:
oh Chuncky I am so confused, he lost last night and was so unhappy and I just didn’t know what to do,

Overstepping my bounds a bit here, but lots of people play for the fun of it. Sure its better to walk away with a win, but if you are only happy when you win, it seems a touch dangerous. Sure, he wants to turn pro so its different, but if losing is making his woman worry it sounds like he needs to have a good sit, think and prioritise. Note: I am a sad lonely bachelor so my advice should be taken with that in mind.

Cakes;-) wrote:
he said he needs more practice from now on, how on earth is he going to find time for more practice, he has made me so happy but lately darts are more important than mem is that right, am I expecting too much? I don’t know

He can decide his priorities, and you can decide if that’s cool with you. Hopefully you guys can have a chat and work it out. Why not try getting a third person expert in to help you sort it. So many people wait until “its serious” but by then its often to late. Sooner rather than later. All the best cakes, I haven’t given very cherry advice, I’m a bit down, so hopefully some bright happy person will serve up some balancing advice. I hear your confused, maybe write down how your feeling and then come back to it later?

Cakes;-) wrote:
I want to be part of the reason for making him happy, but no it’s not my fault he is unhappy at work, only he can change that but I want to support,

that is so nice to read… :-)

Cakes;-) wrote:
him yes I am very, very confused because I love him so so much and we have been so happy untill the winter darts season started and he realised he hadn’t practiced enough and wanted to practice more leaving me too miss him where I was used to him being there before, oh well I am sure we will sort something out. Hope things are ok with you, sorry to hear you are a bit down at the moment? Let me know if you need to talk

Sure you will work something out, all the best.

i don read all replies to your post. but i think you have really really good attitude to your bf’s dream. it’s very important to support each other.
maybe you can ask him to have a certain time every week to spend time with you.
if it’s a promise, you don need to feel bad.
just make sure that he knows that you support his dream and if he appreciates, isn’t it enough? it’s a hard time for you, so for him, too.
can’t say much but i think it will work out.

i heard what guys want is not to be loved. guys want to be trusted.
you are trying to do right thing i think!!!! but i know it’s hard!!

Cakes;-) wrote:
Thanks Anon, my main problem is I really am not too sure if he does appreciate it, I feel a little taken for granted right now, I guess all he can do is reassure me and all I can do is trust him

I agree with anon, about making sure there regular time for together time. and thats its cool you support his dream

Cakes;-) wrote:
Thanks Anon, my main problem is I really am not too sure if he does appreciate it, I feel a little taken for granted right now, I guess all he can do is reassure me and all I can do is trust him

reassure with just words? I think actions are needed…

Hmmm, tricky problem, but I have a suggestion: get a time-consuming hobby. It means when he’s practising you have something to do to; it also means you’ll be able to see how much he respects your own pastimes. One side effect is, you might learn to appreciate how much darts means to him, and your relationship could end up stronger. Just a thought!

sounds like a great guy, and I’m less negative after eating :-)

Follow up with actions… easy, he is encouraging you to do what you want. What classes are they? COuld he support you in those in some way? like buy equipment, or helping you practice lines for theater etc?

cool, so honestly, what’s stopping you? Doesn’t sound like its him :-)

Balloon arches? Amazingly I use to do that professionally. Mum as sis were clowns, and briefly so was a I ( good money ) but I’m more engineer, so I got into making arches an the like out of balloons. Was great, but I just used air, and never had no qualifications. Still make the odd one now for people. Just do it I say .

Mum and sis. Ok, typos - time for bed

sorry cakes..i saw the invite late..

You just need to think beyond urself..(sorry if that sounds harsh.I dont intend to)

Support ur bfrnd if u intend to have a long term relationship and try to accept what he is..regardless of whether he fails or not…

IF u r still confused, just exchange roles with ur bfrnd for a day and see how u would have felt if he thinks abt you the same..

No “no”, no Why, no “but”..just help him….

Cakes;-) wrote:
Thanks Ankit, thats what I am trying to do because I so want to support him, I just miss him is all and us I guess,
Wow chunkymove shme you arn’t closer to be my teacher, I play about and decorate all my friends parties at the moment always putting up hundreds abd hundreds of balloons, if you want to make a business of it, over here tho you need to get NABAS qualifications and one day I would like to turn it into a business, your right he is not stopping me I need to get myself booked onto these courses asap, I will start looking today

that reminds me of one incident:-
once my frnd ask me what can you do for the person you love?

(and he continued:-)
1)watch a movie you dont understand( soem unknow language) for 3 hours
2) watch such movies everyday for a year

Actually he married a telegu girl and he did all that to learn the language..(besides the boy and the girl used to meet in the theater only..:)

how’s your search go? You enrolled in anything awesome yet :-)

chunkymove wrote:
how’s your search go? You enrolled in anything awesome yet :-)

search?…Am I forgetting something here?…:(

Cakes;-) wrote:
I need to get myself booked onto these courses asap, I will start looking today

hey ankit, was nudging cakes, but was too lazy to quote her. All good.

chunkymove wrote:

Cakes;-) wrote:
I need to get myself booked onto these courses asap, I will start looking today

hey ankit, was nudging cakes, but was too lazy to quote her. All good.

lol…what a relief..;p

that said, I’m working on getting my self enroled in something good, and you?

chunkymove wrote:
that said, I’m working on getting my self enroled in something good, and you?

ha ha..i think i should unsubscribe to this post or i will die of confusion..;p

Well it is always hard to juggle a relationship with a serious hobby or duty. The best thing to do is to tough it out. I am sure over time things will clear up and all the pieces will fall into place. If he loves you I am sure he can take time out of his day to see you. If he can’t see you then try to keep in touch over the phone or have visits every so often.

I hope I helped!

Cakes;-) wrote:
Well I have booked a hair appointment!!
I have made some enquiries for the balloon courses and they are available Feb but I need to pay to confirm my booking, I will be able to pay on Friday(payday)
Thats very exciting it’s 2 day courses then you can do specialised courses in weddings and stuff
I can’t go to yoga this weekend as it clashes with my hair appointment but they said to call on monday to book in for next weekend. YaaY
What are you planning on getting up to this time chunkymove?

Sweet!!!!! Hurrah for cakes!

Simple stuff for me. I wrote a big list of fears and have done most of them, but the symbolic one at the top of the list wasn’t done yet , to jump off a 10m tower in to water. It always scared me as a kid. I joined the pool yesterday and did the 2.5m jump eight times until my ears started to hurt a bit. I have skydived, absailed into caves etc, but now its time to face the childhood one.

cool!

Let Him follow his dream because i am sure he would do the same for you even if he dosen’t succeed he won’t wonder what if and he will be happy he tried

I kno im young but, U r doing a wonderful thing in supporting him and i hope he can feel all the love u must put into that. What I would do, is tell him that u love him and will support him no matter what, but you r there as well and if only for a few minutes, acknowledge you and spend time together to strengthen the love between you :) hope this helps!