friends help: trying to figure out what to do, or a how to get help, about - Help.com

Well if you truly forgave her, then you can’t be using that anymore to fuel your rages towards her. She can push buttons all day long, if she wants, but only you are in control of your own behavior. You can decide to not respond to this, or apparently loose control as you have been. Continuing to do this, will eventually drive her away for good. All this nit-picking really isn’t worth a permanent break-up is it? Pick your battles more wisely. Seems your manly pride was hurt by her cheating, but you decied to forgive, so now you can’t keep beating a dead horse so to speak. If you want to stay in this relationship, then do what you have to do, to control yourself. Count to ten, take a walk, something, but refuse to give into this non- productive behavior. In the end if you don’t, you will loose the one that means the most to you. Just not worth it.No one controls you but YOU! Good luck :)

Seas light is a very wise soul with wisdom quite likely beyond my own years, but I’ll throw my two cents worth in anyhow.

So, first off…a very wise female friend of mine just recently told me that…as I am afraid to face my own rage and anger, I need to release it in a healthy manner. I’m going through my own deal with a best friend who’s unavailable now becoming the center of attention for my love-life-eyes, even though it’s not supposed to be like that.

It’s been recommended to me that I go buy a set of cheap yet breakable plates (like those you can get at a fair or carnival) and go to some abandoned spot, maybe near the dump or a railroad, and basically go to town busting them up and letting out all of that anger, pain, rage, regret, and animosity. Just remember….have someone safe with you. Your goal is not to hurt yourself or destroy city property or hurt others. Just to release all that pent-up anger and raw emotions.

Sure, it’s a temporary relief, but the idea’s to relieve yourself of the HUGE HULK ROAR SMASH feelings long enough that you can actually start sorting them out.

As was also said, it sounds like both your trust and your pride were badly damaged (or you believe this to be the case, anyhow). Why not simply take a few deep breaths and explain to both your girlfriend as well as yourself that you WANT to forgive her, but it’s so very difficult with the wound being as open and visible as it is in your eyes at the very least.

Honestly, other than that, I dinnae what to tell yeh, young padawan. Just remember two things.
-Time heals all wounds…
-And that stuff that Yoda said to…well, everybody. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to….suffering.

Or something like that.

Either way, best of luck. I’ll be out smashing stuff up in a safe place myself soon, so…yup.

You are being abusive. You either forgive and forget, or you end the relationship. You don’t keep the gf around so you can treat her like scum whenever you need to make yourself feel better. If the situation were reversed, what would you think of being treated in the manner you describe? You use your girlfriend’s cheating to justify this ugliness in yourself and then expect your friends and us to give you a pass. Why don’t you just man-up and admit you’re being a jerk? So you can reduce the gf to tears and make her grovel. This is love? If I saw a person abusing a dog in the manner you describe I’d call the police, yet you do this to a human being? You have a lot of bad karma coming your way.