I think they arepretty normal especially if you have ever watched a chick flick like Just Friends. and i think there is many another one out there…..
I think you should ask yourself some questions: Do you really love your husband? Do you really love Mike? Would you do anything for _____? What does it take to make a relationship work?
Just a starter
Actually it would be quite unexpected if you weren’t attracted to him. Not only do you have all the memories, but he reminds you of days when you were young free and single, and that is sexy in itself. And if you were once attracted to someone, and there was no hard ending, why wouldn’t you still be drawn?
Don’t panic. Ask yourself what you want to do, realistically, long term. If you managed not to sleep with each other before, you’ll manage it again.
Good luck! :o)
yes i think its normal. my friends mum got divorced about 8 years ago and then got back together with a guy who had liked her in school and she hadnt seen since.
but your marriage is definitely more important than a crush- think of the good stuff about your husband and how much he cares about you. it is natural if you’re going through hard times, but remember why you got married.
p.s if you really dont want the feelings maybe you shouldnt see mike, or see him less maybe?
Thanks for the posts. It is nice to hear that this is not completely out of the ordinary. I guess I have a lot to think about. I do love my husband. I just keep thinking, how can love my husband and have feelings for this other man at the same time?
There’s no law that says you can only love one person at a time. It would be so easy if it were so, but it’s not. Not in my experience anyway. :’(
The wierdest thing is that the greatest act of love is to love someone else but stay faithful, and yet that’s the one thing you can never tell. So you get no credit for it.
The truth is that if you love two people, someone’s gonna be hurting. At the moment that person is you, and in many ways, harsh as this might sound, that’s right.
Love is so hard sometimes. I feel so very sorry for you.
Thank you James. You seem like a very kind person and what you are saying is confirming many of the ideas that I have. I guess I just needed to hear it from someone else. I would not say that I am in love with two people at once. The feelings I have for Mike are not “love”. I guess I just need to really figure out what I want out of my marriage and my life. I certainly would never tell my husband about this. I would also never cheat on him. I have more respect for him than that. Thank you for your very kind and genuine response.
IMHO you are normal and you can love two people at the same time.
My question is why did you seek out to rekindle this relationship with Mike? Especially given your married status? Are you returning to what was once familiar out of comfort? Looking to build your self-esteem because of your past relationship with Mike and his acceptance of you? Are you ‘in love’ with Mike or how he makes you feel about yourself?
Just questions to get you thinking deeper about the situation.
Yeah, well, the one thing this really will give you is a deep sympathy and understanding of situations that would once have shocked you. :o( I don’t know if that is worth the price tag or not. My heart is broken even as we speak, but I never have cheated on my wife, which is at least something.
Good luck! I hope you end up with a very happy marriage again, and a deep and wonderful friendship with Mike. Some stories do have happy endings. I’m still hoping for mine.
Jade. Those are great questions. I will really ponder them. When it comes to Mike, I rekindled the friendship because I missed him. He always was one of my most cherished friends and I missed talking to him. I don’t think it has anything to do with building my of self esteem. It has more to do with facebook and just getting in touch with a lot of people that I once knew. Since he lives over 1,000 miles away, I don’t think I need to worry about seeing him again for a long time. Perhaps it does have something to “returning to something familiar”. I’ll have to think about that somemore.
I hope no insult was taken. What I meant by self esteem was if your marriage is not as stable as you would like, you maybe seeking to find others who accept you and love you for who you are, or perhaps even who you once were so many years ago.
I went thru a divorce a year and half ago - I sought out people from my past who did that for me, as well as, stretched my wings and found my independence (17 years of marriage).
I wish you well and hope that all turns out for the best (what makes you happiest).
No Jade, I am not insulted with what you said. I now understand what you mean by self esteem. I think that may be part of it for sure. I had never thought about that before. My relationship is unstable and one of the things I am struggling with is feeling like my husband does not except me for who I am. It IS a major problem. It does make total sense to seek out people who except you when you feel so rejected by someone you love so much. Perhaps that is part of the reason why I have been seeking so many old friends (Not only Mike). I recently moved back to my home state. It has been great to see people who I have known for so many years. I do feel stronger. One of my friends told me that Mike has come back into my life at the perfect time. If anything it is helping me have more clarity with what I want from my relationship with my husband.
Well, I spent 10 years of 17 in that exact situation - here if you ever want to talk. We seem to have a lot in common (my best friend is a guy…)
james_liverpool_uk
Anonymous
redwoodhike
Jade