life help: I keep pretending I”m ok.

This post left anonymously

I keep pretending I”m ok.

I’m posting this as anonymous becasue I guess that’s how I feel. No one truely knows the real me. I’be been pretending so long that I’m a truely happy person I hoped that maybe I would start to believe it. I can’t do it anymore. I’m not happy in fact I’ve thought about huting myself or ending my life. No one knows that I do cut myself. No one knows that I’m taking medication for this. No one knows how badly I want to drive my car into a tree or how much I want to take the whole bottle of pills in my purse. Why don’t I you ask? Who knows?

This open post was written 1 year ago | V/U/S: 831, 13, 5 | Edit Post | Leave a reply | Report Post

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Since writing this post Anonymous may have helped people, but has not within the last 4 days.

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automobile, tree, happiness, life, Medication, Person, Anonymity, Bottle, Thought, tablet, thoughts, suicide, girl (How Tags Affect Reciprocity)

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HelpBot 5 #
San Francisco, CA, US | 1 year ago (0 minutes after post)

If you are contemplating suicide, hurting yourself, or you are seriously depressed: please, seek professional help!

Call this hotline (1-800-273-8255) operated by our friends at the
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~Charlii-Party~ 0 #
An Undisclosed Location | 1 year ago (6 minutes after post)

Wow…I know exactly how you feel…well, maybe not as extreme…I don’t know what meds and cutting myself are like, but I always feel like I have to pretend to be ok for others even when I’m truly not.

I guess my answer is just try to find something you really like to do, or someone you really like…I dunno…

Help me with: HELP!

Time Traveller 8 #
An Undisclosed Location | 1 year ago (10 minutes after post)

I know what you mean about pretending to be okay. I think you have to recancile, who you pretend to be to get by and who you are inside. More of B less of A as you go along.

Help me with: How depressed are you on a scale of one to ten with ten being almost dead and one being haveing a smile on your face presently.

Anonymous #
1 year ago (11 minutes after post)

It’s like nothing anymore seems to be worth it. I don’t know if it ever was! I try to do something I once enjoyed but yet there is no feeling behind it. Try to hang out with my friends and no conversation comes to mind. Its like I’ve been put on cruise control and someone forgot how to stear!

Time Traveller 8 #
An Undisclosed Location | 1 year ago (13 minutes after post)

It takes time, I have been there. don’t give up.

Help me with: How depressed are you on a scale of one to ten with ten being almost dead and one being haveing a smile on your face presently.

Anonymous #
1 year ago (15 minutes after post)

I know your right but I so want to. I’m just so numb yet can feel everything. Kind of like I’m just floating by life. I don’t want to float through life! If I have to do that whats the point of even living? Doesn’t seem to be one!

Anonymous #
1 year ago (15 minutes after post)

i know how you feel im not ok either

Time Traveller 8 #
An Undisclosed Location | 1 year ago (17 minutes after post)

Keep trying, life is worth it. I have to go my eight year old is driving me crazy cause it his computer time. i hope you feel better. Shout me anytime.

Help me with: How depressed are you on a scale of one to ten with ten being almost dead and one being haveing a smile on your face presently.

Anonymous #
1 year ago (18 minutes after post)

Hahah ok thanks

Anonymous #
1 year ago (19 minutes after post)

Anonymous wrote:
i know how you feel im not ok either

I’m sorry =[ it’s not a good feeling is it?

Richard Cor de Lyon 20 #
An Undisclosed Location | 1 year ago (36 minutes after post)

Richard Bach once wrote; “sometimes our fictional characters are more ‘real’ then the real ones …” or something like that. Meaning, we all pretend to some degree - some more than others. And whether it’s pretend, or wishful thinking… or just pure escapism, it really doesn’t matter. If you pretend you are happy… then you should be making some choices that a happy person would make. I’m sure you are aware of the difference between the choices of a happy person and those of an unhappy person. I’m confident that you’ve made happy choices (even if merely ‘pretending’) and have benefited from the consequences of those choices. I don’t think you pretend to be happy. I think that is a very real part of you. It’s just that sometimes when we get sad… we get so sad that the happy part of us seems so very unreal.

I say pretend to be happy. The other choices have a lot not to be desired.
Bright blessings ~ Richard

Help me with: What does the Thanksgiving holiday mean to you?

Felicity 8 #
An Unknown Location | 1 year ago (12 hours, 50 minutes after post)

To pretend is to deny and lie to the self.Its unhealthy.To be true to the self you will be set free , maybe from this unhealthy behavior.Would you lie to a friend? Try to be your own best friend, that is the way to happiness.

Help me with: Free movies; Do you know any good sites where i can watch TV shows and/or movies?

xelias91 #
An Unknown Location | 6 months, 1 week ago (5 months, 3 weeks after post)

I know exactly how you feel. I am on anti-depressants and mood stabilizers and it is so hard. In the past month I have been changed from Zoloft to Prozac to Celexa and nobody gets it. On the Prozac I was the worst it made me aggressive and angry and that’s when I started cutting myself. Now, I don’t know if I can or want to stop. It’s like the cut releases the pain and aggression and depression and makes me feel lighter. Now I have scars on my thighs and in all sorts of places i can hide with clothes. The ones on my arms are from a “cat”. My mom didn’t buy it, and she knows. My psychologist knows too and she suggested i get a punching bag which i did.

And that does help a lot, not enough though. For the past couple years it has taken every piece of me to put on this act. Like everything is OK, but its far from it. I pretend like I am happy for my friends benefit because they would never understand. At school I am like a zombie because I can’t focus on socializing or focus on homework because it takes everything i have to keep myself “normal”. To keep myself from breaking down crying or wanting to hit something. Lucky for me, I’m a good actress. I have been putting on a fake smile for years and nobody noticed. Recently the facade has been too exhausting. It takes too much effort to pretend ALL the time.

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I keep pretending I”m ok.

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