Parent help: Please help me with this! - Help.com

You need to tell someone. A counselor at school? Or just give hints to your parents that will make them look into it? Or break your promise because helping her is more important than a promise?

I know your right but how do I tell someone? She’s gunna be soooo fricken mad at me! I’m afraid what she’ll do if she finds out I told someone! My parents wouldn’t be a good idea to tell. They would yell and scream at her and make everything worse. That I”m sure of. I have 4 other sisters but IDK…Id feel weird tellin a couselor about this> HOw do I tell them?

Just like you told us.

youl just have to tell somebody,you have to,please

I know but I don’t thnk i can! Will they make her go to a hospital? IDK much about self-harm or anything I’m worried that she may kill herself but don’t know who to tell. How can I help her myself?

No, they will talk with her and help her.

You can’t help her yourself. You’re just a kid, aren’t you?

if you dont tell anybody and then she kills herself,sorry to say it but how will you feel then?

http://www.palace.net/~llama/psych/in…

Educate yourself in it hon, then see what her underlying problems are. She likely has problems she cant deal with.

She needs to be able to voice these problems, either with you or a counselor, if you cant talk to Mum and Dad, talk to a school counselor.

Yeah I’m to second to youngest. I have 5 sisters total 26, 21,21, 18, 17(me), 16.

It’s my 18 year old sister who’s been doing it

george197 wrote:
if you dont tell anybody and then she kills herself,sorry to say it but how will you feel then?

I couldn’t live with myself!

Who do I tell if I can’t tell my parents or a councilor?

Sasha101 wrote:
http://www.palace.net/~llama/psych/in… yourself in it hon, then see what her underlying problems are. She likely has problems she cant deal with.

I’ve read a whole lot about it online. I know about it but yet don’t fully understand why someone would want to do it. Especially her. It’s like she has everything going for her. Full ride to college, wonderful friends, boyfriend who is amazing, our family is basicaly ok. I just don’t understand it. She won’t talk to me about it. Everytiem I bring it up she shuts me up.

S.I is very difficult hon, most of the people that do it have emotional things they cannot deal with and self punishment makes them feel better. Is there anything in her past that may be a trigger for her ? often this is triggered by something in the past.

She may outwardly seem happy and content, but usually there is something underlying, either that or she enjoys watching herself bleed, it sounds macabre but its true I’m afraid.
In that case she will need professional help.

In many cases self harmers, come to enjoy it, and it becomes a habit they cant break, without help.

Nothing that I can think of. We’ve basically been through everything together and the only tragic thing in out past was our dad died but thats when I was like 3.

Sasha101 wrote:
In many cases self harmers, come to enjoy it, and it becomes a habit they cant break, without help.

How do I help her? I don’t feel like I can! I’ve been thinking about killing myself a lot lately and now with this I feel torn. I want to go through with it but yet I can’t until she gets better to know that she will be ok. BUt then if I do go through with it I don’t want anything to happen to her. IDK I guess this whole situation is a hot mess huh?

Whats going on in your life you want to do that ?

Anonymous wrote:
I know your right but how do I tell someone? She’s gunna be soooo fricken mad at me! I’m afraid what she’ll do if she finds out I told someone! My parents wouldn’t be a good idea to tell. They would yell and scream at her and make everything worse. That I”m sure of. I have 4 other sisters but IDK…Id feel weird tellin a couselor about this> HOw do I tell them?

You said your Dad died is it a stepfather you have then hon ?

How is the relationship between your Parents you and your sisters ?

tell your sisters

Sasha101 wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I know your right but how do I tell someone? She’s gunna be soooo fricken mad at me! I’m afraid what she’ll do if she finds out I told someone! My parents wouldn’t be a good idea to tell. They would yell and scream at her and make everything worse. That I”m sure of. I have 4 other sisters but IDK…Id feel weird tellin a couselor about this> HOw do I tell them?

You said your Dad died is it a stepfather you have then hon ?

Yeah my mom’s re-married. As for me I’m not concerned about myself. It’s my sister that worrys me. I want her to be ok. To not get to the point where she might accidently go over board with the cutting.

Sasha101 wrote:
How is the relationship between your Parents you and your sisters ?

My mom and her husband are nver home to much they are always working long hours and all. My sisters and I are for the most part good. My older sister is pre-med almost done with her internship and everything. My two 21 year old sisters still live at home. They both are in college. One for fashion design the other for journalism. My youngest sister is ok, keeps to herself and plays a gazillion sports. Me and my 18 year old sister are like inseperable thats why it threw me off so much when I seen her hurting herself!!! She is no doubt my best friend in the entire fricken world!

berta wrote:
tell your sisters

How? What do I do to tell them?

Well you all sound like you have a good life, nice intelligent family. But with Mum and Dad working so much they may not be tuned in to whats going on, I think if you are truly worried you should maybe voice you concerns to them. Cutting in itself is not dangerous, often times the cutter knows their boundaries, but my fear has always been an accidental cut that finds an Artey, that can be fatal as you know. Id feel inclined to let your parents know, if it makes her mad it makes her mad, the bottom line is you could be saving her life.

I am worried! If I do tell them, well, I mean when I tell them. What will they do for her? What kind of help is out there for her? I’ve read about it but thats not good enought just reading about it. What will they do with her when they find out? Will they have to send her somewhere? Will she have to be on medication? Will a therapist be ok?

Id say no to medication for now, anti depressants are risky things to be on. They will likely get her some counsel to dig into what her problems maybe, and even if she denies it, trust me there is something troubling her, and I think something is troubling you too isn’t it.
Im concerned about you too.

Therapy might help. But you say Mom has remarried, what do you think of the step dad?

Sasha101 wrote:
Id say no to medication for now, anti depressants are risky things to be on. They will likely get her some counsel to dig into what her problems maybe, and even if she denies it, trust me there is something troubling her, and I think something is troubling you too isn’t it.
Im concerned about you too.

Nay don’t worry about me. I don’t deserve that. Hailey does however.

Barely wrote:
Therapy might help. But you say Mom has remarried, what do you think of the step dad?

He’s ok. I mean hes really strict and most of the time he’s on our cases about everything but he’s just trying to make us better people. Thats what my mom says anyway. He’s not around much tho like I said earlier. They work funky hours

This question is difficult, but, when Mom married the step dad did your sis get upset with her over the marriage?

You see I have two teens, and although your somewhat grown there is a huge need for Parents to be there for their kids at this age. So many emotional needs come about.It can be hard for kids to accept a step father too, not all do fully accept.

Barely wrote:
This question is difficult, but, when Mom married the step dad did your sis get upset with her over the marriage?

IDK it was kind of sudden but we were just little when it happened. Our dad passed away when I was 3 and my mom re married when I was 5. So they’ve been married 12 almost 13 years so he’s been around for a long time.

Its a hard one then, but I feel that when and if told, Mum and Dad need to deal with it in an Adult fashion, calmly talk to her and maybe get her some help.

You have the right approach here, talk to someone about your fears, get them out in the open just like you have here.

Sasha101 wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I know your right but how do I tell someone? She’s gunna be soooo fricken mad at me! I’m afraid what she’ll do if she finds out I told someone! My parents wouldn’t be a good idea to tell. They would yell and scream at her and make everything worse. That I”m sure of. I have 4 other sisters but IDK…Id feel weird tellin a couselor about this> HOw do I tell them?

You said your Dad died is it a stepfather you have then hon ?

Looking at this, it doesnt seem they could deal with it rationally do you think ?

I know I should tell them. I’m jsut afraid as to what they will do to her. Its not something acceptable especially with our family. Its like my parents concern is their reputation. If this gets out things would get ugly.

Trust me if they love this child, they will do whatever they need to do to help her, reputation or not.

Can you talk with the older sisters about this, maybe they can help advise you and your parents.

Emotional problems don’t choose families hon, its nothing to be ashamed of at all.

I dont doubt they love us its just their concerns are about how the people in the neighborhood and country club precieve them. I”m not ashamed of Hailey and what she’s doing. My parents on the other hand would be I’m afraid. Its something I don’t think they would understand. I guess you could say I’m protecting her to an extent yet totally not! Does the make sence?

It doesn’t look good to have one daughter cutting herself all the time and the other one suicidal ya know? How would the that make the parents look espeically at the office?

You need to realize this happens to any and all families. No matter where you live or work or in what country.

Barely wrote:
You need to realize this happens to any and all families. No matter where you live or work or in what country.

I know…tell my parents that :(

Yes love it makes sense, but you don’t have the right tools and experience to help her, you have your own problems at the moment too. You are both worth the effort of seeking counsel to help you through this, how about your older sisters can they help at all ?

I’m going to be very honest here everyone, I don’t care what it looks like to an outsider. What I care about is someone is in trouble!

Im sitting on my hands here lol

How do I make you understand it’s not about how the community sees it, it’s about how you see it and about loving your sister enough to try to help her.

Who cares about the country club, not I! I sare that you are in distress over the actions of your sister and you aren’t coping with it. How can we help you to deal with this and keep you both safe??

Sasha101 wrote:
Yes love it makes sense, but you don’t have the right tools and experience to help her, you have your own problems at the moment too. You are both worth the effort of seeking counsel to help you through this, how about your older sisters can they help at all ?

I coudl tell one of them Sam, she would be my best bet.

Barely wrote:
How do I make you understand it’s not about how the community sees it, it’s about how you see it and about loving your sister enough to try to help her.

Dude, I know! Its my PARENTS that’s how THEY think. Not me!

I’m sorry sweety, I also have kids, I get scared for them as well as you and your sister. I wish I had an answer that would allow you to rest easiy but I don’t. I’ll tell you though that I’m trying to help.

Barely wrote:
I’m sorry sweety, I also have kids, I get scared for them as well as you and your sister. I wish I had an answer that would allow you to rest easiy but I don’t. I’ll tell you though that I’m trying to help.

I know. Thank you! I’m just stressed over this. I don’t mean to be mean.

Does your sis listen to Sam?

How old is Sam hon ?is she the 26yr old ?

Sams 21 and yeah she does. She’s the more reasonable one I guess.

My oldest sister is allison and she lives in maryland cause thats where she goes to school. So alls she could do is talk. She wouldn’t to actually come down and talk to her face to face. SO Sam would be the best I think in this situation.

WEll voice your concerns to Sam hon, maybe she can advise you more on the reactions of Mum and Dad and maybe coming from one of the older siblings they may, umm for want of a better word awaken to the problem of their child.

Yeah you might be right.

Sam would make a great ally in this come to think of it. You’ll need to talk to her though. If the two of you brought it up your parents would listen more readily.

Theres no harm in trying it hon, your options seem to be very slim at this point, and I think if you are worried, you need to relieve yourself of the worry a bit…. yes I agree barely, I think team work may bring a better result.

You need to trust that yourself and Sam do this. Just talking with Sam will take a lot of stress off of you sweety.

Your right. I’ll try and talk to her about Hailey. I could do that:)

Can you speak with her this evening? Or do you think maybe tomorrow morning?

Well, its midnight now and everyone is sleeping so I’ll talk to her tomorrow.

Anon, think about No1 to ok :-) please ?

Thanks but I”m not concerend about me. I’m not worth all that. I just need to get my sister better!

Hey missy, you are worth it, and don’t you forget it. ))))hugz

Missy you are worth it to us dear :)

Thanks:) But I don’t feel that way. IDK why but I just don’t. Things are hard and I just don’t want to deal with it anymore. Its like I can’t. Stupid maybe but honest it is.

You can’t believe that sweetheart, you are worth the world, I promise you that. You are trying to care for the life of your sister, that means a great deal.

This is why you and your sister both need some Adult or professional help, it really bothers me to think, you parents don’t have a clue whats going on with their daughters. Parents have to really tune in, its hard at times but you really have to pay attention.
I know you kids find it hard to talk to Adults but you must at times, we’ve been where you are right now, everyone has been through the teen years and it can be so hard.

Even the fact that you are willing to share this with Sam is a good first step.

It brings someone into it that has been through some of the same things you’re dealing with.

She has a lot to offer. Much more then I could ever. She doesn’t know I feel this way. No one does. I couldn’t tell her now, I couldn’t tell anyone about me. It’s about my sister not me.

They say two heads are better than one. Maybe between you and Sam you can get through to your parents.

Anon, why do you have such unconcern about yourself ? this isn’t just about your sister this is about you too hon, you count in this life, your sister counts you have to get above this I dont count thing, of course you count sweetheart.

Everybody counts, even down to the homeless guy on the corner. Everyone of us has the right to contribute to life.

How demonstrative are your parents ? do you hug a lot in the family ?I mean is there physical shows of affection at all ?

Not really. We dont hug all that much.

Missy I can see that you’re worried about your sister, I can see that you’re worried about how this will affect her and the relationship you have with her. But you also have to see that there’s a need here to bring this all to someones attention sweetie.

I know it sounds weird maybe, but I think hugs and just telling your kids you love them each day is important, I know you can tell them you love them, but I really think a good hug goes a long way.

Hey I agree.. A good hug can put a warm fuzzy feeling in your heart and a smile on your face.

My sisters and I do but not so much from our parents…weird huh?
Anyway thank you for talking with me. I’m sorry I kept you both on here for so long! Thanks for everything it has helped! You both have helped make this a little easier! Thanks again!:)

Missy are your Grandparents still alive?

Barely wrote:
Missy are your Grandparents still alive?

Yeah but they live on the other side of the country. THey live in florida and we’re in california!

your very welcome hon, and please get your sis to help you, shout me and let me know how it all goes, best of luck and hang in there xx )))))))))))

Sasha101 wrote:
your very welcome hon, and please get your sis to help you, shout me and let me know how it all goes, best of luck and hang in there xx )))))))))))

I will. Thanks! Good night! xoxox

Nite love, sleep well :-)

G-night dear..