life help: Something I wrote spur of the moment. - Help.com



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Something I wrote spur of the moment.

Wanted to see opinions good or bad, doesnt matter.
This train is still crashing but im leaving it behind.
I can’t help the passengers because its just not their time.
Its still burning inside of me all the memory’s and pain.
and now they have to wade through it like its ******* acid rain.
oh believe me Im not the survivor anymore
Im the one who sits back and watchs the train crash into the shore
The ocean will swallow the train like a dream
because in the end what does all of this mean
I was once on it, but now im here…
Life is something beautiful so let my oceans eat your fear.

This open post was written 12 months ago | V/U/S: 84, 1, 2 | Edit Post | Leave a reply | Report Post


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Post Tags (10)

Pain and nociception, Dream, Train, life, Acid rain, ocean, Rain, Acid, swallow, matter (How Tags Affect Reciprocity)

Replies (1)

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chunkymove offline Verified User (1 year, 2 months) Long Term User Shouts: 3 #
An Unknown Location | 12 months ago (19 minutes after post)

I like the metaphore, its powerful.

“train crash into the shore”
doesn’t seem to fit
“The ocean will swallow the train like a dream” ( great line)
“into the shore” is what boats do, not trains

Also, the number of sylables per line was a bit random, making it hard to read. If that’s your art then cool, just sharing as I see it.

I liked it, wouldn’t have replied if I didn’t.

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