guy help: if i find other guys more attractive than my current b/f,is that bad? - Help.com

You’re not shallow. You just need to be with someone to whom you’re attracted to.

was the physical attraction there when you got together? If not, then maybe in the future you should practice waiting for someone who suits you, rather than getting involved and then hurting the man because you suddenly realise ‘the spark is not there’

littlenick wrote:
You’re not shallow. You just need to be with someone to whom you’re attracted to.

i feel so bad becos i feel this way. i dont feel sane at the moment so assuming you are sane littlenick,do u think that attraction is key to a relationship?

jed drums-manically- wrote:
was the physical attraction there when you got together? If not, then maybe in the future you should practice waiting for someone who suits you, rather than getting involved and then hurting the man because you suddenly realise ‘the spark is not there’

the fizzical attraction was never really there for me. we just kind of ended up together. i think neither of us wanted to be alone.

Attraction: physical and spiritual are definetely is key to just about any relationship. Some people don’t care about either because they just want to be with someone to fill the void of their loneliness but it sounds like you care about it.

tube_disaste wrote:
Physical attractiveness is the most important thing on which to base a relationship, as it never fades. Always dump the ugmos and move on to the hotties, and eternal happiness is yours.

Now, it’s stuff like this that will make you shallow! This person is probably good looking on the outside but completely ugly if not rotten inside! Sorry tubedisaste

It sounds like you and your boyfriend are better suited as friends perhaps? Like I say, you should make a habit of not getting together with friends that way.
Always think to yourself when you meet someone…is this a friend, or would I be happy with something more.
It should always be mutual feelings if it is something more, because if the person likes you, then he will get hurt in the future when you say that ‘'’We get on really well, and I really like you, but as a friend”’ Because that can be hard fo a person sometimes. So choose wisely, and don’t give in to the feeling that you NEED something so you might as well find it here!!

littlenick wrote:
Attraction: physical and spiritual are definetely is key to just about any relationship. Some people don’t care about either because they just want to be with someone to fill the void of their loneliness but it sounds like you care about it.

u mean i care about it,as in im not willing to put up with a relationship if the attraction isnt there?

jed drums-manically- wrote:
It sounds like you and your boyfriend are better suited as friends perhaps? Like I say, you should make a habit of not getting together with friends that way.Always think to yourself when you meet someone…is this a friend, or would I be happy with something more.It should always be mutual feelings if it is something more, because if the person likes you, then he will get hurt in the future when you say that ‘'’We get on really well, and I really like you, but as a friend”’ Because that can be hard fo a person sometimes. So choose wisely, and don’t give in to the feeling that you NEED something so you might as well find it here!!

yeah i hear what ur saying. we get on really well but for me the attraction just isnt there.i would do anything for him but i feel like a fake for being with him but not really being attracted to him.

Realize, too, that your “boyfriend” can always find girls who are prettier, sexier, wittier and richer than you are! It’s the “gunfighter effect”: there’s always someone who’s “hotter.”

If you leave your current boyfriend simply because you think you can get someone who is “hotter,” just realize that you can find yourself similarly dumped by another guy.

Anonymous wrote:

littlenick wrote:
Attraction: physical and spiritual are definetely is key to just about any relationship. Some people don’t care about either because they just want to be with someone to fill the void of their loneliness but it sounds like you care about it.

u mean i care about it,as in im not willing to put up with a relationship if the attraction isnt there?

You care about it but you are also willing to let it go for the spiritual attraction. Some people don’t care about looks. I have seen that. I have seen some foxes with some guys for husbands or boyfriends who look like gorillas and I have seen some guys who look like they jumped out of a GQ magazine who have some dogs for girlfriends or wives. It’s all in your personal choice and attitude. But always keep in mind, time makes beauty fade. Spiritual attraction hardly ever fades!

What Chev.jame says is true in many ways….it is swings and roundabouts if you know what I mean

chev.jame wrote:
Realize, too, that your “boyfriend” can always find girls who are prettier, sexier, wittier and richer than you are! It’s the “gunfighter effect”: there’s always someone who’s “hotter.”

If you leave your current boyfriend simply because you think you can get someone who is “hotter,” just realize that you can find yourself similarly dumped by another guy.

hey, im well aware of the “grass is greener ” effect but being honest i feel that for me im wired in such a way that if the attraction isnt there,something in my brain just tells me “it wont work”

i cant apologize for that ,its who i am. and i have given this so much thought it hurts,but ive said to myself that its not right to stay out of fear of not finding someone else,

Well, Anon, you’re right about that. I would just worry that you are too concerned about “looks” or “sexiness.”

For quite some time I have seen women walk all around nice, decent men in order to find themselves a “hot baddie.” Then the women lament that their “hot baddie” doesn’t treat them right. By this time they are able to really appreciate the nice, decent guy who wasn’t so “hot” but who had many other desirable qualities, but they are usually with a kid or two from the “hot baddie.”

All I’m saying is: “Look deeper.” You may see some qualities in a guy that you would find attractive if only you looked deeper.

By the way, studies have shown that the more “feminine” men make the best husbands. The “hot baddies” that get so many women’s hormones flowing may be sexier, but they don’t hang around or provide the necessary support for a stable family.

One last thing: if you break up with him, do NOT tell him that he didn’t turn you on, or that you weren’t attracted to him. No need to wreck someone’s ego just because you no longer want him.

chev.jame wrote:
Well, Anon, you’re right about that. I would just worry that you are too concerned about “looks” or “sexiness.”

For quite some time I have seen women walk all around nice, decent men in order to find themselves a “hot baddie.” Then the women lament that their “hot baddie” doesn’t treat them right. By this time they are able to really appreciate the nice, decent guy who wasn’t so “hot” but who had many other desirable qualities, but they are usually with a kid or two from the “hot baddie.”

All I’m saying is: “Look deeper.” You may see some qualities in a guy that you would find attractive if only you looked deeper.

By the way, studies have shown that the more “feminine” men make the best husbands. The “hot baddies” that get so many women’s hormones flowing may be sexier, but they don’t hang around or provide the necessary support for a stable family.

One last thing: if you break up with him, do NOT tell him that he didn’t turn you on, or that you weren’t attracted to him. No need to wreck someone’s ego just because you no longer want him.

Wow i loved this reply! :D Im talking to a guy who is a little feminie and i asked ppl how do you know if a guy is gay or not. Hes family oriented and i really like that about him. Im not all that attracted to him but i keep telling myself he makes me happy and thats all that matters

Just watch out for the “hot baddies”! ;-)

Hmmm . . . I wonder if was ever one? ;-)

“I”

chev.jame wrote:
Just watch out for the “hot baddies”! ;-)

Hmmm . . . I wonder if was ever one? ;-)

I know lol