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He doesn’t love me, and I love him with all my heart…
Hi. He’s left me several times. He always came back, obviously, but now it’s different. i guess our relationship just collapsed now. Let me elaborate…
In short he had trust/jealousy issues concerning my past. He knew a couple of the guys I had been with (not romantically) but he didn’t know my history prior to dating me, he found out months later and it hurt him that I never told him until he asked, since he knew them. This created awful problems, but he was still loving and he always admitted he had a problem. But eventually i guess we both started to get tired of the same thing. So the arguments were more hurtful every time. Still, we managed to do great most of the time.
Lately, we had been having a lot of ups and downs. He’d criticize me a lot. This week he dumped me twice! And he criticized me. I was desperate so all I did was cry and tell him about all my feelings and complain about how he treated me and pressured me. I told him how insecure I was, and how low my self esteem was, that I felt I wasn’t good enough for him like any other woman could be. He told me I was too much of a nag, too insecure and too paranoid, that i was too childish and he wasn’t sure it’d work. However, last night we had one of the most romantic nights ever. He told me he loved me several times…
Today, I hung out with a friend. I was supposed to hang out with my ex later. We hadn’t agreed at what time though. me and my friend hadn’t seen each other in a while, so she told me a lot of stuff and it got a little late. But, hey, it was a Saturday night so I figured he’d be available. He was upset because he said it was too late to see each other. I just let him be, and I’d talk to him later when he wasn’t angry anymore. Well later he called and told me I was always screwing up, and that if I really wanted to see him, I would have been home earlier. He hung up. I called him back to explain that I didn’t think it was too late. But he didn’t let me speak, and he just blurted “We better break up. It’s not working. Today I realized I’m not in love with you anymore…”. And I hung up. I started crying like crazy. It hurts because I love him so much. Out of anger and hurt I emailed him, telling him to go to hell and never talk to me again. He agreed. And I haven’t talked to him since. it’s been like two hours.
He always talked about marriage and kids, he even mentioned it yesterday. So I don’t get it :(
I love him so much, I still can see some good points to this !) He was always jealous, suspecting of my actons 2) He criticized me too much. But still, he also was very loving, had almost everything in common with me, he also complimented me more often than he criticized me… I really thought he was the one. yes, he was my first love and relationship. I hate to think how he’s much more relieved now and happier, and that he’ll be even happier once he finds someone else to love :( I wanted to be the one to make him happy forever, like he promised he’d be to me :(
I’ve always had weak self esteem, ever since I was a teenager, even before meeting him. It was strenghtened the first months into the relationship, but now it’s sunk.
How can I mend my broken heart and boost my self esteem?
This open post was written 1 year ago | V/U/S: 2,815, 4, 4 | Edit Post | Leave a reply | Report Post
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