Person help: I used to be a womanizer and a jerk.

Mayor

I used to be a womanizer and a jerk.

After two long term relationships I’ve changed a lot. Both relationships ended pretty bad and I’m feeling myself getting angry and turning into that person again. I don’t want to be that. How do I stop it?

This closed post was written 11 months, 3 weeks ago | V/U/S: 621, 13, 5 | Edit Post | Report Post

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Since writing this post Mayor may have helped people, but has not within the last 4 days. Mayor is a verified member, has been around for 1 year and has 80 posts and 986 replies to their name.

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Person, Beauty, anger, Jerk, Feeling, Term, Stop, lot, Turning, relationship (How Tags Affect Reciprocity)

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berta 1 #
An Unknown Location | 11 months, 3 weeks ago (6 minutes after post)

make the choice. only you can control your feelings. just because 2 relationships ended badly shouldn’t make you something you don’t want to be. You have to realize that categorizing women as a whole is like categorizing a race, religion, or for income. it is a type of racism.

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berta 1 #
An Unknown Location | 11 months, 3 weeks ago (7 minutes after post)

I am a single mother of three with a deadbeat baby daddy but that doesn’t mean all dads are like that

Help me with: Had to Share my 13 yr old sent this to me

Mayor 166 #
An Unknown Location | 11 months, 3 weeks ago (9 minutes after post)

berta wrote:
I am a single mother of three with a deadbeat baby daddy but that doesn’t mean all dads are like that

I understand the logic but it’s hard not to be bitter and act out.

~~EdieAnne~~ 6 #
An Undisclosed Location | 11 months, 3 weeks ago (10 minutes after post)

Hi! I love the advice that you put on the post about talking to an ex’s ex. Just treat women the way that YOU want to be treated. Things should go smooooothly. This is the best advice GIVEN by you and now maybe FOLLOWED by you.
I’m with you all the way, though! Edie

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berta 1 #
An Unknown Location | 11 months, 3 weeks ago (15 minutes after post)

sickofdoublestandard wrote:

berta wrote:
I am a single mother of three with a deadbeat baby daddy but that doesn’t mean all dads are like that
I understand the logic but it’s hard not to be bitter and act out.

don’t let yourself be controlled by other people’s mistakes. I am a true believer that everything happens for a reason. maybe it is time for you to meet a female who appreciates what you have to offer, who may have not looked twice when you were a womanizer. these setbacks have made you a better person. never live in regret but with lessons learned

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kategecole #
An Unknown Location | 11 months, 3 weeks ago (15 minutes after post)

I agree with Berta and as I’m writing this I see Edie’s 2 cents too :) Ours are all similar hehe.

You can control it and you do have the choice, please remember that! And yes it’s easier said than done, but remind yourself that you are a good person inside and you do not want to treat others how you don’t want to be treated. It’s kinda like all those feel good quotes out there, one of my favs is Ghandi’s… “Be the change you wish to see in the world.”

I believe things happen for a reason and I personally try to “get the lesson” in all things that happen to me, especially situations where I don’t feel so great and am often times angry. When I remember thaT I have a choice in how I feel AND act, it makes me feel very liberated and not “to the whim” of my emotions which can be bad if I act on bad thoughts… and I also feel accountable and responsible for CHOOSING to feel a certain way and not act on certain things…

If one does not overcome the challenges they face in situations, it will just keep repeating til they’ve learned it. A lot of people go through relationships like that. I for one wanted to let go of my “dependency” on my current partner, and I thought breaking up would somehow make me independent etc. But if I didn’t help myself and grow internally, I’m gonna keep depending and needing future partners so I had to grow up and challenge myself and get out of my comfort zone to be able to change.

Sorry for blabbing, but I hope you remember that you are a wonderful person who is capable of love and not resorting to who you used to be. And one day you will attract the right partner who will treat you right~ :)

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Mayor 166 #
An Unknown Location | 11 months, 3 weeks ago (16 minutes after post)

~Edie~ wrote:
Hi! I love the advice that you put on the post about talking to an ex’s ex. Just treat women the way that YOU want to be treated. Things should go smooooothly. This is the best advice GIVEN by you and now maybe FOLLOWED by you.
I’m with you all the way, though! Edie

I know. I guess it’s easier said than done. I think anger and bitterness are so much easier to give into.

lole #
An Unknown Location | 11 months, 3 weeks ago (16 minutes after post)

Wait a womanizer. Then just dont be a womanizer. And as for being a jerk, then remember that it’s not everyone elses fault your upset about something. It seems hard to change yourself but if you care about it enough then you should be alright.

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kategecole #
An Unknown Location | 11 months, 3 weeks ago (18 minutes after post)

I agree about “giving into” those feelings easier… but overcoming those feelings and reactions and you will for sure feel better as well as proud of yourself for choosing not to react :) Work it off at the gym, punch a couple pillows but you gotta let go of the anger in a natural, non-hurting-anyone way. I personally do some breathing and try to “ground” myself when I’m super angry. I know meditation helps too, but unfortunately I never make time for it :X haha

I find usually grounding my emotions helps! Just envision all the negative emotions from your head to toe leaving your body… going deep into the earth core/earth where it can harm no one.

Sounds fruity but it works for me, even just thinking about the feelings leaving my body! :)

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Mayor 166 #
An Unknown Location | 11 months, 3 weeks ago (26 minutes after post)

kategecole wrote:
I agree with Berta and as I’m writing this I see Edie’s 2 cents too :) Ours are all similar hehe.You can control it and you do have the choice, please remember that! And yes it’s easier said than done, but remind yourself that you are a good person inside and you do not want to treat others how you don’t want to be treated. It’s kinda like all those feel good quotes out there, one of my favs is Ghandi’s… “Be the change you wish to see in the world.”I believe things happen for a reason and I personally try to “get the lesson” in all things that happen to me, especially situations where I don’t feel so great and am often times angry. When I remember thaT I have a choice in how I feel AND act, it makes me feel very liberated and not “to the whim” of my emotions which can be bad if I act on bad thoughts… and I also feel accountable and responsible for CHOOSING to feel a certain way and not act on certain things… If one does not overcome the challenges they face in situations, it will just keep repeating til they’ve learned it. A lot of people go through relationships like that. I for one wanted to let go of my “dependency” on my current partner, and I thought breaking up would somehow make me independent etc. But if I didn’t help myself and grow internally, I’m gonna keep depending and needing future partners so I had to grow up and challenge myself and get out of my comfort zone to be able to change.Sorry for blabbing, but I hope you remember that you are a wonderful person who is capable of love and not resorting to who you used to be. And one day you will attract the right partner who will treat you right~ :)

Thanks guys.

GstGrl 10 #
An Unknown Location | 11 months, 3 weeks ago (1 day, 6 hours after post)

It takes a lot of strength… I have terrible luck in relationships and this last time I said that I just want to find a nice guy and completely screw him over… I could never do that but getting treated any kinda way makes you feel like you want to be the one screwing people over instead of the one being screwed over for a change. Being somebody you don’t like doesn’t help you at all. There will be somebody that is worthy of the great person that you are and you could miss her with that act… that act allows you to put up huge walls, not allowing anybody to get through… is that really how you would want to be? you couldn’t really be in a relationship because you wouldn’t be able to open yourself up. I think that certain guys give other guys such a bad rep that it seems like the only way to go but it’s not… just be you and do you… everything else will be fine.

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BFree 7 #
An Undisclosed Location | 11 months, 3 weeks ago (3 days, 3 hours after post)

Read your own post, are you who you want to be… or are you just fooling yourself? Who you are is defined by the choices you make. Anger is an easier emotion to act on, but a harder one to live with the consequences of. Forgive. Don’t forget, just forgive. While you’re at it, forgive yourself too.

You will always find what you are looking for, or expect to find. Look for the joy in life and that is what you will find.

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