Abusive Relationships
When I first met my ex, I was 19 years old and he was my first everything. We spent every moment together plus we worked together. I was living with my mother, helping her pay the bills after my dad left us a couple of years prior. My ex was at my place all the time so he pretty much moved in… that’s when it started. He didn’t like something I said and he punched me in the mouth. I went downstairs laughing and told my mom that we were wrestling and he accidentally kneed me in the face. I am a terrible liar so I had to tell everybody my story first so they didn’t have time to ask what happened. When I went to work that evening, I did the same thing. Then, a couple of months later, we got our own place and it really got bad. Shortly after we moved in, he proposed. As time went on he began getting worse and worse and I felt like I was stuck because I was ashamed to tell people what was going on because I allowed it to happen. He hit me on the side of my head so hard that I could only hear ringing and when I walked up to the emergency room, they told me that I had a perferated eardrum and dislocated jaw. He did a lot of things to me and I always made excuses and told myself that he wouldn’t do this if he didn’t love me. It got to the point that he tried to strangle me, he picked me up by my throat and through 4 rooms until I blacked out… I had a hard time for about 2 weeks, it hurt to swallow even saliva. Another time, he put a knife to my throat.
One day, I accidentally told a couple co-workers about the abuse. I hadn’t told anybody for the entire 2 years and somehow it came out. I couldn’t take it back. That day was a terrible day… I worked at JC Penney and I was talking to one of the the other girls that worked there and one of the security guards, both were my friends. It quickly escalated and the entire security department knew and was constantly watching me. One of the security guards was a good friend and when he found out, he wouldn’t talk to me… I was so hurt and couldn’t stop crying because I felt like everything was my fault… letting it happen, letting it slip, everything. That day, my sister picked me up from work and noticed that I had been crying and she asked what was wrong… I told her nothing… she asked again… I told her that she couldn’t tell anybody, especially mom and dad… she said ok so I told her what was wrong. My sister was torn but ended up telling my mother. My mom and I talked and she made me contact my dad and tell him… so I did. It was a very difficult time but my entire family got together and helped me move out of the house on my next off day which was 2 days later. The night I went home from telling my dad, I provoked my ex-fiance… he ended up getting so angry that he picked up a steel toed boot and came up close to me and threw it and it cut my head open, then took the other one and threw it at my shoulder and I had a hard time moving it for some time. He told me “why don’t you go call your mother?!” because he knew I never would but this time was different and she came to get me and take me to the hospital. The police met us there, I had to file a report and tell them of the instances where I actually came to the hospital… When I got the perferated eardrum and dislocated jaw, I told the hospital that I was bending down to tie my shoe and my dog came running around the corner right into me… they said that it was documented for possible abuse.
That night, he was arrested. I made sure that I had a plan in place and somewhere to stay that he would never think of going… I stayed with a friend of my sister that he didn’t even know. I went to get a restraining order and he came after me in court. He brought flowers to my job and asked somebody else to give them to me because he would’ve been arrested if he came in himself.
That night I stayed at my mom’s house and she called my ex’s mom and told her what happened and she was furious that I put him in jail and that I would lie like that about her son… it was unbelievable. Since I got moved out of my ex and I’s place the next day, I had an estranged relationship with my mother for about 5 years because she was ashamed that she let it happen in her home… So, because I was being hurt, a friend of mine wouldn’t talk to me, my mom was barely acknowledging my existence… that hurt very badly and I felt like it was me who did something wrong and not him because I was being punished for what he did… meanwhile, at the same time my dad was in the hospital undergoing treatment for cancer.
I have been living with this for about 10 years… I didn’t get closure with my ex and I end up ruining every relationship that I get into because I don’t trust any man and I have severe insecurities about myself because of the mental abuse that he put me through. It is very difficult to leave that in the past and go on with my life as though it didn’t happen and not treat a potential relationship like it’s the same as my ex and I. I have so many walls up that it’s very hard to let them down and allow somebody to love me again, I’m so afraid that if I make myself vulnerable then I will be in the same situation again. I know that I will leave the moment a man attempts to put his hands on me because my daughter deserves to know how she should be treated by a man and I’ll be damned if she gets treated that way or sees me being treated that way EVER!!!
I still have a hard time allowing somebody to get close to me… I don’t have it in me to go through the emotional roller coaster again. I have taken the advice of many wonderful people on this site and stopped trying to find my soulmate and a great father and role model for my daughter… all we need is each other and everything else will fall into place when it’s time.
Thank you for taking the time to read my post… have a blessed day and if you are in an abusive relationship, please get out right away… make sure you have a plan with at least one other person involved and make sure the abusive person is at work or something when you make your move and leave… make sure you go to a place that is very private, a place that he would never think to go and you may need to make arrangements to get a new job and start fresh. Take care of yourself and be safe!!!!!!!!
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Abusive Relationships
When I first met my ex, I was 19 years old and he was my first everything. We spent every moment together plus we worked together. I was living with my mother, helping her pay the bills after my dad left us a couple of years prior. My ex was at my place all the time so he pretty much moved in… that’s when it started. He didn’t like something I said and he punched me in the mouth. I went downstairs laughing and told my mom that we were wrestling and he accidentally kneed me in the face. I am a terrible liar so I had to tell everybody my story first so they didn’t have time to ask what happened. When I went to work that evening, I did the same thing. Then, a couple of months later, we got our own place and it really got bad. Shortly after we moved in, he proposed. As time went on he began getting worse and worse and I felt like I was stuck because I was ashamed to tell people what was going on because I allowed it to happen. He hit me on the side of my head so hard that I could only hear ringing and when I walked up to the emergency room, they told me that I had a perferated eardrum and dislocated jaw. He did a lot of things to me and I always made excuses and told myself that he wouldn’t do this if he didn’t love me. It got to the point that he tried to strangle me, he picked me up by my throat and through 4 rooms until I blacked out… I had a hard time for about 2 weeks, it hurt to swallow even saliva. Another time, he put a knife to my throat.
One day, I accidentally told a couple co-workers about the abuse. I hadn’t told anybody for the entire 2 years and somehow it came out. I couldn’t take it back. That day was a terrible day… I worked at JC Penney and I was talking to one of the the other girls that worked there and one of the security guards, both were my friends. It quickly escalated and the entire security department knew and was constantly watching me. One of the security guards was a good friend and when he found out, he wouldn’t talk to me… I was so hurt and couldn’t stop crying because I felt like everything was my fault… letting it happen, letting it slip, everything. That day, my sister picked me up from work and noticed that I had been crying and she asked what was wrong… I told her nothing… she asked again… I told her that she couldn’t tell anybody, especially mom and dad… she said ok so I told her what was wrong. My sister was torn but ended up telling my mother. My mom and I talked and she made me contact my dad and tell him… so I did. It was a very difficult time but my entire family got together and helped me move out of the house on my next off day which was 2 days later. The night I went home from telling my dad, I provoked my ex-fiance… he ended up getting so angry that he picked up a steel toed boot and came up close to me and threw it and it cut my head open, then took the other one and threw it at my shoulder and I had a hard time moving it for some time. He told me “why don’t you go call your mother?!” because he knew I never would but this time was different and she came to get me and take me to the hospital.
That night, he was arrested. I made sure that I had a plan in place and somewhere to stay that he would never think of going… I stayed with a friend of my sister that he didn’t even know. I went to get a restraining order and he came after me in court.
The best thing to do in this type of situation is tell at least one person what is going on and ask them to help you get out. You have to do everything while s/he is gone so you have to work fast and make sure you go somewhere that you can’t be found easily… make sure your job knows whats going on and you may have to leave. Getting out of the situation is very important and difficult.
I’m sorry, I have to get ready for work, I have to leave in 10 minutes but I promise, when I get home from work, I will write more… you’re not alone!
hana-hime
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