boyfriend help: 911! - Help.com

I was with one and I had to leave. I realized after I was picking up all the peices from him that I was insane to continue on like that. I worked 2 jobs and paid for our house while he drank his life away. He would always tell me he was going to stop until I just couldn’t take the emotional abuse anymore. Do yourself and your children a favor, value who you are and take control of this situation. You deserve better then this. There are men out there that don’t drink who are responsible and who have goals in their lives. You owe it to yourself and your kids to find someone better then him. It may not happen right away but if you know that this is what you don’t want (which sounds like it to me) then live freely and happily. You don’t need someone dragging you down, think positive you can do what ever it is you choose but think about what you deserve.

To answer your question…people can change. Only if they want to for themselves. The key is “for themselves”. They have to really want to. If they don’t want to change and they are trying to “do it for someone else” no they will always falter and end up doing the very same thing again. You cannot help someone who doesnt want help. If he cries about it and says he does want help but doesn’t do anything about, he doesn’t really want help. Whatever you choose I wish you and your children the best.

He is always telling me what an honorable man he is and how his kids are far better than the unwashed masses (his exact words)of everyone else’s kids he is forever telling me how bad my boys are and how great his kids are! As I staed before he lives woth his mother I live on my own and everything that me and my boys have Ihave provided on my own!!! But yet he is always putting me down and making me feel like crap!!!

Didn’t you ever hear that saying: When people feel bad about themselves, they often take it out on other people because they get some type of personal victory from it. So your going to let him take you down because he is an insufficient parent who cannot provide a home for his children on his own? He has to live with his mommy? Tell him to stop spending money on all the beer and liquor and to save up for a house for himself so he doesn’t have to sponge off of mama anymore. That would be honorable.

That is all he is doing. He know’s that he has made bad choices in his life, probably ones that he cannot handle on his own. Going to AA and actually admiting that he has a problem would be such an ego blow to him that he doesn’t care if gets help just as long as he doesn’t hurt his pride. What kind of man does that say? Actions speak louder then works Anonymous.

I lived this life! I know what your going through. I am telling you, no hardworking women who provides for her 3 children deserves to be treated like that. I can look back now and say that my decision to leave was not easy, but the best choice I could have ever made. It took many threats of saying I was leaving to him, leaving and coming back, moving all my stuff out and still coming back, crying and not wanting to go on anymore to hearing he would change to him crying on me and saying he would change. Finally a little light went on upstairs and I realized he will not change until he is ready to do so himself. To this day my dear he is still a raging alcoholic who cannot face life head on. He hides behind the liquor and beer and that is just fine with me because I am so much better without him. BE STRONG, BE COURAGEOUS, MOVE ON, and realize that you do deserve to be treated with respect and dignity just as the hard working women you are.

Oh and one more thing…In my own opinion he doesn’t even deserve to have you in his presence. I hope you realize how powerful you are and find the courage and the strength to lift yourself from this situation and find what you really deserve “happiness”.

In my quiet moments I believe that I deserve better than he could ever give me but when I am with him and the knots start to come in my stomach and I start to second guess myself and everything that I know to be true! I know he has more issues than I can even imagine but it started off so good between us but now all of that is gone!!!
He is really good at manioulating me into believing that I am beneath him ! that I am less than him!

I know this is for Husbands and wives but it is so helpful. See if any of this, is in you?

http://www.doitnow.org/pages/804.html

Love & Recovery

Codependents usually don’t want their relationships to fall apart, even though in moments of anger they may talk divorce or threaten to leave.

And the most common reason they give for staying with a drinking or using partner is the simplest reason of all: Love.

And in the name of love, they hang on to each shred of hope that their partner will get straight or somehow transform into a social drinker or a weekend user. In the meantime (and while waiting for a miracle that never comes), they invent excuses for their kids, for relatives and friends, for the boss or supervisor.

Then, when the dependent partner turns up, remorseful and contrite, after another binge or bender, the codependent accepts the tearful apologies and believes the heartfelt promises. Again.

If the partners of codependents are sick, so are codependents. On the other hand, they can both recover.

But codependents can help the process along immeasurably by realizing that only they can help themselves.

That’s why they need to get help.

Because their problem isn’t their partner’s drinking or cocaine habit, any more. It’s their own fear, their own anger, their own anxiety, their own resentment.

an alcoholic will only change if they want to change… no one can change them except themselves.

as for him being mean and such… even if he isnt hitting you, verbal is part of domestic violence.

if this man is out for himself and treating you like crap, my suggestion is to move on. no matter how hard it seems at this very moment…

you can take the pain of dropping the loser now or you can endure so much more for many more years to come… its your choice. also, the mother is not helping the matter when she is seeing absolutely nothing wrong with what her son is doing.

Maybe I will not focus on him anymore! I am going to try to switch the focus from him to me and my kids I know I have to change myself he is not ready to change and I can not waste anymore time on him! I want to get healthy for me I want to stop feeling so guitly for not being perfect for him I am REALLY going to concentrate on this for me and my boys!! Thank you

Good for you Anon I wish you all the best :)

Thanks!