friends help: seeking a gracious way to get out of an invitation - Help.com

My grandma died, sorry but i do hav to decline your invitation.

jk but you don’t have to be afraid of social events they don’t bite. well most don’t

Everyboby lies, it needed for survival. Except me, I don’t.

Compromise. Could you explain that parties freek you out, and then just turn up for a short time, or maybe help set up there so you feel more comfortable?

Yeah, four hours of transit for short time seems bad investment, but the alternative is no parties, ever, and dying without a single photo of you drunk and passed out in a toilet.

I’m about as group-social-dynamics-averse [GSDA] as they come. Since everyone knew I had no family, I couldn’t use the generic “family obligations” excuse to dodge uncomfortable party situations. So early on, I just admitted to the GSDA thing, patiently listened to the inevitable well-intentioned “cures & suggestions” from those who don’t get it, thanked them graciously for their offer, and that was that.

chunkymove is right about one thing… I’ll die without having one of those embarrassing photos as proof I pulled a Caesar:
“Veni Vini Vomiti” (I came, I drank, I tossed my cookies)

Don’t lie to your friend. Little white lies are not worth it, and people usually know when other people are making something up. Just let her know that you are uncomfortable around a lot of people you don’t know, and that it is not anything personal. If you enjoy spending time with her one-on-one or in small groups, perhaps you could organize one or more events like that to make it clear that you are not declining out of a desire to avoid her. (But if you just want to keep your friendship with her at the “lunch buddy” level, then don’t try to make plans that don’t interest you.)

If she does give you a hard time about it (as jjlove suggested), keep in mind that it isn’t anything wrong with you, just a difference in how you like to socialize. But don’t convict your friend of being insensitive without giving her a chance to be understanding. Finding one understanding friend is worth putting up with a dozen insensitive ones.

TJ’s advice is very good and sensible.

On the other hand, I think you might also consider rethinking your aversion to parties. Unless you know it’s going to be a party where objectionable things are happening (e.g., heavy drinking, drugs, etc.), you might want to give it a chance. One possibility is to go with someone you already know, so you will have someone to talk to. Another possibility, if you have difficulty making small talk, is that you offer to help host, or cook, or photograph—-something that will give you a task to focus on. A third possibility is that you go for a very short time, just to make your friend happy and to give yourself a little more experience at social gatherings.

There’s no reason that you have to turn yourself into a “party animal,” but you do have a whole lifetime ahead of you of invitations to weddings, showers, anniversary gatherings, family reunions, etc., and you might want to start teaching yourself to survive in that milieu. Assume, for a moment, that you fall in love some day. Your spouse’s family will definitely expect you to take your place at his or her side at such festivities. Similarly, your job—-whether you become a teacher, an artist, an executive, or WHATEVER—-is going to come with certain built-in social expectations that you attend dinners, office parties, conferences with cocktail hours, etc.

Unless you intend to remain a self-employed hermit, you’d better start taking steps toward functioning in these environments.

Good luck!

To my comment about “inevitable well-intentioned cures & suggestions” I should have added “cajoling, admonishments and gentle remonstration.”

Amen! Hermits Don’t Unite! You have nothing to lose but your peace of mind.

just read one of your replies on another post and tried to mark it as the best one, but seems your not verified. If you took the time to create a new email account, then you oculd verfiy and people could shout you and not have to spam your post :-)

also GSDA is not the term for it, its just that english is prisca’s b****.