life help: I didn’t get the job. - Help.com

Okay let me get this straight, you live in Hong Kong. You are experiencing a new place and culture. You have a boyfriend that adores you and is helping you out. I say embrace the experience. Find the Joy. You are not defined by a job. And I read your other post. You have only been there two months three at most. Sweetie, look at the economy, it’s not so pretty and that has nothing to do with you. Keep looking. Look with a very positive attitude. Something will come up eventually. There were probably hundreds of people looking at that job.

And, if you end up having to stay at home, you have had a great adventure. Something most of the world does not have. I was reading an article today and it stated to be truly happy we have to live in the moment. That means enjoy the moment. Are you starving? Are you living on the street? Are you doing what you can to get started? Then enjoy. Promise yourself when you land a job, you will first pay your debts, live within your means, and start paying your family and wonderful boyfriend back.

Cheer up, hon. You have a gift, enjoy it.

OK, Bowl, let’s sort out some things.

First priority: NOT boyfriend. (”WHAT?” you say). No, your first priority is survival. Is your boyfriend supporting you? No? Then he drops down the list of priorities even further.

Going to another country and finding a job there is hard. There are legal restrictions. There is discrimination against immigrants. There is the flat-out ignorance of the human resources personnel involved in the hiring process. When you leave your own country to find a job, the deck is stacked against you. Believe me, I know!

Don’t know where you are, or where you will be going home for Christmas . . . but THERE is the place to look for a job. And don’t shoot yourself down before you even get started. Take your resume in hand, go to the stores and other businesses, and say, “I REALLY NEED A JOB AND I’LL BE ONE OF YOUR BEST WORKERS!”

Boyfriend is hardly a consideration at this point. Sorry.

One other thing . . . Hong Kong is a a LONG way to go with someone and set up housekeeping with when you’re not married to him.

Yes, it’s fun to go to new places and experience new things. But you need a support network in place. The two of you have been flying by the seat of your pants. I’d suggest that you GO HOME and STAY there, at least until “boyfriend” comes up with an engagement ring and a wedding date. This site is full of posts by women who went halfway around the world with a “wonderful” boyfriend who dumped them far, far from home.

In other words, I think you’ve got the cart before the horse. Marriage first . . . see the world together afterwards.

Well, Bowl, I’m glad that you “trust” this guy . . . but you’re designing your entire life around him, and he should have respected you enough to propose marriage. I would posit that in asking you to act as his wife, but not asking you to BE his wife, is SELFISH.

What you have here, Bowl, is very, very tenuous.

And, to complicate matters, you are a Westerner who has gone into an Oriental culture, and in that culture all hiring is done through family connections. You could come over with five Nobel prizes, and you still probably wouldn’t get hired.

I hope you will just take some time to think about what is best for YOU . . . and I see you trying to fulfill your boyfriend’s expectations, but I do not see him trying to fulfill yours!

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