boyfriend help: why isn’t it the same? - Help.com

why isn’t it the same?

i broke up with my boyfriend about a week ago and we got back together on monday. he used to be so loving, but now he barely hugs me, kisses me, holds me, or even talks to me. is it my fault that our relationship basically has none of that anymore? what do i do, and why is he acting like that?

This open post was written 11 months, 3 weeks ago | V/U/S: 194, 5, 6 | Edit Post | Leave a reply | Report Post


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elusive_creature offline Verified User (1 year, 5 months) Long Term User Shouts: 6 #
An Unknown Location | 11 months, 3 weeks ago (32 minutes after post)

could be that maybe he is still hurt about the break up even though you are back together… He still probably likes you but is afraid to open up just cuz he doesn want to set himself up to get hurt… Talk to him about it see how he feels and if he really wants this relationship to work… If he doesn want to talk force him to, cuz if he is being silent than something is wrong

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Victoria Sponge offline Verified User (2 years, 9 months) Long Term User Shouts: 12 #
Fritwell, K2, GB | 11 months, 3 weeks ago (1 hour, 13 minutes after post)

This happened to my boyfriend, his girlfriend of 3 years dumped him, then then got back together, he said that she broke all his trust and ruined their love by betraying the relationship like that, they tried for another year t make it work but the love had been lost as much as he still cared for her. Why did you break up with him in the first place? Maybe he is still hurting from it

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Huwith offline Verified User (11 months, 3 weeks) Long Term User Shouts: 0 #
An Unknown Location | 11 months, 3 weeks ago (3 hours, 37 minutes after post)

Well the brain science is that you and he had been chemically connected while you were going out. The Dopamine in your brain was pushing you to see him while the Serotonin was giving you that ‘Yum’ feeling while you were together. I think that when you broke up he went off those brain chemicals cold turkey and now doesn’t have them anymore and simply being together again isn’t building them up.

To put it another way I think that breaking up severed his feelings for you and being back together hasn’t built the feelings back up again. Is it your fault? it is your fault that you broke up with him but not that he’s having that particular reaction to the break. Honestly I think that you lost your feelings for him in a moment then got them back later, what are you suppose to do about that? what can anyone do about that? love comes and goes like a tide. Whether it comes or goes is nobody’s fault it’s a natural flow that’s impossible to control.

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warren22 offline Verified User (11 months, 3 weeks) Long Term User Shouts: 0 #
An Unknown Location | 11 months, 3 weeks ago (3 hours, 40 minutes after post)

He’s probably hurt or wounded. It’s a guy thing. If you broke up with him, it may be a protection thing where he’s guarding against further hurt by not investing his feelings too quickly until he feels the relationship is more secure. Why open up himself to you only to have you inflict more pain again.
Why did you break up with him? Was it your decision to break up rather than his.
I would guess he doesn’t feel a lot of trust in you or in the relationship right now.
If that’s the case you have to genuinely earn that trust again, and it has to be real, not a self gratifying act.

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