Love help: If anyone is willing to take a look, I just wrote a song/poem/something that sometimes rhymes and would like to hear your feedback. - Help.com

If anyone is willing to take a look, I just wrote a song/poem/something that sometimes rhymes and would like to hear your feedback.

Otherwise I’m just happy to get it out of my head and on paper (well, more like digital paper).

Thanks in advance …

(it clocks in at around 4 minutes when I sing it and perhaps sounds better when its sung than when it’s read

Standing on your doorstep
Whispering these words
Things I want to say to you
Things you’ve never heard

I want to impress you with my smoothness
And keep you so engrossed
But the words are coming slowly
And I feel like I am gonna blow this

There are so many things on my mind
That I just want to say
How I love it when you smile
How I cannot bear to see you cry
And so I try so hard
To make you laugh
Even if you’re laughing at me
Oh it’s me
And this ain’t no f###ing movie
And I’m not whispering for effect
This is what I’m telling you
And this is how I’m gonna say it
How I love you
How I love to see you smile
How I cannot bear to see you cry
And so I try so hard
To make you laugh
Even if you’re laughing at me
Oh it’s me
And this ain’t no f###ing movie
And I’m not whispering for effect

Please open your door
Just let me come in
The cold and the wind
They bite through to my skin

The words on my lips
They may not be scripted
Even though I’ve had them in my mind
And I’ve gone through them again and again

There are so many things on my mind
That I just want to say
How I love it when you smile
How I cannot bear to see you cry
And so I try so hard
To make you laugh
Even if you’re laughing at me
Oh it’s me
And this ain’t no f###ing movie
And I’m not whispering for effect
This is what I’m telling you
And this is how I’m gonna say it
How I love you
How I love to see you smile
How I cannot bear to see you cry
And so I try so hard to make you laugh
Even if you’re laughing at me
Oh it’s me
And this ain’t no f###ing movie
And I’m not whispering for effect

Sit down next to me
And listen to my story
Focus on the words focus on the meaning
Focus, girl, just focus please on me

Here we go build it up
We’re coming to the climax
This is the part that matters
These are the words that I need you to hear

There are so many things on my mind
That I just want to say
How I love it when you smile
How I cannot bear to see you cry
And so I try so hard to make you laugh
Even if you’re laughing at me
Oh it’s me
And this ain’t no f###ing movie
And I’m not whispering for effect
This is what I’m telling you
And this is how I’m gonna say it
How I love you
How I love to see you smile
How I cannot bear to see you cry
And so I try so hard to make you laugh
Even if you’re laughing at me
Oh it’s me
And this ain’t no f###ing movie
And I’m not whispering for effect

If only this had been a movie
If only I had whispered for effect
If only I had whispered for effect

… Thanks again for any responses

This open post was written 11 months, 4 weeks ago | V/U/S: 180, 14, 5 | Edit Post | Leave a reply | Report Post

Love, Bear, word, smile, ing, cry, Hard, Effect, laughing, song, music, emo (How Tags Affect Reciprocity)

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