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What am I doing!
I dont know what to do! One second Im as happy as can be, but something shoots me down in seconds, sometimes for ABSOLUTLY NO REASON. And when Im down, Im sad, full of incredible pessimism or even rage. This is not me, Im a happy person. It has to be this medication for my skin im takin, they said it cud have depression side effects. But I think my new life is adding to this, Im changing now that ive left school. Plus I havnt had a relationship neither meaningful or physical in a long time.
Ive cut off two good and long friendships almost instantly on seperate occasions, no build up or nothin, just an intense 10 minutes both that ended up in hatred. I came home at 11 totally happy went onto facebook and jsut went crazy, I think in my state jealously made me hate everyones happiness, and I know it sounds stupid but I just screwed everythin on facebook i cud, wreckin my profile among other things. Its honestly uncontrollable and I dont know what to do. I can easily hide behind something and hide what i feel is happenin to me, but in the case ive let myself flow ive destroyed frienships and acted like a real ***. I find myself saying shut up as i let a single comment swirl in my head, to make sure it doesnt get to me or send me down. Im not being stupid, there IS something wrong and I CANT PINPOINT IT, i feel ive got to leave what is going on here, I gotta run from it all but it wudnt do anything in this ultra senstive depressed state im in. how can i get back!
This open post was written 11 months, 4 weeks ago | V/U/S: 173, 8, 4 | Edit Post | Leave a reply | Report Post
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