friends help: Right now my anxiety and depression level are very high and I feel like I am about to loose control.

alittlebitofrandom

Right now my anxiety and depression level are very high and I feel like I am about to loose control.

I just got news that a friend of mine lost her mom on Tuesday and this made my whole night crash. On Wednesday is three years that my dad died. Right now I feel so angry and I can’t stop shaking. I went outside to get some fresh air and smoke but i am still freaking out. The thought of suicide or hurting myself keeps going through my head. I would not commit suicide but I would cut myself. I literally had to keep my hands flat on my desk to keep me from doing anything destructive. I took a stick of candy and broke it all up to try to release of some that anger and it didn’t help. I started digging my nails into the palms of my hand. I feel like I could lose control right now. I am just really freaking out. I had an anxiety attack this morning but after that my day went pretty well. I don’t know if I really had a manic episode because I don’t know what that is but I was really excited freaking out earlier.

A little background. I have depression, a see a counselor once a week (I saw her today) and I am on Effexor for anxiety and depression.

Sorry for the rant but I just need to get this out. Maybe I do need to see a counselor more than once a week. I really hate this stuff all the time. You have no idea how hard it was to not use a swear word at all in the post.

This open post was written 11 months, 3 weeks ago | V/U/S: 471, 13, 6 | Edit Post | Leave a reply | Report Post

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Since writing this post alittlebitofrandom may have helped people, but has not within the last 4 days. alittlebitofrandom is a verified member, has been around for 1 year, 1 month and has 42 posts and 135 replies to their name.

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friends, death, suicide, Venlafaxine, Pain and nociception, Earth's atmosphere, hand, Head, Week, anxiety (How Tags Affect Reciprocity)

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HelpBot 5 #
San Francisco, CA, US | 11 months, 3 weeks ago (0 minutes after post)

If you are contemplating suicide, hurting yourself, or you are seriously depressed: please, seek professional help!

Call this hotline (1-800-273-8255) operated by our friends at the
Suicide Prevention Lifeline, anytime, for free, professional, and
confidential assistance. While other Help.com users are likely to reply
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Animal i have become 9 #
An Unknown Location | 11 months, 3 weeks ago (4 minutes after post)

thats ok swear all you want
thats what this site is for rant all you need
if you ever want to talk just tell me

Help me with: …

soyourehereto 0 #
An Unknown Location | 11 months, 3 weeks ago (5 minutes after post)

I lost my father when I was very young. I understand where you’re coming from and really believe if you’ve experienced so much and have the capacity to feel so strongly for your friend in their time of need, you must be an incredible person with amazing feelings. You should use these in a productive way. You seem very articulate - ever consider writing or another artisitc endeavor to express your emotions? I know it’s easier said than done but really: most of the people that are depressed are the ones who have incredible minds and complex, important thoughts. You are clearly worth far more than you realize.

alittlebitofrandom 6 #
An Unknown Location | 11 months, 3 weeks ago (12 minutes after post)

I do have very strong emotions. I channel a lot of it in music. I am a music major and I listen to it practically 24/7.

The night wrote:
thats ok swear all you wantthats what this site is for rant all you needif you ever want to talk just tell me

If I swear my post would not go up :(

The bad thing about having such strong emotions, it is really hard for me to hold myself back when I am so angry. This is when I scare myself the most. I know how powerful I can be. I would never end my life because I think about my mom and sister wayyyy to much and all of my friends. I could never do that to them. But it makes the pain harder.

Help me with: I should have known my depression would get worse once school started.

alittlebitofrandom 6 #
An Unknown Location | 11 months, 3 weeks ago (20 minutes after post)

So a friend of mine just imed me telling me about another one of his friends who died as well. I really cannot take people dying anymore. Seriously…….

Help me with: I should have known my depression would get worse once school started.

thistorontogu #
An Unknown Location | 11 months, 3 weeks ago (20 minutes after post)

Dude I totally understand where you are coming from. I have been in the exact spot you describe. It’s horrible.
First of all, arrange to see a professional therapist ASAP. Second, I think you’re actually doing not bad - judging from what you’ve written here, you seem to be quite self-aware, and that’s half the battle right there. Third, think of some small totally uncomplicated thing that gives you pleasure - something as simple as a hot cup of coffee, or a playing a computer game that you like, or listening to your favorite band, etc. and DO it. Do that thing you like, and really focus on it. Soon you will notice that it has been several minutes since you were focussing on how rotten you feel. You took a break from it! So it doesn’t have to be the way you feel all the time, which is one of the crappy things about depression - you feel like you’ll never get out of it.
Lastly, have you tried any other ADs aside from Effexor? They all tend to have weird side-effects - talk to your therapist and let them know that the medication isn’t working. Try a different one - everybody has different reactions to different ADs, and you just gotta find the one that works for you.
Good luck. I’ve been through what you’re going through and got to the other end. And I ain’t no one special. You can do it too.
Oh yeah. Last thing - find a good friend to help you through this. makes all the difference.

This account has been deactivated.

alittlebitofrandom 6 #
An Unknown Location | 11 months, 3 weeks ago (57 minutes after post)

thistorontogu wrote:
Dude I totally understand where you are coming from. I have been in the exact spot you describe. It’s horrible.First of all, arrange to see a professional therapist ASAP. Second, I think you’re actually doing not bad - judging from what you’ve written here, you seem to be quite self-aware, and that’s half the battle right there. Third, think of some small totally uncomplicated thing that gives you pleasure - something as simple as a hot cup of coffee, or a playing a computer game that you like, or listening to your favorite band, etc. and DO it. Do that thing you like, and really focus on it. Soon you will notice that it has been several minutes since you were focussing on how rotten you feel. You took a break from it! So it doesn’t have to be the way you feel all the time, which is one of the crappy things about depression - you feel like you’ll never get out of it.Lastly, have you tried any other ADs aside from Effexor? They all tend to have weird side-effects - talk to your therapist and let them know that the medication isn’t working. Try a different one - everybody has different reactions to different ADs, and you just gotta find the one that works for you.Good luck. I’ve been through what you’re going through and got to the other end. And I ain’t no one special. You can do it too.Oh yeah. Last thing - find a good friend to help you through this. makes all the difference.

I have tried other ADs in the past. I have been on Lexapro, Zoloft, Wellbutrin and two other ones I can’t think of at the moment. Right now I just have no idea what to think. I thought I was doing better. Whenever I think that, I crash again.

Help me with: I should have known my depression would get worse once school started.

alittlebitofrandom 6 #
An Unknown Location | 11 months, 3 weeks ago (1 hour after post)

I am trying to email my counselor about all of this. How do I put in words that don’t seem to crazy, that I had problems with self control and hurting myself?

Help me with: I should have known my depression would get worse once school started.

alittlebitofrandom 6 #
An Unknown Location | 11 months, 3 weeks ago (1 hour, 2 minutes after post)

and adding that I don’t want to commit suicide but the thoughts have been in my head

Help me with: I should have known my depression would get worse once school started.

Je ne sais pa 213 #
An Undisclosed Location | 11 months, 3 weeks ago (10 hours, 19 minutes after post)

well i would tell you to think of the things which motivates you to live. think of your family your dreams and goals which you have strived to achieve and know if you do indeed plan to kill your self think of it as quiting and just saying i just can’t. i know that every body has their own demons but fighting might seem like too much of a strain but please do not take your life. or even think of it. i know times have gotten hard and not only on our emotional but also economically. well know i’d beg you not to do so and if you must know tears are pilling up because i know of a friend whom killed himself and i know i might not hav impact on you but please do not think of taking your life and fight for your loved ones please:)

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alittlebitofrandom 6 #
An Unknown Location | 11 months, 2 weeks ago (18 hours, 48 minutes after post)

I would never actually commit suicide. I could never hurt my family or friends. I have the thoughts though, and sometimes they get really bad. I know it is not normal to have these thoughts. I did email my counselor and she tole me I should have my medication checked out again. I am almost thinking I just need to go in and have tests done and be evaluated. But I almost feel like I would miss too much school.

Help me with: I should have known my depression would get worse once school started.

Je ne sais pa 213 #
An Undisclosed Location | 11 months, 2 weeks ago (3 days, 10 hours after post)

actually i think it is a very common thought, i mean alot of teens/young adults seem to submit to suicide due to alot of stress and personal issues

Help me with: How to cure your help.com addiction

uddipaya 2 #
An Unknown Location | 10 months, 3 weeks ago (3 weeks, 6 days after post)

Forget thinking about yourself for a month. Have a resolution that you will think about others. Every day try to think about each person you know what they-like or do-not-like what are their pains / dreams / plans and pray for them try to be them for a few minutes every day. Slowly your perception about yourself will change and you will discover a new meaning to your life.

Sometimes depression is a result of too much preoccupation with oneself and thinking what’s wrong with oneself failing to see what’s right. Thinking about others will open up our vision to the plus and minus in each person and slowly we start appreciating the plus in us.

Help me with: My Pain = Total Pain in the world / No.

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