friends help: I wonder. - Help.com

I wonder.

A little, narrative “what-happened-today-in-my-sort-of-fantastic-yet-still-unexperienced-life”. Only you are getting the end of my day, as I am leaving school.

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As I came out into the cold wintry air, all I could think of was, “I’m going to see him like I always do, and he is going to see me, like he always does, but we’ll pretend we didn’t. Then I’ll walk past him and he’ll watch me until I leave.”

While my thoughts rushed through my head, I caught his eye. There he was; my friend, someone I cared about, looking me straight in the face.

I instantly thought back to my first day at this school. I felt like a total and complete nerd while everyone was observing me, seeing if they knew who I was. Even though I started on the same day everyone else did, I still felt like the one who had no friends. That had been months ago, now, things were better.

After less than a second I was back to looking at my feet, as he was.

“Stupid gym bag”, I thought to myself.

I was carrying my gym bag and my lunch box with my outrageously heavy backpack balancing on my shoulder. I would’ve only had to carry my lunch box, but I did not feel the need to walk home today. If I was going to call my dad to hitch a ride then I was going to bring all my junk home.

I was getting closer to his group of friends. I always wondered if he told them about me, if they too watched his reaction to every predictable step I took. Maybe he did like me, as I thought he did..

“No,” My mind scolded me, “No guys ever like you. He’s just a friend. That’s how it always is with you,”

I agreed.

After a few fast, lengthy steps I was away from him, my heart still beating from either the load I was carrying or my nervousness around him (or both).

He was still watching me. I had myself turned in a way where I could see him from the corner of my eye.
Why must I be me? If I was attractive to any guy maybe I would’ve had the confidence to —dare I say it— flirt.

I finally got to where I could sit and call my father. Before I could throw away all that gave me discomfort (aka. lunchbox, gym bag, backpack), I had to dodge the most embarrassing of all obstacles.

Right infront of me was my old elementary school buddy (he doesn’t know who I am anymore, thank God) and his girlfriend. They were embracing one another, disguising their kisses under their hair. I always thought them to be a bit strange, but just they way they looked now was somehow different. Just the way they were with eachother; him wrapping his arms around her gently, yet protectively.

I had to stop staring, and I did. I know when to give people their own personal space, even if they were right infront of me. I took out my book and tried to ingnore the couple as they walked around in circles serveral times (most likely trying to find a good spot to keep showing some good ol’ P.D.A.).

After a while my routine was simple: Look up, look down, see him, see her, back to the book, check the cell phone, watch the road for any familiar cars, look over here, there. Of course, when I looked left to the bus lines I saw those deep, brown eyes again. I was pretty sure he didn’t realize that I was staring him down, hoping that maybe he was just looking at something else. At the same time wishing I could be there beside him instead of where I was at that moment.

I wondered to myself, “If only. If only I could be so blessed to have someone who will believe me to be special; someone to lift my spirits when I’ve had a rough day, or to just make it better when everything runs smooth.”

If only.. my thoughts drifted as I saw another couple showing their adoration for one another quite openly.

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shall I keep going? Or was this the worst thing you’ve ever read.

This open post was written 11 months, 3 weeks ago | V/U/S: 114, 5, 2 | Edit Post | Leave a reply | Report Post

friends, Eye, book, Watch, school, Lunch, box, Thought, backpack, Felt (How Tags Affect Reciprocity)

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