boyfriend help: How do you know? - Help.com

He does not sound racist he sounds ignorant

What is the difference?

He has a derogitory name for ever race and it drives me crazy!

I think by ingorant the reply means that your b/f doesn’t know what he’s talking about when he makes those comments

But it is hatred he judges everyone on how they look, where they live even kids if they are like the goth kids he is like look at that loser his parents must be so proud and when I say you don’t even know them they could be straight A students and the nicest kids in the world he says I am naive and stupid.

He sounds both racist and ingorant!
Racist for making such slurs!
And ingorant because he judges on appearances!
Also he sounds condescending, because he’s clarly putting you down by insulting your intelligence!

absolutly!! He thinks that he and his family are far better than the rest of us unwashed masses (those are his exact words!!) He always makes me feel like I am not good enough like I should be so thankful he even talks to me let alone dates me!!

He finds himself better than everyone else.. Which is both good and bad.. He is arrogant and thats his problem..

How is it good???

unwashed masses?
What does this mean?
Is this a slur against your socio-economic background?

That means anyone who does not live up to HIS standards it could be anyone he deems
beneath him!! He truly does look down on everyone!!

The unwashed masses!
Wow, what a bizarre way to describe people you think are inferior!

Can I ask something personal?

What do you see in this guy?

I don’t know I think he was not like this at first and slowly he started to show his true colors and beating me down the whole time and before I knew he I was

How long have you been together?

2 years.

And when did he start to act this way?

Well about a year in I started to really question comments he was making even about me and my children and everytime I said something he would laugh and say it was only a joke! He would then stop for a while and then again with horrible comments about others that is just not in my make up at all so I have huge issue with this and he says it is because I am too naive.

Ok. I don’t mean to be rude. Because asking a girl her age, is apparently a no no!
But if you have kids, I would imagine you at an age that implies you are not naive at all!

Seriously, its one thing to be horrible to you, and to randoms.
But if he’s making awful cracks about your kids, I would seriously consider leaving him.

I am 39. not young and idealistic at all but I accept all people for and what they are and since I am not perfect I chose not to judge others because you never know what could happen so I look at people from a place of love and undrestanding and he is the exact oppisite

I would hardly call a 39 year old naive.
Unless they had been raised in a bubble!

They do say opposites attract!
However, in this case, it doesn’t sound like a good thing!

And at 39 I would also imagine that your kids are still at an age where a bad step-father figure would not be good for their self esteem!

Perhaps it is time to move on.

If however you feel the relationship is worth saving, I would suggest telling him to shape up or ship out!

If you think that is too extreme…
Trying answer a few simple questions.

1) What reason does he have to be acting this way?
2) Has something happened in his life in the last year that would turn him so bitter and cynical?
3) Is he depressed?

He acts this way because his mother (whom he lives with) makes me feel like he is far superior to any of us”unwashed masses”
No nothing has happened to him he has a cake life!!!
No I don’t think he is depressed.

A cake life?
Do you mean that everything is simply handed to him?
Or he gets whatever he wants?

I didn’t want to mention this…
But is there a possibility that he is straying at all?

I went out with a guy that looked down on me like that once, he said to me unless my father has a professional career he would not date me, so I tild him I would no longer be dating him. He had the berve to suggest it was because I was embarressed by my father, more like I was embarressed by him. I think the most important question you need to ask yourself is do I want my children to learn values from this man?

yes that he gets everything handed to him his mommy takes care of everything for him! I don’t think he straying but I do think he is depserat;y still love with his ex wife! she left him for another man!

How old is this “man”?

Anonymous wrote:
How is it good???

Gives him self-confidence.. Makes him go for his goals..

Adrenaline! wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
How is it good???

Gives him self-confidence.. Makes him go for his goals..

Arrogance and assertiveness are not synomymous!

he is 42 years old.

Oh dear oh dear!
Has he always lived with his Mommy?

no just after his divorce but his mommyhas always taken care of him!!

No wonder he got divorced.
Hmmmm. Perhaps its time to re-evaluate.

That is what I thought she went on every vacation with them, paid for everything they did bailed him out numerous times from credit card debt made home improvements for them!

Dougie the Pisces wrote:

Adrenaline! wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
How is it good???

Gives him self-confidence.. Makes him go for his goals..

Arrogance and assertiveness are not synomymous!

Wasnt talking about arrogance.. but the fact that he finds himself better than others :)

No one is better than anyone else.