Set Me Free
So how long am I going to dwell? I lost, yes I know, yet I’m still in pain and hurting (I just know a way to fuse it within me and hold it there and dump it there like a waste and forget it).
How much more time do I waste over her? She, who continues to be in the back of my mind, endlessly. How many more pills do I take to completely forget her?
She is with someone else—in love, again—just after this break up! Yes, I AM ANGRY, of course. No, I am not jealous. It’s just amazing how a guy just pops out of the blue right after you. Took her like 3 days later man! It’s like I was just a f***ing experiment. I’m not even mad about him being…ok maybe it’s racist, but oh well, screw it, screw it.
I got it all under control. I’m moving on and she is too (”moving on”). It’s good. It’s just sometimes, like today, I go to the toilet and I sit there and I just dwell. I’m proud because for days I lived my life. I attempted my best to completely forget her. I start to hang out with people, people I appreciate, people that I consider friends (amazing people, they make me cry, cause I’m going to miss them). It’s just suck that I have to leave to go to college.
You get happy, you get peaceful, you find joy, then you remember her, then you want to email her and say, “hey! I am very sorry for what I did, I am so happy for you; for you and Daniel, your new to be hubby/hunny. I hope we can stay friends!” As I wrote that, I started to feel bad. Remembering that I cussed her out and everything. She’ll never forgive me for that. So I left.
Now back to the toilet seat feeling angry. “I got to take that pill again. No. I want to dwell. I can take the pill later. Ok. Let’s write in Help.com or somewhere online. I really want this out of me. I don’t care if no one will read. I’ll write it in face book too. Anything just to set me free,” I contemplated.
Yeah. I can write down how many things I’ve done just to be with her. It won’t mean anything though. It was all my decisions. They weren’t worthless cause they taught me $#!+ just so I could survive.
Should I feel good that this was all my fault? Blindly I dug a pit for myself. My ex was blind too so she fell in the same pit. It’s biblical. Blind people who try to dig just to find a treasure, blind people follow them, and they all fall in the same pit; question is how do they get out?
It’s not so bad see. I always tell myself, the world was built by fire, so that in time it cools and toughen. Just like a man. Pain, suffer, hurt, and oppression makes them stronger in time. I feel much stronger now. Yet, I get scared that I get stronger, something worse happens but then yeah to make me stronger(er).
Life becomes so real. It’s possible, really possible, you won’t get a second chance. Wait. I had lots of second chances with that girl. I blew it. Now it’s real. No more chances. No more. So, set me free.
It’s over. Game over. I don’t need to plug in anymore game coins for this game machine programmed for me to lose so I can try again with another game machine. Bad analogy, yes, I know.
I still believe in love. I will fall in love again. I won’t be alone. No one is meant to be alone. I’m insignificant but I find others significant. They help me. I want to help them. I still believe in love to set me free. Set me free.
*Sigh*
What more can I say? No, I’m done. I lost her. Who cares? Life moves on and I got no choice but to move with it. I hate it. I hate moving on but I have to. Yeah. Everything I’m doing is because “I HAVE TO.” That’s my reason for everything.
Am I going to kill myself over this girl? She swiftly moved on with her life and left me. It was so quick. I’ve already wasted so much time. I’m not wasting anymore of my time over this. I’m setting myself free.
Warren
This open post was written 12 months ago | V/U/S: 176, 23, 4 | Edit Post | Leave a reply | Subscribe to Replies | Report Post
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Since writing this post Warr3n may have helped people, but has not within the last 4 days. Warr3n is a verified member, has been around for 2 years, 10 months and has 69 posts and 711 replies to their name.
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