life help: I have been married for four years and recently separated. - Help.com

wow! you sound like you’re really strong willed. your husband is trying to break you down, make you play by his rules. you need to send him the message that if you return to him, you do it on your terms!

if you weren’t happy in the relationship how could you be happy to 1) return to it as it is 2) return to it in the way he demands?

i have been in relationships where i have given in and met demands, and it shows weakness. they keep doing it when they know they can get away with it.

do what makes you happy. men tend to need time to think about things. maybe he needs space. give him a good scare, show him that you’re serious about the separation. he’ll smarten up his act if he knows you’re for real.

Well… it seems to me that if you want to fix things it would only be harder if you are not together to fix them. If he is abusive then a separation for your well being is understandable… but fighting / arguments are a two way street.

You’ve told us what your husbands deal is… but you didn’t mention how you are responsible for any of this. Only by taking some responsibility will you get some control… if you make this all about him, then he has all the control.

While you will not be able to move forward very effectively while separated, you still can (in baby steps). So it’s my opinion that you tell your husband (who does sound pretty controlling) When he makes the appointment to for the two of you to see a marriage counselor, you’ll meet him at the appointment and decide there if you can move back home.

Thanks partlythere and Richard…i really appreciate your advice. It helped :-)

my pleasure Annie… give me a shout anytime :)

Bright blessings ~ Richard