Love help: infidelity and love - Help.com

no it can not be justified in my eyes

Are you the one in love?
or your mate?

No worries,:)

I think you can love someone and still cheat. I loved someone and I know at least one of the reasons why she cheated was because of me. I was rotten to her and I forced her to get what she wanted from someone else. Now that shouldn’t excuse what she did. But I do understand it. The problem there was she didn’t respect me enough to let me know that I wasn’t giving her what she needed out of the relationship. You can love someone and not respect them. I think that is the problem with a lot of relationships regarding infidelity. They have love but no respect. That’s just my take.

I know how you feel I have a bofriend and he calls me everynight and I don’t know how to tell him stop calling everynight but last night I tried to avoid him now I feel terrible he’s my first relationship and I don’t think I’m ready but I do like him but we haven’t even hugged and even kissed but he’s so sweet it’d just break his heart mine too!

No, we are supposed to maintain control over our thoughts and feelings. Impossible, you say? No, not at all. We are obligated to keep our minds out of the gutter and to avoid compromising situations.

What DOES happen, however, is that people with abusive spouses will often look for love somewhere else. We all want to be loved. The spouse who constantly puts down his or her spouse, or who is engaged in destructive habits, or who is generally ill-tempered all the time . . . that spouse shouldn’t be surprised when his or her spouse strays.

But for a spouse to simply act on an attraction to someone else . . . no it is wrong.

I think it can actually

If that person is in reality a rutting pig.

But if that person is a human being, with reasoning skills, and thereby the power to make choices… it’s a poor excuse in my opinion.

Bright blessings ~ Richard

I have to agree with some of the replies that if someone really loves the other, and the other person makes this someone feel like a million dollars, cheating never occurs. If someone cheats, there is always a reason why he/she did it and most likely is because the other person didn’t fulfill something the someone needed, let it be mental, physical and emotional needs. Love turned to like long before he/she cheated.

If you really love someone, you shouldn’t let it grow like that with any other. Simple as that.

There is no excuse for cheating, in my opinion. Unless they haven’t got a heart (literally) then they’d just be a zombie who means nothing to society.

Harsh, but my point of view.

There’s a line, yes. Someone actually told me the other day that apparently if you’re in a relationship and you have feelings for someone else and tell them, it’s cheating already. That I think, is a little ridiculous. However, if you ACT upon those feelings, then it crosses that line and you should be shot.

So in conclusion, with the OP’s question with that quote, it implies that action has already been taken, therefore, NO it is NOT an excuse. It’s a poor excuse for a cop-out because you’re thinking with your genitalia rather than your brain and common sense.

Sorry, I should add that by “you” in that last sentence, I didn’t mean anyone personally, just as a collective statement.

If you fall in love with someone. Then get together with them, and for whatever reason that love fades and you fall for another…
The most sensible and respectful thing to do is to leave the person you do not love.

Living in a loveless relationship is not healthy.
Also if you do, its probably sensible to stay out of any relationship for while.

And then if you do feel the same way about the second person after a time, then get together with them.

Often people fall for another while in relationship because they feel neglected.
trying to substitute one person for another is also not healthy or wise.

Cheating is not on!

Dougie the Pisces wrote:
If you fall in love with someone. Then get together with them, and for whatever reason that love fades and you fall for another…
The most sensible and respectful thing to do is to leave the person you do not love.

Living in a loveless relationship is not healthy.
Also if you do, its probably sensible to stay out of any relationship for while.

And then if you do feel the same way about the second person after a time, then get together with them.

Often people fall for another while in relationship because they feel neglected.
trying to substitute one person for another is also not healthy or wise.

Cheating is not on!

Well said. I agree. There are other methods than trying to have your cake and eat it too.

no, it can’t be justified.

whenever someone cheats, the direct result of that is pain.

You can still fall in “love with someone else” and still respect your

current partners’ dignity.

Why not break up first or tell your current partner?

No, it’s not an excuse, your basically saying. “My needs and desire

for this other person is more important then your dignity.”

no. i have personally experienced this and i believe that you dont have to resort to cheating. if you dont love someone anymore just tell them BEFORE YOU DO ANYTHING WITH THE OTHER PARTY. :o

i dont think it can justify it because it hurts the other person but it is still giving in to how you really feel and if it’s truly love and not just lust or heat of the moment then even if it’s sad and it hurts, it would be the best thing to happen to your old relationship because you find out if your heart really belongs to each other. too bad if your partner still loves you though, but it happens to a lot of people in any time and place

You can not jusdstify what you’ve done but now that it’s to late. You need to chose one. If the one that you loved really trust you. Both of you know forgivness is true.
I have been married 26 years and admiit that it happened just once the first year.
Now you all need to think about what you have is it true love or only a fad?
best of luck. An middle aged lady in true love enduring.

There is a true love, it is patiants,care, understanding, communicating effectively, and most of all, it does exist in time. I married a man, whom I knew but was not in love the first year or two. Love takes time. I was 19 and he was 30. So age is not all that makes true love. Dec. 23rd 1982 is when we got married in a hurry too.
It did not take money to fall in love or to get married. I rented a chaple at city hall for 50 bucks and they always say with this ring I be-wed. Did you ever think
a ring is a synbo of true love did it have to cost a lot of money. I’ll tell you this, it does not honey. I went to a corner o young street where a vendor sold me two rings for $2. We wed with those rings and then on or first annaversery we got real rings just 14 kg. Did it matter to me how much my wedding had cost. No it would have matter much more if I’d lost the beliefe that love can never be TRUE the belief I see that seems to be in you.

Not bothering to read the other answers, sorry.

But, in my opinion, if you leave someone for someone else, it’s because you never truely loved the original person, and therefore you are a liar. There is no justification.

Gnaia why are you upset. life goes on find you love somewhere someday i am sure!

Anonymous wrote:
There is a true love, it is patiants,care, understanding, communicating effectively, and most of all, it does exist in time. I married a man, whom I knew but was not in love the first year or two. Love takes time. I was 19 and he was 30. So age is not all that makes true love. Dec. 23rd 1982 is when we got married in a hurry too.
It did not take money to fall in love or to get married. I rented a chaple at city hall for 50 bucks and they always say with this ring I be-wed. Did you ever think
a ring is a synbo of true love did it have to cost a lot of money. I’ll tell you this, it does not honey. I went to a corner o young street where a vendor sold me two rings for $2. We wed with those rings and then on or first annaversery we got real rings just 14 kg. Did it matter to me how much my wedding had cost. No it would have matter much more if I’d lost the beliefe that love can never be TRUE the belief I see that seems to be in you.

Why did yu marry him?
if you don’t mind me asking.

I married him because i had dated him when i was 15 and 16. i thought i knew what love was then. but it was puppy love. i met him at my sisters wedding. he was the best man. he was 11 years older then me and treated me with respect and dignaty.
He never took away what god had gave to me. but he loved me so and was very afraid he was falling in love with a child.so we brook up and i never seen him after that for three years.i knew from my brother in law that he was still around.
I fell in love with another man when i was just 18. we lived together for a year and then he was killed in a car accendent. i was devastaed as any one would be. then to find out from the doc. i was pregnant what a shock. anyhow as weeks when by my brother in law found out. he gave oul charles my phone number and to my surprise. when i told him i was not interested in dating and told him i was scared and pregnant.
Never haveing seen me in years. he just said .
“thats my baby and he offered to stay with me for ever. so i perposed to him a month later and we were married 10 days later. dec 24rd. a son was born to us in may
And he excepted everyday all the resonsbilites of being a dad. a great dad and our son knows.( about the story of is natural father) i married the man i will lve and now will always be with. ps. turned out we could.t have children togehther anyhow.
Thats my christmas miracle. married 26 happy long years on tuesday.

That’s wonderful, Anonymous.

ANd it’s a true blessing. :)

I hope to find that one day.

zoo_baw wrote:
yeah, happy anniversary anon. hope you’ll continue being happy for years to come.

Indeed. :) 26 years is quite a feat these days. Congratulations, and happy anniversary.

I think that someone can fall out of love with someone even when the other still loves them with all of their heart. You cannot control life. I think that there is no justification for cheating, it is better to be honest and let the other know that you dont feel the same you once did about them.But cheating is no matter what, never justifiable. If they dont love you anymore the sad truth is to leave because other wise it just causes pain and you deserve to be happy. You may still love them even once they have hurt you but love can only work when it is both of you. I have learned the hard way that love cant work when you do all the loving and the other is not in love. TO be truly in love is to want their happiness more than yours. So if they are happy with someone else the sad truth is you must let them go not matter how hard. I believe that there is someone out there for everyone and this person may not be the one. Or they may realize how great u were too late. and then will you take them back? can you forgive them fo rhte pain they put you through?

i find this thread very interesting actually. i think everyone agrees that cheating is wrong and that there is really no justification for it. but, i’m wondering if anyone here has actually been in a situation like the one being discussed. i mean, let’s say you meet someone outside of your marriage and become friends. and you get closer with each day and next thing you know, boom, you fall in love. i mean, that can happen just out of the blue. now back on the homefront, your married and not unhappy persay but maybe not completely happy either. you may still love your spouse but maybe you are not in love with them anymore. and lets say you have children also and you wouldn’t want to do anything to upset them or make their lives more difficult. so that all being said, you feel trapped. you are not ‘in love’ with your spouse, you are not getting what you need from them emotionally, you are not happy in your marriage and you find yourself head over heals in love with someone else. you cant get them out of your mind and fall deeper in love with them each day. what do you do? do you give up the person who makes you feel alive again? do you let this person go even though you don’t remember ever feeling this way before? or do you continue to lead a double life and enjoy the best of both worlds considering you’ve never been happier but don’t want to change your situation and hurt the other people involved? i just think that you have to consider more than just the black and white areas in this scenario because it often runs much deeper than that. i’m just sayin………

while i have loved and lost with infedelity, ultimately i found true happiness in one.
I can understand it and it may work well for some but jealousy is rife in todays society, the media telss us its wrong, your father does everyone does (almost).

If you can think outside the box then you can, There will always be one person I love in my life, no matter how much she hurts me or who she is with, if she is happy then I can survive.