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advce.covering cuts
so latley i’ve been really sad.I have missed a lot of school becuase of health prpblems and now even though im feeling better im so far behind on shcoolwork im having to be taught at home until i catch up.I live in the countryside so the only time i get to see my friends is at school so i feel lonely.I have little self confidence and i feel under severe pressure to catch up quikly and i dont think i can do it.Eventually the school want to send transportation to take me to school for only the afternoons but im all for going to school fully and catching up in spare time,i dont want people to think im wierd because the majoraty of people who get help and transportaion are mentally disabled people,which again knocks my self confidence.
over the last 4 months or so me and my twin(she is in the same situation) went through this phase of dying our hair almost weekly and chopping it off.I look back now and i don’t understand what i was trying to achieve.Ater dying it and chopping i bleached it and it started to fall out so now it’s real short.becuase im on steroids for my asthma i have some stretch marks on my inner arms and thighs so i worry that when im older no-one will accept me and i’ll be alone.
because of my asthma problems my family have had to give up our animals and thats hard for us as we love animals and i feel that has caused them to resent me slightly.
thats just some background but theres more.
I have cut myself at least 5 times this year and i done the worst i’ve ever done a week ago,one of my arms is covered in cuts and its read and there are some scabs.my aim was to kill myslef but im an idiot and didn’t realize the razor wasn’t sharp enogh to do it,when i realized it wasn’t gonna kill me i got angry and started cutting all over my arms so as u can imagine there a bit of a mess.
So the problem is that in a few days i have a hospital appointment where they will likely take bloods and my pulse so im screwed because im not sure how im sopposed t cover them.if my parents find out they’ll just be angry at me and i know they won’t understand.
i’m not gonna cut again as it only has made my problems worse and added to the stress.
although that’s what i told myself the other times aswell.
i dont know what anyone will make of this im not even sure what i need help in.everything really.
thanks
all i want is too be normal and to attend school see my friends and have a life.
This open post was written 11 months, 2 weeks ago | V/U/S: 288, 5, 6 | Edit Post | Leave a reply | Report Post
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