I’ve been through a lot shouldn’t be an excuse for anyone. I’ve been through a lot but I’m still an adult and take responsibility for anything I do… Without putting it off on my past.
Because when its you if feels like a lot. Most people dont know how to deal with whatever it is so it feels overwhelming and therefore a lot.
as far as im concerned if you have a computer and are able to go on the internet to this site. You dont have it all that bad. I mean………look at kids in africa or a third world country who have nothing. We need to look at the things we have and the good things in our lives. Sure some things suck but were all dealt ****** hands at times, you just have to find your own best way of dealing with them.
People’s problems and suffering are proportional and relative to the life they live. Those teenagers may have indeed endured a lot compared to other teens.
There’s always someone worse off than you. Sure we could say “these teens don’t know what it’s like to be through a lot, but we do”, but we are here typing on this site aren’t we? Well there’s a lot of people in the world not typing on this site, because they aren’t fortunate enough to have internet access.
And people who can’t even afford a computer or a home, let alone internet. And people who are starving to death. Bottom line is, like I said, there’s always gonna be people worse off than you. Just cause these teens are younger doesn’t mean their problems aren’t important or that they haven’t been through a lot, just like people starving without food let alone internet in Africa doesn’t make our problems meaningless either.
Everyone has problems. Our goal on this site is to help whoever it is that comes here with a problem, regardless of whether or not they think they’ve been through a lot or actually have been through a lot, and regardless of how old they are or what their problems are :)
Matt… wrote:
People’s problems and suffering are proportional and relative to the life they live. Those teenagers may have indeed endured a lot compared to other teens.
There’s always someone worse off than you. Sure we could say “these teens don’t know what it’s like to be through a lot, but we do”, but we are here typing on this site aren’t we? Well there’s a lot of people in the world not typing on this site, because they aren’t fortunate enough to have internet access.
And people who can’t even afford a computer or a home, let alone internet. And people who are starving to death. Bottom line is, like I said, there’s always gonna be people worse off than you. Just cause these teens are younger doesn’t mean their problems aren’t important or that they haven’t been through a lot, just like people starving without food let alone internet in Africa doesn’t make our problems meaningless either.
Everyone has problems. Our goal on this site is to help whoever it is that comes here with a problem, regardless of whether or not they think they’ve been through a lot or actually have been through a lot, and regardless of how old they are or what their problems are :)
All the problems in the world are still not an excuse to **** up. That’s what the OP is saying. Teenagers who are out there ******* up, blame it on the fact that they’ve “been through a lot”. That’s not an excuse.
Smiles, you are correct. :)
People are constantly dealing with different obstacles and the way they ‘deal’ with them could be completely opposite than someone else.
For example - if my father died, I would be completely devistated ..where as if someone who didn’t particually like their father probably wouldn’t be as sad.
For me, I have been through some difficult times, but I don’t think it’s crap compared to what some others have had to go through. However, the pain I felt/feel *could* have been just as bad as theirs. But ultimately, no, it is not an excuse.
Sorry if I rambled on. :/
Dr. Cuddy wrote:
All the problems in the world are still not an excuse to **** up. That’s what the OP is saying. Teenagers who are out there ******* up, blame it on the fact that they’ve “been through a lot”. That’s not an excuse.
People often make mistakes under pressure; that’s human.
I hardly think it’s fair to say that people should be perfect despite enduring many problems.
Matt… wrote:
Dr. Cuddy wrote:
All the problems in the world are still not an excuse to **** up. That’s what the OP is saying. Teenagers who are out there ******* up, blame it on the fact that they’ve “been through a lot”. That’s not an excuse.
People often make mistakes under pressure; that’s human.
I hardly think it’s fair to say that people should be perfect despite enduring many problems.
I’m not saying people should be perfect. I’m saying people should man up and take responsibility for their actions.
^ BTW, just wanted to add ..(with my totally long and unneeded reply above)
When something dramatic happens to someone, it can effect the rest of their life.
Dr. Cuddy wrote:
I’m not saying people should be perfect. I’m saying people should man up and take responsibility for their actions.
I don’t think it’s avoiding responsibility. If they’re coming forward about a problem trying to get help that shows right there that they are taking responsibility.
But they are trying to explain background.
For example, lets say you had a teen who had alcoholic parents, were abused when they were a child, and get bullied in school, and then due to that pressure and stress they decided to tried drugs and got addicted.
Then coming forward and saying “I got addicted to drugs, I’ve gone through so much misery in my life” isn’t avoiding responsibility. If anything, admitting you have a problem is the first step in solving it. They are simply saying why they couldn’t help themselves, why they just made a stupid mistake.
♥ tiffany! wrote:
^ BTW, just wanted to add ..(with my totally long and unneeded reply above)When something dramatic happens to someone, it can effect the rest of their life.
That’s true but people can control how they react to things. You care about your dad and if he passed, you’d be traumatized. But would you then start bugging out and become a street kid and blame it on your dad dying? Or would you try to be the best person you could be despite? The people that the OP is talking about would use the dad dying as an excuse for why they behave the way they do.
Matt… wrote:
Dr. Cuddy wrote:
I’m not saying people should be perfect. I’m saying people should man up and take responsibility for their actions.
I don’t think it’s avoiding responsibility. If they’re coming forward about a problem trying to get help that shows right there that they are taking responsibility.But they are trying to explain background.For example, lets say you had a teen who had alcoholic parents, were abused when they were a child, and get bullied in school, and then due to that pressure and stress they decided to tried drugs and got addicted.Then coming forward and saying “I got addicted to drugs, I’ve gone through so much misery in my life” isn’t avoiding responsibility. If anything, admitting you have a problem is the first step in solving it. They are simply saying why they couldn’t help themselves, why they just made a stupid mistake.
Actually yeah, it *IS* avoiding responsibility for their actions because there are people who endure abuse, and despite that, make the right choices in life. Whatever happens in your past is not an excuse for your behavior. My mom died when I was 11. So I guess if I became a drug dealing thug that’d be fine because I had no parents right? Nope.
No, no. :) I get what you are saying.
I agree with you both, I just wanted to throw my opinion in there as well.
For some things like:
“Oh, my dad passed away so I quit my job for awhile until I was stable enough to get a new one” ..I think, isn’t a lame excuse ..or any excuse for that matter.
But if it was something like “My dad passed away so I started using drugs, and now I’m in debt $860″ is just a pathetic “excuse” to try and blame their problems on the fact that their father died.
Hopefully that makes sense? :/
Dr. Cuddy wrote:
Actually yeah, it *IS* avoiding responsibility for their actions because there are people who endure abuse, and despite that, make the right choices in life. Whatever happens in your past is not an excuse for your behavior. My mom died when I was 11. So I guess if I became a drug dealing thug that’d be fine because I had no parents right? Nope.
No one is saying it’s fine.
And you’re going back on what you said earlier. You told me before that you weren’t saying people should be perfect, yet that is what you are implying now. That people should still make 100% correct choices after traumatizing life events. That’s perfection. No one is like that.
Some people make mostly correct choices. But everyone makes mistakes, and some people make worse mistakes than others.
You are confusing the morality of the mistake with the act of taking responsibility for the mistake. Admitting you did something wrong because you weren’t thinking clearly after bad events is not admitting that what you did was OK.
@Tiffany
Thank you, that’s exactly what I’m saying. The OP is talking about people who put the blame for their actions on bad situations in their lives.
There’s a difference between going to treatment and saying, “I have been through a lot in my life and am addicted to drugs” and saying, “I’m addicted to drugs BECAUSE I’ve been through a lot in my life.”
Matt… wrote:
Dr. Cuddy wrote:
Actually yeah, it *IS* avoiding responsibility for their actions because there are people who endure abuse, and despite that, make the right choices in life. Whatever happens in your past is not an excuse for your behavior. My mom died when I was 11. So I guess if I became a drug dealing thug that’d be fine because I had no parents right? Nope.
No one is saying it’s fine.And you’re going back on what you said earlier. You told me before that you weren’t saying people should be perfect, yet that is what you are implying now. That people should still make 100% correct choices after traumatizing life events. That’s perfection. No one is like that.Some people make mostly correct choices. But everyone makes mistakes, and some people make worse mistakes than others.You are confusing the morality of the mistake with the act of taking responsibility for the mistake. Admitting you did something wrong because you weren’t thinking clearly after bad events is not admitting that what you did was OK.
You’re STILL glossing over the point. The point is not about making choices. I only brought that up to show that having a bad past is not an EXCUSE for making wrong choices. The people who make bad choices and own up to it are fine. Everyone makes mistakes. So do I. Some people want to blame their mistakes on their past. The difference is whether or not you take responsibility for it.
Dr. Cuddy wrote:
You’re STILL glossing over the point. The point is not about making choices. I only brought that up to show that having a bad past is not an EXCUSE for making wrong choices. The people who make bad choices and own up to it are fine. Everyone makes mistakes. So do I. Some people want to blame their mistakes on their past. The difference is whether or not you take responsibility for it.
I’m not glossing over any point, I was responding to exactly what you said.
But I think you and the OP are exaggerating what these teenagers mean.
Let’s use your example. You are trying to draw a distinction where none exists. There is no difference between “I have been through a lot in my life and am addicted to drugs” and “I’m addicted to drugs BECAUSE I’ve been through a lot in my life.” This can be demonstrated simply. If for example they said the first sentence to a therapist, the most likely response would be something along the line of “Why/How did you become addicted to drugs?” And of course the subsequent reply would be “I made some bad choices after _____ (insert bad event).” Then they would ask sooner or later if the person regretted the decision. If the second sentence was stated, they would simply ask whether they regretted the decision right away.
If the addiction is due in part to poor decisions made post-event then talking about it using “and” instead of “because” is not going to change the ultimate nature of the addiction.
And the bottom line is, if they are talking about it to a therapist, or to Help.com, or to anyone, then they ARE taking responsibility, because they are admitting the problem and seeking assistance.
Taking responsibility is not about what you say, it is about what you do.
Smiles81
rogerdavidson198
Matt...
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