marriage help: Ok I’m having a really hard time and I’ve never posted anything like this before but I don’t know what else to do. - Help.com

I’m not sure how you would deal with this. Even though you feel regret it’s not your fault. You did what you thought was best at the time and you cant change the past.

Thanks for responding. Even though I know it’s not my fault I just can’t seem to function normally anymore. I hope time helps heal me.

I hope so too. The best thing you can do is to look forward and concentrate on your daughters who need you.

do like me find a shrink and get some good pills you be much happyer

I don’t know much about pills, I’ve never really taken any. Maybe I do need some but I don’t want to feel completely out of touch with reality either. How do they make you feel?

Im so sorry for your loss…Im not sure about your belief system but I believe that if he has passed away he is already around you now, and knows exactly how you feel. And Im sure he wants nothing more than to hold you and hear everything you want to say…so tell him. Get it out however and as often as you want, and know he is hearing you. And also consider that no matter what he loved you, and would never want you to live in torment like this. Neither do your kids, and neither should you. And if your a mother, I know you have it in you to stay strong. Best of success.

I am bi-poler and have PTSD so i am on 3 meds they only take the pain away for a short time then you have to get new ones but they make you happy and take the hurt and unhappy away

bradmaste, thanks so much I think I really needed to hear that. I have been talking to him but thinking I was crazy. I’ve also just been so angry.

Jaybob, thank you too, I may check into them.

Pills in my opinion are not the answer. Pills may take the pain away but you will stay not be at peace with your self and until you are then you will never really be better

What I think is that none of these are your fault. YOu were honest with him and told him the truth. YOu could have lied to him and gotten married….think how unhappy you would have been knowing you didn’t want to get married. Plus your two daughters would have gotten attached to him and then you would break up….you told him the truth and he understood. What happened to him after that was not your fault. He could have gotten into a car accident while married to you. So you “sending him away” did not contribute to his death. Don’t take any pills. They are only quick fix to a problem and when the effect is gone, you would feel the same way. I would suggest for you to get counseling to overcome your pain because obviously you can’t manage it by yourself. You don’t want to end up like him by being so miserable all the time. How would you account for your daughters’ negligence consciously? I know you are a good and honest person. Get help and take care of yourself for you and for your daughters’ sake.

your welcome and if they put you on meds ask for PTSD meds sounds like what you need

Please accept my sincerest condolences on the loss of your very dear friend.

We cannot know the future, and there is a certain randomness to tragic events. And, as we would say legal terms, the proximate cause of your friend’s death was an automobile accident, which could have occurred whether or not you were together. You said that your children needed their mother, and in this you are quite correct. Had you been with your friend, it is possible your children would have also lost you.

You and your friend might have very well gotten married, had he not met with an untimely death. However, you were right in not rushing things. Marriage is not something to be rushed.

You should mourn your friend, and you have a right to be angry that an accident took him . . . but you should not be angry with yourself. You didn’t do anything wrong. You are in no way to blame for what happened.

Be glad for your time together. None of us knows how long we have upon this earth. Hold your children close. But do not be fearful. There is a greater love that embraces us all . . . and we will all become a part of it one day.

Certainly not crazy in my opinion. It would be crazy to keep it all inside.

When Im angry I try and remember that anger is a gift. It teaches me that Im not in control of my own emotions. In fact in that moment my emotions are in control of me. And since I try to be the master of my own feelings and emotions, I also try not to let that anger stand for long. You can learn and grow stronger from this, and through example teach those young girls how to be a strong person. Not allowing it to be something that immobilizes you, and in turn teaches them how to quit. Your gonna be ok, I know it.

What should I do if my friends or family understand how I feel? My ex-bf called me one night before he got into a car accident and died. He called me to work things out. he love me and he will not care about anything else but me. We used to be very happy together. HE missed those happy time and want to get back with me so we can be happy together again. I only tell two of my friends that I talked to my ex-bf a night before his car accident. The accident was three weeks ago…no one know why i am sad. I have so many questions that I want to ask him. I need advise on how to get rid of the pain and questions because I know I won’t get an answers for my questions.

I cannot tell you how much I appreciate all your posts. Chev.jame and bradmaste, I especially thank you for your thoughtful and heartfelt responses. I really feel better just knowing that you cared enough to respond to my post. I have never had to deal with something so tragic as this before so it has been immensly hard. I really appreciate you all.

Sweetnovember, I am so sorry for your loss, please know that I am thinking of you. I don’t know what to tell you as far as dealing with it because I am not able to deal with my own situation right now. Maybe you can find comfort in knowing you are not alone in this.

Thanks lacyandgirl….I really hope you feel better soon because your kids really needs you. This kind of pain can only heal with times and positive thinking.

I’m sorry. That’s rough. I’m sure he knew that you loved him as you know he loves you. I know it’s hard but try and pull it together for your kids sake. Kids are the best reason to keep going.

I think there is a lot of good advice and guidance here. I think Brad’s right, I think he knew then and knows now that you loved and always will have love for him. As for what you are feeling right now, not being able to function/unable to get out of bed, it is something that takes time and that’s all that can heal you. However, if the situation is resulting in a a physically manifesting depression. You definitely should go see your doctor. Tell him or her what is going on and they may prescribe something that will help you manage the depression so that you can start to work through the grief. I’m terribly sorry for your loss.

Pray to him… even if you’re not religious. Just get down on your knees and tell him exactly what you wanted him to know. He knows you loved him and he knows what you wanted to tell him. But I really think if you actually tell him, if you actually talk to him as if he could hear you, he’ll let you feel that he knows.

You can get through this, and you can become you again, it wont be easy, quick or painless but you will. Just please talk to him…he’ll be listening