This reply has been removed.
This reply has been removed.
That is a very complex situation. I understand that it might be very difficult for you. I think, since its been 11 years since you’ve been married there is nothing much you can do about it now. May be you should try and talk to your wife about what you feel is lacking in your marriage and she should hopefully understand you.
tell her hoe you feel and i think she would like that more then another 10 years of lets face it a fake marriage.
try to find something that will be good for both of you and jjlove is right she deserves a man that loves her
Absolutely JJ. Grrr. My hair is standing on end here.
I just have to leave this post before I say something totally out of character.
Ahem, ok.
Poster? (Why do they always post anon?)
Your wife deserves so much more than the treatment that you are giving her.
She could go back out into the world and meet someone who would genuinely love her for who she is.
Gahhhh.
Set her free.
Then you’ll be ever so free to go and “dote” on your other woman.
But remember. What comes around goes around. Karma. I hope.
>:-(
Well, I do agree that what you are doing to your wife is definitely not right. But based on my experience in this bad cruel world I would say that its good to see that you still care for her because of which you are hesitating to break this marriage. You should talk to her and first of all let her know what her situation is because no women likes to be kept in the dark about her own life whatever may be the situation. It will be difficult for her but let her choose what she wants. And if you truly care for her support her decision then.
jjlove wrote:
We reap what we sow. …Do your wife a favor and divorce her. She deserves a husband who loves her above all others.
Completely agree!
Love is more important than obligation!
your not doing her any favors by staying with her plus u say u have been a good husband but clearly u haven’t you have deceived her in the worse way she has been living a lye for the past eleven years i say get some b***’s be a man and tell her
Anonymous
#
12 months ago (12 hours, 33 minutes after post)
wow i feel sorry for the situastion and for you but your marriage was built on lies doesn’t mean it should keep going on lies or end on lies you have to open up and not one fight hmm i never thought that was possible you have to have dissagreements on something and maybe she is reserved because she feels you dont love her like she does you and just doesn’t let it on also because of that fear of disconnection she tries to please you so that you wont leave although you already have just not physically. talk to her.. do you all have kids within this marriage that makes things more jumbled. also this other woman although she is going steady with someone else does she still feel for you as you do her you both being occupied and all (yes yours is more harder to get out of) i dont like divorce but it would be as cruel as what your doing now and then divorcing give her the light its the least you can do since your heart is not with hers ( sounds like no where near hers) situation is sticky but you’ve got to do what is best for BOTH of you (both+ you and your wife) best wishes
I have a similar situation. I married on the rebound and after 5 years of marriage, the ‘one who got away’ finally came around. All the feelings were still there, feelings I never had for my husband. So for a year, I carried the torch for this other guy and although I never physically cheated on my husband, I was cheating emotionally. I decided it wasnt fair to either of us and filed for divorce. That was a year ago. My now ex-husband is a wreck and the other guy lost interest once I became ‘available’. So now Im alone, and the grass is not greener. I dont know if I made the right choice, seems like I caused a lot of pain for myself and my family. I not comfortable giving you advice, just wanted to share my own experience.
Eeek this sounds terrible…. personally being a woman if it were me I’d be very hurt initially but I would be glad I wasn’t living a lie anymore after a while. I vote tell her and set her free so she can enjoy a physical and truthfully loving relationship with someone who has genuine feelings for her. It won’t be easy but ….. at the moment you are lying to her with your heart and it isn’t fair.
I know I haven’t been in the same situation myself…but I wouldn’t want to be lied to or if I had I’d want to know the truth. Mind you if my husband didn’t give me lots of physical love and was distant and moody I would have ran away long ago… as I’ve been through that sort of crap before and am not so naive to know that isn’t love… please set your wife free.. you are not married to her emotionally and the longer you leave it the more unhappy you both are… don’t feel you are dutifully bound. Also how do you know she isn’t hurting too but chooses not to talk to you….. silence isn’t always golden… honesty is always the best policy in my books!!! I’m sorry you both went through this but it’s up to you to resolve it now.
shinemynickel wrote:
I have a similar situation. I married on the rebound and after 5 years of marriage, the ‘one who got away’ finally came around. All the feelings were still there, feelings I never had for my husband. So for a year, I carried the torch for this other guy and although I never physically cheated on my husband, I was cheating emotionally. I decided it wasnt fair to either of us and filed for divorce. That was a year ago. My now ex-husband is a wreck and the other guy lost interest once I became ‘available’. So now Im alone, and the grass is not greener. I dont know if I made the right choice, seems like I caused a lot of pain for myself and my family. I not comfortable giving you advice, just wanted to share my own experience.
It wasn’t fair… you did the right thing… your ex husband will recover over time… I was dating someone who was divorcing his ex wife because she went with another man… he was an emotional wreck for ages and sometimes took the blame out on me and compared me to her…. naturally this drove me bananas and I was sick of the lack of respect so dumped him. He confessed ages after that he was in love with me and should have got over her long ago…. he is now dating other women and doesn’t speak to me only to say hi to in the street… but it proves life goes on!!
There is the other side of the coin of course that what she doesn’t know won’t hurt… but what if she is hurting and you don’t know it … if you found out she was it would hurt you and guilt you into staying with her longer. I think you ought to be honest with her… final answer.
Anonymous
#
12 months ago (1 day, 10 hours after post)
Ok, thats a big one, make sure all these things you have said are real and not fabricated. Remember we all fall in love, possibly many times. I think there’s a good chance you once loved your wife too. Now that emotion may have evaporated, but I’m confident if it has, that faith can be restored. The whole ideal of a “sole mate” is the creation of an idealistic self serving society that needs a reason to justify it vanity and greed. Be happy with what you have as it is quite possibly the most you’ll ever get. I understand, maybe your going through hard times, but don’t let them destroy all you have. Don’t go around saying that you just had a revelation that you wasted 11 years. You before the revelation, however you try to deny it, was content, you after this discovery is a blasphemy to yourself and loved ones. Don’t let a broken heart take away all you have.
This reply has been removed.
I acknowledge the fact that love can be controlled (by the individual who is in love), at least to a certain degree. Therefore, I recommend that in your mind you continually reject the other person who you were in love with secretly. Since you have made a “lifelong” commitment to your wife, please stick with it despite various obstacles a couple nowadays may face throughout their life. Remember that divorce is not a viable option, it will only bring devastation beyond what you may currently be experiencing to both you and your spouse! I know that it is possible to learn to love another individual, even if at the moment, you do not have any true inner feelings for her. I had to watch someone I had secretly loved get married a few years ago to another individual which broke my heart to the point, where I did not want to live. I do not wish to expose my feelings I had for the person because I know nobody would truly understand. In any case, once I found out about that person’s decision for marriage, I had made a commitment to myself to forcefully deny and constantly reject my love toward that individual. Even if you are madly in love with a person to the point where you feel you are willing to give up your life and everything you have (even when you have quite a bit of money, talents, respect, etc.) for him/her, the love can dissipate over a “relatively” short time period if you constantly and on a daily basis force your mind stating that you do not love him/her and control your mind to prevent any thoughts of that person. I know the power of this because this is a tactic I came up with that worked more than once, at least for me.
Try to love your wife, try to think about her daily and as much as possible. Look at all the good things she has done for you (be very optimistic) and that despite your hidden love toward another, she stayed with you and didn’t argue and fight with you – it just shows she truly cared for you. Please attempt to do at least the same thing. Just try thinking about your wife as much as possible and only look at the positive characteristics, if you really try hard and learn how to do it right, I know you can learn to love her how you really should! One thing that I have observed in today’s modern world is how married couples and families are crumbling and falling apart like never before. There are numerous clear signs that indicate the end of time. Some are losing faith in churches, natural disasters and climate changes are increasing at a drastic rate, corruption and signs of global economical unification are seen being fulfilled, advances in technology including nanotechnology, and countless other signs. Everyone who reads this, please try not to disregard this but spend some time researching this matter and acknowledge the fact that Biblical prophecy is being fulfilled. Please remember that there is One who has always loved you more than you or any other person is capable of loving – His name is Jesus Christ, He had come into this corrupt world to die for your sins and upon Himself, take all of your punishment!
This account has been deactivated.
Be a man, and divorce your wife. Just wake up one morning, turn to her and tell her you don’t love her anymore. When she asks why, tell her you don’t need a reason. This will hurt both of you, but the hurt you’ll save her by not admitting you never loved her, will be tremendous. Be as cold and concise as you possibly can, without showing emotion. It will hurt, trust me, but you’ll both break out of the relationship as cleanly as you can in a relationship.
From there start learning how to gain and use willpower- You’re obviously lacking a ego so create one, then live the life you wanted before you started pitying yourself for marrying a good woman you convinced you loved. I’m sorry for being so blunt, but wake up seriously.
Anonymous
#
11 months, 3 weeks ago (1 week, 6 days after post)
to be honest, it isnt fair on your wife to be with her even though you dont love her, or is it fair on you. if you dont have children then i suggest that you break up and live in different places.
then see whether your better off on your own.
Gossip Girl here,
I’ve read some of the posts above, & i kinda disagree wiv all those who advised u 2 divorce ur wife.
I’m sorry but i fink that’s not the best thing for HER. You said she was madly in love wiv u, well 2 all those people who said ‘Do her a favour & divorce her’ - well technically u wouldn’t be doing her a favour at all. Divorcing her would just cause her heartbreak.
Seriously, if ur wife loves you so much as u say it would crush her to find out u want to divorce her. She’d basically be a wreck like u. But this depends if ur love 4 this ‘younger woman’ is greater than ur 11-year relationship.
I gotta congratulate u on that, that’s quite a long-term relationship, & it’s somthin 2 be proud of in my opinion. Many couples ’round this time believe their love is lost or has ‘fizzled out’, but i don’t believe in that.
After being wiv a person that long, it’s kinda inevitable 2 no longer feel the usual love symptoms e.g. increasing heart beat, stuttering, butterflies in da stomach. You seem like you n ur wife get along, wot sum people call ‘in sync’ - it takes a long time to develop somethin as special as that.
Isn’t that enough? This ‘younger woman’ seems happy in her ’steady relationship’, is she even emotionally suffering the same as u? If u no she ain’t gonna be wiv u in the future, is it relly worth breaking ur current 11 year old relationship - that’s a lot 2 giv up 4. U should fink hard b4 making this decision.
Once again, it depends on the kinda person u r. R u 1 to go 4 logic? Logic says to stick to ur wife, she’s been wiv u for 11 years, & it looks like she’s ready 2 stick wiv u 4 another decade or so.
Or r u 1 to follow da heart? Once again, do u feel relly that strongly towards the other woman?
Or mayb it’s neither the above, but ur just feeling guilty that u have feelings for another woman…rite? Coz if that’s the case, u could divorce ur wife in order 2 giv ur conscience some peace of mind… but u’d have 2 deal a broken hearted ex-wife, & at the end of the day ur left wiv no 1 by ur side.
In my opinion, wouldn’t the safest option be: to hope ur feelings will fade, or if it doesn’t (& believe me iv heard plenty of unrequited love, can’t help who u fall in luv wiv) u might simply have 2 live wiv it.
What might help you is to set ur goals str8. Think realistically, in the future, it’s ur wife that’s going to be there 4 u, she loves u - even though u dnt luv her, u’ll be making at least 1 person happy. Sometimes sacrifices has 2 be made.
I know that seems unfair, but hu sed life was?
Good Luck.
Gossip_Girl
XOXO
Talk to a marriage councellor.
pretend and tell her that youve simply fallen out of love with her over the past year and you want to get that back and then go to couple counselling or something to “re discover” each other. if that all fails then separate for a bit xx
-deadinthehead- wrote:
Talk to a marriage councellor.
Think it’s gone a bit far for that. Anyhow the anon poster has not returned therefore I assume he’s gone about his daily life deceiving the woman who loves him. However he should come back talk about it, realise what he feels and be honest with this woman who is wasting her years deluded believing something which is a complete lie!!
Why do we always seem to think that the “grass is greener on the other side”. I understand what you r feeling however, i dont think you should let her know about your feeling especially in a negative light. Trust me when i tell you that you wouldnt want a woman that quarrels with you. conside yourself fortunate. There is a saying that goes “it’s not who you love it’s who loves you. Dont throw away 11 years becuz of your feelings. “feelings” sometimes dictates wrongfully, and most of the time it is to our detriment. think it through, its not right, you can work it out if you want, her being the “perfect wife” is enough for you to fall in love with her. do it for her becuz she deserves nothing less. I have learnt that love is a two way thing. you dont have love for her, but how do you know, sometimes we miscommunicate love with some little butterfly in the stomach. we confuse it to something fresh and new - its not the same feeling. Love for 11 years is not the same as meeting someone and going head over heels for them. that’s lust not love.
I know what you want, just some spice in your life and dont try to change this woman, my hubby would do anyting to get a woman that doesnt argue, cuz he is just like your wife. but continue doing what you r doing - even if it means doing it for her. sometimes we have to die to our own desire and needs to make someone else happy and that would be true love which i honestly think you have for her. you wouldnt have stayed for 11 years.
work it out and re-ignite the fire in the relationship
This account has been deactivated.
hi my name is sue. 3 months ago my husband of 18 months told me he didnt love me any more. and since then he has returned to our home every other week end to collect his son from his ex wife. during these visits i stay away. he is a coward and cant face me. but you my friend were not put on this earth to be unhappy. one day your wife will find love again, as will you . im hopeing to pull my self back from the shock i recieved, and meet a new love. write back if your lonely.
Your a self centred ego tistical fool just like my husband.SHAME ON YOU.
i hope you never meant that comment for me, as im not the wrong doer
Anonymous
#
4 months, 3 weeks ago (7 months, 1 week after post)
i think your feelings for teh other woman are probably so strong because you can’t have her. get some help.
Post a reply Hi Sue sorry the (ego comment) was not directed at you.It was for that horrible bloke earier on in the listing.The one on the ego trip.Sharon
u should take it to the Lord in pray ask him for forgiveness then go to your wife tell her about the situation tell what u did wrong ask her to forgive you and accept full responsibility for your action tell what ever she replies no argues accept it treat her with respect what the outcome may be and remember to pray pray pray
This account has been deactivated.
Anonymous
#
4 months ago (7 months, 4 weeks after post)
really..
you.. i dont know how to say this. but you must have some affection for your wife
or you wouldnt have been able to be with her for so long.
rememeber this is the women that has stuck with you no matter what.
maybe you think that you dont love her because you have taken her for granted these many years? becuase shes always there for you?
i’m not sure. right now you probably dont want to accept anything that anyone says, but if you spoil this relationship, will you really be able to cope with another one?
xx
This is the most cruel thing! Life should be based on honesty and the devastation this type of lie causes…it’s very hard to repair. You aren’t being kind to this woman. You owe her the truth in the utmost gentle way possible, but you better be certain of the truth in your own heart because this will surely be painful.
This account has been deactivated.
WOW imagine if this was your wife saying this to me,imagine that
the grass is always greener on the other side
because the caretaker and nurtures it well
dont take anything for granted
what the lord put together let no man seperate
your wife is your wife
stop thinking about what you dont have and be thankful yes very for the things you do
do the right thing and honour your vowels
it seems your hoping to free yourself but it is your wife who has been imprisoned by your deciet ,wake up and free her soul from your self gratitude desire
the more you give out the more you will find you get back
your grass will grow green if you maintain and respect your property
bluemoon
tash_101
~~EdieAnne~~
Anonymous
*Dougie*
stuck
Crisabell
shinemynickel
MaVieEnJaun
Gossip_Girl
-deadinthehead-
mooseyymoo
qadhash_flower
namaste_buddh
AKITHMA