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Maybe just by having to write out my problem it will help give me clarity, otherwise Help!
OK, so I’m in college and I changed universities this year and live in student apartments, mostly around a bunch of guys. All my friends are guys, but there is one in particular that caught my eye, and I’ve kinda grown a crush on. I had been really casual about it though, until we started drinking a lot together (with friends). I had a hard time holding back my attraction until one time i decided to “accidently” brush my hand across his *** and see what happened. When he didn’t react badly and seemed to not notice, I became emboldened and started “accidently” brushing up against him a lot. This is how it went on for months, and I got so risky when I was drunk that there were a few brushes he had to have known were on purpose and yet he still didn’t say anything. I thought it was exciting. He wasn’t avoiding me or anything so I assumed he wasn’t upset by it, so all that was left was this secret we shared, that no one knew about. A lusty secret. That really excited me.
So this was how things were for a long while, until last week, when me, him, and our friends all got drunk again. It was a really fun night, and we were doing our usual dance, when things changed! I playfully swiped my finger across that skin showing above his ***, and he reciprocated by rubbing my leg! This surprised me, because honestly even though I was attracted to him, I hadn’t planned for it to go anywhere, however, I quickly rebounded, and let his return touch bolster my confidence. Then he put himself into a position so that if i were to touch him my hand would be close to his groin. Things sped up from there and soon we were making out and fooling around. Every time we heard someone start to come we would break apart and act normal until they left when we would start again. I left for my apartment a little while later, we did not copulate, though I know he was turned on.
Now I guess at first I was really happy because I was attracted to this guy and becoming intimate with him was hot. I also assumed that if it casually happened once, that there shouldn’t be anything getting in the way of it casually happening again. But the next night, we drank again and things took another surprise turn. He actually stayed sober and told me when I tried to pull him over to talk that it just wasn’t going to work and rejected all my advances. The next day, I sought him out to apologize and ended up asking him if he had a hard time saying no to people, especially girls. I was thinking that basically he had just gone along with the flirting from me and then that night because he didn’t want to be the one to say no and disappoint. He said that was basically what happened. I told him sorry to put him in that situation and that he didn’t have to worry I wasn’t planning to drink around him for a while so I didn’t do something stupid again. He said we were cool and not to worry about it.
Catching up more to present now…. now I don’t know how to feel. Of course I’m feeling pretty lousy finding out that a guy I fooled around with just did it to be nice. Except I also have a question: why did he move things to the next level that one night if he didn’t want too? Even though I had been the one coming on to him till that point, he was definitely the instigator of things going further. Around him I get all messed up. He’s been acting absolutely normal around me though I can’t tell if maybe he’s avoiding me, because I would kind of expect him to. I feel embarrassed and rejected but at the same time, I can’t tell if there is something still here I can salvage. Are things too messed up for me to let us just be normal friends again? Also now that he’s said no it also means no more secret flirting which is a huge disappointment to me. It was kinda like an exciting game. Should I stay away from him to save my pride? Also, one more thing, the night after I said I was going to dumb down the drinking around him he asked if I would be drinking that night. At first I thought he was just doing it for appearances sake cause we were still “friends” but then he inquired why not a few more times through out the night and offered up his alcohol for me to drink. What’s up with that? Also up until that night, when it was still just one-sided flirting, I know he enjoyed my company and was comfortable around me. What happened?! What should I take from all this? I have to go another half a year maybe even another year after that being around this guy, and I don’t know how to act. My head keeps changing its mind on how to read into all of it.
If you think I just read to much into things, let me know, I haven’t been able to get this situation off my mind in 5 days.
So more little short additions:
I’m positive he doesn’t have a girlfriend or even a crush right now.
When I say I feel embarrassed I mean I’m feeling a little like I’ve been called ugly.
I have self-confidence issues about my appearance(who doesn’t) but I do get this general feeling that maybe I’m just out of his league. I would rank myself at least equal to or better than a lot of the girls I’ve seen him flirt with, but I don’t also am not in the same social groups as them.
This open post was written 11 months, 3 weeks ago | V/U/S: 78, 1, 1 | Edit Post | Leave a reply | Report Post
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