Love help: What becomes of the brokenhearted?

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What becomes of the brokenhearted?

It annoys me when a guy who has been a close friend for 5 years starts liking you and tells you he wants to try it out in a relationship. You didn’t even really have feelings like that for him but you decided to try it out because you had nothing to lose. He was a great guy and a great friend and he would probably be a great boyfriend. Well, it turned out that he WAS a great boyfriend, so you start liking him, of course. You guys date for about 4 months and then he breaks it off, stating that he just sees you as a friend, and that the relationship isn’t what he expected. UHHH WHAT? What were you expecting?? And just friends??! It took you FOUR months to realize that?! WOW. So while he’s over here thinking that we’re better off as friends, I’m having the greatest time of my life with him and I can’t imagine being with anyone else. OH and the best thing is when the guy says that he wants to be your best friend because in your time together he realizes that you’re the person he trusts the most. It’s even better when he tells you that you’re the best girlfriend he’s ever had and that in reality, it’s not you with the problem, it’s him. He screwed up because he doesn’t know what he wants but the last thing he wants you to think is that something is wrong with you because you gave him everything he ever wanted. Does that make sense to you? Didn’t think so… so WHY does this happen? I understand the whole “let’s take a chance” thing, but what happens when one person jumps with their entire heart and the other person is barely tip-toeing in???

This open post was written 11 months, 4 weeks ago | V/U/S: 60, 14, 6 | Edit Post | Leave a reply | Report Post

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CosmicDebris 12 #
An Unknown Location | 11 months, 4 weeks ago (1 minute after post)

SO what’s your question.

tjwoods 26 #
An Unknown Location | 11 months, 4 weeks ago (12 minutes after post)

He sounds immature and afraid of commitment. Feel free to ask him about his fears regarding rfelationships and committment, but don’t expect him to change his mind as long as he is uncertain about himself. He needs time to grow up, and you should not wait around if he is not ready.

~bee~ 0 #
An Unknown Location | 11 months, 4 weeks ago (44 minutes after post)

Not so much as a question…more of a rant. I’d like some kind words or some advice please.

~bee~ 0 #
An Unknown Location | 11 months, 4 weeks ago (47 minutes after post)

By the way, the post was written by me…
TJ, I think you’re right…but for a long time, I was afraid of commitment too. it wasn’t until I started going out with him that I realized that i was capable of loving someone. Even after he gave me all the b.s. that i described in the post, I still wanted to be with him because i was willing to work stuff out. he told me there was nothing i could do to fix it. the feelings just weren’t there…

chunkymove 4 #
An Unknown Location | 11 months, 4 weeks ago (53 minutes after post)

“what happens when one person jumps with their entire heart and the other person is barely tip-toeing in”

the person who goes in boots and all gets hurt, but grows much more and gets far far more out of life in the long run.

The person who is timid protects their heart, and is safe. Safe and closed and in no better position than before.

You have the guts, the pain, and the life to look forward too.

“I know it’s hard to keep an open heart
When even friends seem out to harm you
But if you could heal a broken heart
Wouldn’t time be out to charm you”

[youtube:http://au.youtube.com/watch?v=siBoLc9vxac]

(1)

Help me with: Romance is not the solution.

chunkymove 4 #
An Unknown Location | 11 months, 4 weeks ago (54 minutes after post)

Original on YouTube.com

Help me with: Romance is not the solution.

Barbyman 5 #
An Unknown Location | 11 months, 4 weeks ago (55 minutes after post)

well there you are he is straight forward saying it will not work out.What more do you want from him?I find this honest .Now you know he is not the one.Concentrate on the one you haven’t found yet…

(1)

Help me with: Wife deleted , “not me ” Office and some thing else with it .Now i can’t delete or set up a fresh program

tjwoods 26 #
An Unknown Location | 11 months, 4 weeks ago (1 hour, 3 minutes after post)

Well, I don’t know this guy but a lot of people sabotage relationships when they start to become intimate, because it scares them in some way. The fear involved is different from the fear that keeps people from beginning relationships.

I think that the best thing is to give him some space and time. It really hurts when someone we have opened up to pulls away, but I think that trying to hold tight to him would only scare him more. Try to be forgiving, because I think he is just struggling to figure out what is going on with himself — boys really do mature later than girls when it comes to relationships. He may change his mind once he has time to process what he is feeling and thinking, but either way I think you will both be happier in the long run if you give him the space he is asking for right now.

~bee~ 0 #
An Unknown Location | 11 months, 4 weeks ago (1 hour, 15 minutes after post)

Thank you for your words…I’m pretty sure that once I reread them a few weeks from now, I will be able to incorporate them into my life, but I just feel really lost and empty right now. Not only did I lose my boyfriend but I lost a good friend of 5 years. I don’t think things will be able to go back to normal after this. He wants to be friends right away and is making more effort now that he did when we were together. But I can’t just do that..I can’t just go right back to being friends when I know that there used to be a “more than friends” part. Is this why they say you should never date your friends?

Anonymous edited this post 11 months, 4 weeks ago. Read the previous text »

What becomes of the brokenhearted? It annoys me when a guy who has been a close friend for 5 years starts liking you and tells you he wants to try it out in a relationship. You didn’t even really have feelings like that for him but you decided to try it out because you had nothing to lose. He was a great guy and a great friend and he would probably be a great boyfriend. Well, it turned out that he WAS a great boyfriend, so you start liking him, of course. You guys date for about 4 months and then he breaks it off, stating that he just sees you as a friend, and that the relationship isn’t what he expected. UHHH WHAT? What were you expecting?? And just friends??! It took you FOUR months to realize that?! WOW. So while he’s over here thinking that we’re better off as friends, I’m having the greatest time of my life with him and I can’t imagine being with anyone else. OH and the best thing is when the guy says that he wants to be your best friend because in your time together he realizes that you’re the person he trusts the most. It’s even better when he tells you that you’re the best girlfriend he’s ever had and that in reality, it’s not you with the problem, it’s him. He screwed up because he doesn’t know what he wants but the last thing he wants you to think is that something is wrong with you because you gave him everything he ever wanted. Does that make sense to you? Didn’t think so… so WHY does this happen? I understand the whole “let’s take a chance” thing, but what happens when one person jumps with their entire heart and the other person is barely tip-toeing in???

chunkymove 4 #
An Unknown Location | 11 months, 4 weeks ago (1 hour, 31 minutes after post)

yep, that’s why I only date people I don’t like…

You had to try it right, had to find out? Well, you tried it and it did work out. Now you know. Life isn’t all boring, perfect, allways improving, nice and fair. Sometimes it hurts more than you can handle - thats when you find out your true friends and who you are, thats when you grow.

That wont make any sense right now, but it may later. Right now it about crying the shower, talking yourself out of flings, filling your life with healthy distractions while your heart tries to break out of your chest.

Help me with: Romance is not the solution.

tjwoods 26 #
An Unknown Location | 11 months, 4 weeks ago (1 hour, 57 minutes after post)

“Being friends” after a relationship should mean being on friendly terms, but going back to the way things were is really not realistic. I am friends with some former girlfriends, but only after not seeing them for several years.

FullyCanvasse #
An Unknown Location | 9 months, 2 weeks ago (2 months, 1 week after post)

tjwoods wrote:
He sounds immature and afraid of commitment. Feel free to ask him about his fears regarding rfelationships and committment, but don’t expect him to change his mind as long as he is uncertain about himself. He needs time to grow up, and you should not wait around if he is not ready.

NO! I get so sick of people saying that men who do not want to commit are immature. Many times it has nothing to do with maturity. I know some very mature men that aren’t married and aren’t committed to anyone. Simply put - men want their freedom. They don’t want to become obligated to someone thats going to spend a lot of time nagging them to shovel snow or visit their podunk hometown with them. So long as a man handles the daily responsibilities of life - provides himself a good living, a good home, good food - and doesn’t harm or burden others he is mature. The desire to have options does make someone immature.

So many women use this whole maturity argument to push their agendas of entitlement. Many men (like me) feel that a lot of women do want to be married to them - they just want to married to someone. They feel that they are entitled to have a husband that will help them have a nice life and a nice family. They expect “real men” to provide for them so that they can go about the business of doing things that they want to do.

Men that aren’t married have the last laugh. We haven’t let someone trick us into ecoming their support system. Sometimes turining the other cheek just isn’t the thing to do.

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