depression help: I am worried that I am not dealing with my dad’s death. - Help.com

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I lost my father 3 years ago too. I know exactly what you mean. I’ve been avoiding dealing with it myself

You are dealing with the death, but in a different way. We all handle things differently. It does seem that you are maybe purposely or subconsciously blocking out the difficult thoughts of him, which a lot of us do (I do it), because they don’t want to acknowledge how real the situation is. Give yourself some time to REALLY think about his death, not just little moments throughout the day, but hardcore hours. Set aside these times for private meditation and reflection, then if you cry you won’t feel embarrassed, or however else you might feel crying in front of people (if you do even care about people watching you).
You can also trying expressing your feelings through art, writing, music, or any form you feel comfortable with. Not everyone cries to get out their emotion. But the fact that you cut yourself shows that you DO have emotion (whether it be sadness, anger, or confusion), but it is securely bottled up, so take time to find good ways for you to express it.

Grief effects everyone differently hon, but grieve you must, its a natural process, Actually seeing your Dad die had to be very traumatic for you, I hope your counselor has been a good one, you could of suffered PTSD (Post traumatic stress disorder)Grief goes in cycles usually, you could still have PTSD or you may now have come to the Acceptance stage where you have accepted that he has gone.If you are on Anti Depressants of some kind then yes they will affect your moods too. I found when I was on them that I couldn’t cry at sad movies or laugh at funny ones, this was something I hated about them.Talk to your counselor and ask her if the meds are effecting you in this way hon.

Believe it or not some People who bought my CD swear by listening to one of my Songs its called Happy Birthday and suddenly calmness comes over them.just go to barbyman.com you can listen to it…

Redeem yourself by living your life the way your dad would be proud of. Remember he is up there praying so that you do not hurt yourself. This is the best gift you can give him. Donate to a charity and pray so that his soul rests in peace.