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bhumika vats
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UNACCEPTED

REPUGNANT
OBNOXIOUS
HYSTERICAL
POIGNANT
LUCID
ETC.
Were the words for me…
Bereft of love I was a merciful creature who appealed to be a sympathy gainer
There wasn’t a hand to hold me
No heart to caress..
No voice to pacify

And so I was , a delicate creature who used to hide behind her parents cubbyhole
Who was very particular about her rapport..
Her strata
And for this I tried not to blemish myself
Never to cross the line between pure and the illegitimate way
But..I don’t know when ..
When it all happened
I just had a strategy that till the time my soul doesn’t say a “no” to something I am right
,equitable,legitimate
and I continued taking the path of my will
I continued being driven by indomitable longings
And the poor soul was a poor judge too
It never said no..
It never stopped me..
.
.
.
.
.

And today

DEBASED
TARNISHED
SPOILT
VILE
VICIOUS
Are the words for me
Once I looked myself in the mirror
And I realized the alterations in me
My style..my thinking..my outlook has totally changed
“A BRAT” is what I am..
But

There are no regrets
I know what I am doing is not good
And therefore I have lost the all the admirations, favor, fondness, glorification,
I don’t like to think about the way I have become..I am just scared to realise the path I chose
I fear to realize
That my honor is lost.
My confidence , my pride has kissed me goodbye
I can’t match my own eyes for there is that guilt in me

Guilt of LOOSING MYSELF

But.. there is still no regret

I know I have crossed that thin line..
And even if I want to go regain my probity
There is no getting back
NO RETURN TO INNOCENCE

And even though I try searching my own self..
The simpler part of me

I find
I AM LOST IN THIS WORLD
Is there a getting back?
.
.
.
.
.
Does holding on to ones morality, integrity, help?
.
.
.
.
I don’t dare to turn the pages of my own life

And I continue following the path of my will?

What should I do?
Am I wicked?
Am I bad?
Should I be looked upon as somebody who is vile, wrong, and reprobate?

Am stuck with my questions..
Is somebody listening me?

BUT IN ALL THE NEGATIVE (PERCEPTION OF THJE PEOPLE AROUND) THINGS i HAVE GAINED
I GAINED A POSITIVE TOO..-THAT ONE SHOULD NOT HIDE WHAT ONE IS..
AND THAT ONE POSITIVE THING MADE ME DRAFT THIS OUT

I NEED A REPLY
ITS MY LIFE
UNDERSTAND..

This open post was written 11 months, 4 weeks ago | V/U/S: 33, 3, 2 | Edit Post | Leave a reply | Report Post


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Since writing this post bhumika vats may have helped people, but has not within the last 4 days. bhumika vats is a verified member, has been around for 1 year, 9 months and has 6 posts and 7 replies to their name.

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Sans offline Verified User (1 year, 10 months) Long Term User Shouts: 57 #
An Undisclosed Location | 11 months, 4 weeks ago (11 minutes after post)

There is no such thing as a return to innocence. But you can forgive yourself and try to do good. Life is a balance. You were at one extreme, trying to be holier-than-thou. You veered to the other side of the road. What you need is not a radical change of direction. That would only land you in a ditch on the other side again. Make small corrections in the course of your life. Try volunteering for something self-less, something that takes the focus off of you for awhile.

All is not lost.

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chunkymove offline Verified User (1 year, 2 months) Long Term User Shouts: 4 #
An Unknown Location | 11 months, 4 weeks ago (12 minutes after post)

hey just4tomm,

It’s great if you don’t have to hide what you are. NOt always possible all the time in the world, but here at help.com, you are welcome as you are.

Not having love makes you walk a tough path.

Your last line is “understand”. I don’t, but might if you type a bit more.

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Richard Cor de Lyon offline Verified User (2 years, 7 months) Long Term User Shouts: 20 #
An Undisclosed Location | 11 months, 4 weeks ago (29 minutes after post)

There is no such thing as problem without a reward in it’s hands. We seek life’s problems, because we want life’s rewards (Richard Bach).

Even our dark side, our Shadow comes bearing gifts if you look deep enough.

Take the microscope you use to look into your past and put it away. Take out the magnifying glass and focus it on NOW.

Bright blessings ~ Richard

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