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I can’t seem to make up my mind.
(Just as a note, I go to a private school that combines middle and high school.)
This whole mess got started back in eighth grade. A year earlier, I had transferred from a very abusive school that left me pretty distorted. I had just begun to recover by the eighth grade.
That was the year two girls transferred to the school. They were most the most beautiful girls I have ever seen (in any sense of the word), and the only girls I had ever fallen for. (I had previously fallen for a different person, but that’s another story.)
Both were rather petite, both had glasses, one had wavy light brown hair, and was a year ahead of me; one had straight, dark brown hair, a year behind me. They both were quiet, loving, and intelligent - just like me… only sane.
I had to make a decision on which one to pursue, I chose the older one after much contemplation. We’ve been together for about four years now.
The one I chose went back to homeschooling, but we managed to work things out.
The other one, of course, I didn’t abandon; I stayed a friend, despite the fact that I never got over my feelings for her. Her mannerisms and physical appearance made her a natural target to the immature delinquents in the school, so I felt obliged to do what I could to defend her when she wasn’t around to do so.
Today, she has made a few friends, and just got into a relationship with a very nice boy, a personal friend of mine (I actually helped him out with telling her, as well.)
I’m very happy, because she is happy.
The only problem is that I still love her, and my girlfriend. I love both of them just as much as I did at first. I’m afraid I might lose my girlfriend, despite the fact that I love her, and show her.
I know neither might be the one, but I don’t want to hurt either of them, and it tears me up not being able to show my feelings to the other girl.
I guess, in a nutshell, I’m lamenting on how monogamy sucks.
Anyone have any ideas on how to untangle this?
This open post was written 11 months, 3 weeks ago | V/U/S: 26, 6, 6 | Edit Post | Leave a reply | Report Post
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