Dr. Wilson changed the tags on this post: they were "men, woman, Love" 11 months, 2 weeks ago.
Dr. Wilson invited 10 users to read this post 11 months, 2 weeks ago.
People hormones make people stupid. To a certain extent, you’ve got a cut them a break, especially since I’m sure you’ve made mistakes in love before. Don’t look down on them, but don’t forget the weakness. Help them with it, instead.
sounds like she has some psychological issues.
It sounds like she is behaving compulsively rather than rationally. It is possible that she has been “conditioned” to this behaviour by factors in her past.
Unresolved issues can lead to this sort of thing.
u6m7 wrote:
sounds like she has some psychological issues.
Could be. I know she worked as a nurse’s assistant and had a pretty bad thing happen while she was working there. Her favorite patient died on her shift, just after she fed him.
Seems the world has just gone crazy in general.
I guess your frustration towards her is that you are fed up with her poor decision making?
Dougie the Pisces wrote:
Seems the world has just gone crazy in general.
I guess your frustration towards her is that you are fed up with her poor decision making?
Not so much that. I can’t put it into words really. To see someone with all this potential with standards that low is the best way I can think of to explain it.
So its more disappointment in the unreached potential of someone you care about.
I guess you could put it that way.
She’s not stupid. Her self-esteem and self-regard are lost in the plumbing, and she relies on men to give it back to her. But no man can, and the only ones who’ll pretend they can are the ones who are out to use her and abuse her.
Its sad when you know someone can be so much more as a person.
Not merely a human being, but a human living!
Anyone else have anything to share? experiences/stories?
One of my best friends went through a ‘****’ phase, because she was looking for love in all the wrong places. She had a string of user boyfriends.
And it took her a year to figure it out.
It was heartbreaking to watch!
Dougie the Pisces wrote:
One of my best friends went through a ‘****’ phase, because she was looking for love in all the wrong places. She had a string of user boyfriends.
And it took her a year to figure it out.
It was heartbreaking to watch!
How is she doing now? approx age
I’ve seen the reverse situation many times.
Lovely, intelligent men who dote on the sort of girl that makes you cringe… you know, the cheating, selfish, out to get sort… and yet they can’t see it! Even when she TELLS him she doesn’t care, he blinds himself with “she’s going through an emotional patch right now”.
Quite a few of them crop up on here.
It’s a different kind of abuse, but a similar kind of compulsion.
A good book for her, or anyone who gets into recurrent abusive relationships of any kind, is “Women Who Love Too Much.” Very painful to read and have the blinders ripped off, but life changing.
This drama plays itself out right here sometimes. Women who are being abused but don’t want to leave their partners because they have no self-confidence in their own abilities to live without him.
mumstheword wrote:
I’ve seen the reverse situation many times.Lovely, intelligent men who dote on the sort of girl that makes you cringe… you know, the cheating, selfish, out to get sort… and yet they can’t see it! Even when she TELLS him she doesn’t care, he blinds himself with “she’s going through an emotional patch right now”.Quite a few of them crop up on here.It’s a different kind of abuse, but a similar kind of compulsion.
was waiting to hear a story like that. I’ve seen it too and its just as tough to watch as anything.
Dragon_Lady wrote:
This drama plays itself out right here sometimes. Women who are being abused but don’t want to leave their partners because they have no self-confidence in their own abilities to live without him.
The current boyfriend doesn’t hit her to my knowledge. She says he’s nice. So all I have to go by on this one is him being in jail.
Some people are messed up inside.
Like people who are abused as children are much more likely to abuse or be abused later in life.
It’s difficult to ‘help’ people like that.
Cell wrote:
Some people are messed up inside.Like people who are abused as children are much more likely to abuse or be abused later in life.It’s difficult to ‘help’ people like that.
True dat. They have to want to help themselves
She is now dating a really nice guy, who is the first one to come along that I can honestly say has put me at ease enough that I don’t feel like I have to play the big brother figure any more!
glad to know I will never be like those guys.
Cell wrote:
Some people are messed up inside.Like people who are abused as children are much more likely to abuse or be abused later in life.It’s difficult to ‘help’ people like that.
Yes; they think abuse is normal. And any relationship without abuse always feels like it’s missing something. So then they push their partner’s buttons and begin acting just like mumstheword says -becoming abusive themselves.
Dougie the Pisces wrote:
She is now dating a really nice guy, who is the first one to come along that I can honestly say has put me at ease enough that I don’t feel like I have to play the big brother figure any more!
good. im glad your friend is back on track :)
Yeah. But then I had another one that was kind of doing the same thing.
But she seems to have figured it out sooner, and with less f*ckwit guys involved!
She seems to be on track too!
good. always nice to see people improving their lives
dr house writes-Part of me hates the men in her life for being the butts they are but part of me hates her for being that stupid. She graduated with high honors, she’s nice, funny, pretty(to me atleast) and she keeps going back to these kind of guys. I know we all make some mistakes but don’t people learn from them anymore?
why not convince her your the guy for her,,because it sounds like you have something for her in your heart other than friendship
rwdeadman wrote:
dr house writes-Part of me hates the men in her life for being the butts they are but part of me hates her for being that stupid. She graduated with high honors, she’s nice, funny, pretty(to me atleast) and she keeps going back to these kind of guys. I know we all make some mistakes but don’t people learn from them anymore?
why not convince her your the guy for her,,because it sounds like you have something for her in your heart other than friendship
Doubt I will see the person again, or often. Lives ~ an hour away I think she said.
Mas 1st wrote:
I think someone has fallen a little bit in love. Your instincts are screaming that you should be protecting her but she is still placing herself in some unsavoury situations. I think this girl quite possibly does not think enough of herself. She may have had an over-critical father or even an abusive mother, but someone has made her not realise her own self worth.They say that girls go for bad boys, that isn’t actually the case, bad boys spot vulnerable women and target them, and because the girl doesn’t believe in herself she doesn’t know she can do better.I’d keep being her friend, dont spend your entire time with her talking aobut depressing things though or she will start associating spending time with you as talking aobut depressive subjects.Treat the situation as if she doesnt have a boyfriend, make her laugh, buy her small gifts (nothing major). Invite her to spend some time with you for her company but dont dwell on her past.Let her see what hanging out with a kind, gentle guy can be like.The next part I’m afraid is up to Cupid (or chemistry).Just remember House you may actually have a bit of a slight complex yourself in your need to ’save’ her. Ask yourself why this matters so much to you? - Mas
Thanks. To be quite honest I don’t know why it matters to me. I know myself less and less each day there Wilson
We all have our crosses to bear. Who knows what makes a person accept poor treatment in their lives? I’ve done it- have no history of abuse and good parents who are still married and in love. I’ve been married to a nice man and divorced amicably- dated some good ones but also some bad.
Maybe it’s about learning life’s lessons. It not something you choose so much as just end up in for not paying close attention. I agree that some bad boys (and girls as well) spot vulnerability and play on it. I’ve been fortunate enough to have the core strength and support to overcome those players largely unscathed (but with a few lessons learned) when I fell into my dark hours. I’m sorry to say not everyone has good people to fall back on who will tell them when they’re entangled with trouble. The whole dance is out of pain.
The best we can do is help the people who are ready to be helped, and be a person who can offer that help when needed. That means keeping our own self esteem and respect intact, no matter what awful things we see to the contrary.
When the student is ready, the teacher appears. Stand ready to be either, always. We all have a lot to learn, and something to work through.
Nice of you to see to the need, without judgment. And be willing to help.
Thanks for the reply ellecee. Very thoughtful answer.
Dr. Wilson edited this post 7 months, 2 weeks ago. Read the previous text »
~Men and Woman~
*please note I understand not EVERYONE is like this so don’t waste your time telling me that*
I’ve hated most men for awhile now seeing all the things they do, or don’t do. Sometimes I find myself feeling that I have to make up for all other mens mistakes.
Then part of me hates women for(in some cases) letting these men do the things they do, or continually being with these guys.
I met a young woman saturday night and we were talking about everything. She’s had ex’s who beat her, one got her pregnant(he didn’t know) and shoved her down the steps, killing her babies(twins), then when if figures it out(right after pushing her) takes her to the hospital. The guy’s an **** in short. Then I find out shes dating a guy whos in jail for stealing among other things.
Part of me hates the men in her life for being the butts they are but part of me hates her for being that stupid. She graduated with high honors, she’s nice, funny, pretty(to me atleast) and she keeps going back to these kind of guys. I know we all make some mistakes but don’t people learn from them anymore?
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