depression help: Hello everyone. - Help.com

Hello everyone.

I desperately need prayer and good wishes. I’m not sure how this site works, but I found it while randomly googling “desperately need God’s help.” I’m 22 years old, and the last five years of my life have been hell. Our family has been evicted twice, I’ve become estranged from my mother, one of my pets died a horrible death, I’ve had to more or less beg for money on the street, and I am now $32,000 in debt due to multiple student loans that I took out to help pay for family emergencies, including rent, bills, etc. I’ve made some really poor decisions in my life that I fully admit and own up to, and as a result of some of those decisions, I have recently lost an opportunity to earn a good income that would have helped me and my family tremendously. As a result, I have had to take a job that requires me to work outside for five hours a day in below-zero temperatures, and it’s taking a harsh toll on my health and on my already shaky emotional state. The job really isn’t that bad, but I’ve been in bad health these last few years and I’m having a hard time keeping up with it now that winter’s here. I know this sounds inappropriate coming from a 22 year old guy, but please understanding that I am not lazy or self-pitying; I absolutely will not quit this job unless I find another opportunity. I’d sooner drop dead than give up and admit defeat, but physical and emotional exhaustion is starting to set in. This only makes me more depressed because I am a very aggressive, motivated person and I tend to look down at myself with contempt for being such a ‘wuss,’ even though I know, at an intellectual level, that that’s not really the case.

I have been looking for another job, but haven’t been able to find anything, as the sagging economy has made jobs scarce is my area. I’m sick, exhausted, and totally demoralized right now. I’m concerned about my health, because I see my mental and physical condition rapidly deteriorating, to the point that I’m having trouble functioning on a day-to-day basis. I’m not self-destructive in any literal sense, but I find my thoughts turning in that direction more often than they have since I was in high school. I have no one I can turn to for practical help and no one I can really trust with these matters, but I realize that I’ve made poor choices and that I desperately need help and healing in my life. I have some potential opportunities lined up for January, but they are very far-fetched and even though I am trying to remain optimistic and maintain a hopeful attitude, I am somewhat skeptical as to whether these opportunities wil actually materialize. If they come through, I will truly be blessed and will be able to start on the road to personal recovery, but if not, I really don’t know what will become of me. I realize that I am dangerously close to the point of breaking down, but I can’t slow down or rest because of the situation I am in.

I’m not requesting any practical help from this site, but please pray for me. God and I are not really on speaking terms these days, so if someone would be willing to pray for me, I would appreciate it. I desperately need God’s love and forgiveness in my life, because I don’t think I can stand on my own two feet for very much longer. I realize that much of what I’ve described makes it sounds as if I’m a victim of circumstances, but the truth is that I’ve brought all of this on myself. I’m not clinging to any sense of false pride at this point; I need God’s mercy and grace in the fullest sense of those words. Please pray that I find not only an opportunity for better employment, but also that I can find spiritual peace, forgiveness, and redemption for the trainwreck that I’ve become.

Thanks,
Daniel

This open post was written 11 months, 2 weeks ago | V/U/S: 116, 20, 5 | Edit Post | Leave a reply | Report Post

Poverty, depression, Spirituality (How Tags Affect Reciprocity)

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