I think after 5 years, waiting until after the holiday would be the best thing. Why rub salt into the wound :(
May I ask why you want to end things?
Wow.. let me give you the shorter version. I had to learn on my own that people DON’T CHANGE. You think, oh that sucks, it will get better, and it doesn’t. There is no future with him. He is irresponsible (wrecks his car, has no insurance, went to jail b/c he didnt go to probation, and was on probation b/c he wrote a bad check and never paid it). He is unreliable (didn’t come to my graduation, grandmas funeral, grandpas funeral, last christmas, multiple thanksgivings, etc.) He lies constantly about little things, which makes me not able to trust him. There is no future with him (he’s 25 and has no aspirations in life… he could have went to school but didn’t, he’s a dishwasher part-time and has to live with his friend b/c he got evicted). Of course, I don’t give him crap about these things, but it’s just time to let go… nothing changes..Sorry..I guess this wasn’t such a short response.
TenToTheSixthPower wrote:
Wow.. let me give you the shorter version. I had to learn on my own that people DON’T CHANGE. You think, oh that sucks, it will get better, and it doesn’t. There is no future with him. He is irresponsible (wrecks his car, has no insurance, went to jail b/c he didnt go to probation, and was on probation b/c he wrote a bad check and never paid it). He is unreliable (didn’t come to my graduation, grandmas funeral, grandpas funeral, last christmas, multiple thanksgivings, etc.) He lies constantly about little things, which makes me not able to trust him. There is no future with him (he’s 25 and has no aspirations in life… he could have went to school but didn’t, he’s a dishwasher part-time and has to live with his friend b/c he got evicted). Of course, I don’t give him crap about these things, but it’s just time to let go… nothing changes..Sorry..I guess this wasn’t such a short response.
Well shee-it, if he’s that much of a loser I wouldn’t even spend the rest of the holidays with him.
No problem, I didn’t mind reading it.
That sounds exactly like my ex. I was with him for nearly 6 years.
We’ve really been going downhill for about the past 5 or 6 months… Tonight he didn’t come to my works Christmas party (he knows everyone there) and we actually didn’t talk to each other all day. I notice that if he calls my phone, I just want to hit ignore every time. I have no reason to talk to him b/c he will just talk about how crappy his life is.. blah blah blah. I’m tired of it. I already bought a Christmas present though…with no receipt to exchange.
♥ tiffany! wrote:
No problem, I didn’t mind reading it.That sounds exactly like my ex. I was with him for nearly 6 years.
How did your breakup go?
Horrible.
My breaking point was when I heard he was cheating. He didn’t bother to really defend himself. It was hard ending things, I’m not going to lie. It’s till hard. It hasn’t even been a month yet, but I know I made the right decision. He had even stopped calling and stopped coming over. I hadn’t seen him for about 2 1/2 weeks before we even broke up.
He was the same as your guy - He constantly lied, about everything. He was unreliable and he and irresponsible. ..But I loved him, unconditionally, so I stayed. The cheating thing just did it for me though..
So was it a screaming fighting breakup?
Not to mention he treated his dog like **** (which is major negative points in my book) and he didn’t get along great with kids. - He was nice to them but could get upset/angered very quickly. Not exactly the type of guy I want to eventually have kids with.
No. Actually, I had to do it through text because he wouldn’t even answer my calls.
But he has called since them (early today actually) we’ve only spoken three times since the break-up. All three times it ended in yelling.
hmmm. Maybe I could do it on the phone too.. I don’t know. See there is nothing specific that he’s done to push me over the edge. It’s just a buildup over time. That’s why I’m having trouble figuring out HOW to do it b/c the first thing he’ll say is “Why..what did I do?” and I don’t really have an answer that he would ever understand (because in his eyes, nothing is his fault, it’s always someone else sh**ing on him). So i’m just….I don’t know. In deep thought lol.
Don’t wait. Let him know the truth sooner rather than later. For one thing, it cuts down on the chances that it will come out “sideways”, for example during an argument or other inopportune time.
As for how to do it… If you want to be civil and gentle, try my recipe below. If you just want to get away safely and without him lashing out at you then make it short and sweet and have all of your things packed before you talk to him so that there is no lingering awkwardness. Either way, refrain from giving him personal advice as you go, because it isn’t a good time for that.
Do it in person if you can, and remember not to blame him. Tell him that you have grown apart, that you are not the same person that you were five years ago. Keep the focus on the fact that you are just looking for something different for yourself. If you have any other changes that you are planning or considering (such as school or a new job) it can be helpful to talk about those too, because it reinforces the point that you are making changes in your own life and it is not a judgement against him.
very good… i can use this. but I still wanna wait until after the holidays lol.
I’d do it in person if you could, it seems more mature and civil.
Be sure to get your things from him either before you do it, or that day. My ex still has all my stuff and I don’t think he’s going to give it back anytime soon, if at all..
It really is kinder to tell him now, before he buys you a gift or whatever. Holidays have a way of complicating things anyway. You know your situation better than I do, but I’d bet money that if you wait you’ll wish you hadn’t.
You spent five years with this guy?
Oh deary me… don’t spend another second with this deadbeat!
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