Christmas help: Closed. - Help.com

do it your way with a whole heart. Don’t teach her what you consider to be “rubbish”

really nice post even tho am not even close to having a child or something , but i really thought of it as a general and tried to find a solution in a really small time , but i couldnt find one, it’s really hard to tell i think… so for now i really dont know so i wont give you a wrong advise… i wish you good luck in any way you choose to go

Personally, I completely lost all trust in my parents when I found out the truth about Santa. I was 7. Ever since that day, I’ve never been able to believe anything they tell me, unless I’ve already heard it from someone else. (Then, I start to doubt that.)

You will probably want to teach her that it is something that most others tell their children though, and have her respect that. Because I have cousins that I visited during a past Christmas that still believed that there was such a thing as Santa. And me and my siblings really upset both my cousins and their parents because we said he wasn’t real. The parents were highly offended.

Tough question that you ask.
My personal view, is that it is the whole concept of Christmas, that makes it so special and magical to children.
This includes all of it. To some there is no biblical truth, to some no Father Christmas and to others that the comercialism of it, is false and destructive. In the debt it causes to many with children.
You have a right to bring your children up the way you wish to. Think though, that part of growing up, is about finding out truth’s and is also finding out about faith, love and learning to share, at Christmas. Is part of growing up, also that dreams aren’t always true but can be wonderfull things to have and pursue.
Dissapointment is a part of growing up as well.
I think that the magic of Father Christmas is as important as that of Christmas Day being the birthday of Christ.
Christmas day is still special to me. It is still magical to me. Although I no longer belive in Father Christmas. I used to at one time, when I was a child.

Do what you think it right, or what you believe. The only thing I would be worried about, is that when she goes to school, there might problems with other kids talking about it e.g. watch Miracle on 34th Street

Maybe give your child some other principle or belief that she could use as her shining star instead of santa.

I wasn’t very happy when I found out my parents had lied about Santa when we were kids. I think everyone should celebrate Christmas in their own way, and make your own traditions.

Personally I find it absolutely outrageous that the shops have commercialised Christmas to the point that todays children wouldn’t even know what Christmas even is. I’m not religous, so Christmas is just another time of the year for me.

My family have an Aussie Xmas every year. Barbecue, drinks and family. Gift giving we do for the kids, but we certainly don’t preech Santa to them. What a load of cr*p. Our Xmas is focused on family reunion.

Smoogie, they are your children, and what you want to teach your children, or not teach them in this case, is nobody else’s business. However, it is a bit of a double-edged sword when other children are being told of Santa Claus, and your child may pick it up anyway. But, at the same time, you can be honest with your daughter and tell her that some people believe the story to make it more “magical” for children, but you disagree that children should be forced to hear it. You could also tell her that perhaps it would be best not to tell the other children (when she starts going to school/playgroup etc) because that’s their belief, and it’s different.

I myself made the decision not to tell my children of it, and my mother even tried to sit there and go “well if you won’t tell them, I will. It’s cruel not to”.

I personally believe (and this is my own opinion) it teaches kids how to lie, and make up stories that can cause a lot of trouble. I also think it’s a bit contradictory. “Be good and Santa will bring you presents, be naughty and you’ll get a lump of coal (or in some cases, nothing)”. Now, putting that quote into perspective, it’s teaching children not only to lie, but how to make threats, how to bribe, and how to manipulate. Also, I don’t think I’ve ever seen a kid be “good” for a whole year by the standards of Santa Claus’ “requirements”. Also, the kids who haven’t been good, they STILL get presents. So that’s also teaching them it’s an empty threat, and they can get away with it and still get hundreds of dollars spent on them.

For example: My brother and sister-in-law just bought over $900 worth of toys for their 3 kids…and neither of them work, and I myself have seen how spoilt and demanding those kids are. They’re gorgeous kids, don’t get me wrong, I love them, but they can be a real few pains in the neck, (as all kids can be, of course) and they get everything just by whining after being told ‘no’ more than twice.

But like I said, it is solely your decision, and no one else has the right to tell you what you’re doing is wrong. If that’s your belief, then there is nothing wrong with trying to teach your kids the spirit of Christmas.

Though, you could always use the alternative explanation when she asks: Sinte Klaus was a historical figure who gave small wooden crafted toys to poor children and orphans in Holland who dressed in a black cloak and when around to the children’s homes and disadvantages families on Christmas Eve. That’s the origin of the “true” Santa Claus.

Another way to put it would be that the Jewish community doesn’t celebrate Christmas, but they’re surrounded by it constantly every year. Especially the children. However, while it might somehow be difficult to have an entirely different celebration, they stick with their beliefs and leave Christmas to others. They stick firmly to their beliefs and their ideals, and don’t get pressured into all the hullaballoo of Christmas. Well, somewhat. It’s hard to ignore, really.

Actually, I should add. My parents told me the story of Santa Claus when I was young, too. By age 5, I was just using it as a ploy to get presents. There was one Christmas when the Baby Born dolls had JUST been put on the market. (Geez, I feel old. I see them now, and they’re only 20 dollars cheaper than they were over 10 years ago. Heh)

The doll was $90, and I came from an extremely finaicially crappola family. (Neither of my parents worked, they were on the disabilty pension, and my father had a gambling problem.) So, after asking my parents for it and them saying “we can’t afford it”. I ripped out the old “Oooh! Maybe I can ask Santa! He can get it for me!” Manipulation vice extreme. Naturally, I got the doll and my parents told me Santa decided to help.

Moral of this story is: Even if you tell your kids about Santa…they most likely will just be using it against you for their own benefit. Lol.

Or maybe I was just evil.

For the record: I still have the doll. It’s just without the clothes and accersories now. :D

I’d say don’t!

I figured it out very early on.
Even though my parents tried to keep the charade up for several more years.

I wasn’t upset them. More pleased to discover I’d been right all along ;)

Very interesting question.

My parents never bought me up to believe in Santa and if I have a child, I plan to do the same as my parents. So I reckon you should tell your child the truth about the whole Santa scenario and that he doesn’t exist. Your child may appreciate what you do for them more than if they believed in Santa. However like many have said, Christmas is a “magical” time for young children, so I guess when your child is old enough to understand, you could explain who Santa is and remind them that it is just for fun.

It is a somewhat difficult situation. If you do decide to tell your children the truth, remember that there is a chance that they may tell the other children, which may upset them and possibly anger their parents. I did this when I was about 4yrs old :S

I’m going to quote from Postsecret for this one:
“I’m thankful that I was never told that Santa was real when I was growing up. Every Christmas, I always knew that the presents I received were from people who knew exactly how good or bad I’d been in the past year, and loved me anyway.”

Smoogie, inviting a non-parent guy to this thread means you’re positively daft. :-)
I was surprised at how many say they had negative reactions when they learned the truth about Santy. Perhaps the blame for that lies with parents who try to live vicariously through their kids and don’t know when to stop trying to “protect” the kid from truth?
Each kid matures at a different rate, but IMHO there’s no need to make ‘em grow up overnight. I’m from a generation that believed it was perfectly okay for kids to be kids until they were no longer are kids. That applied to everything from -
>> non religious fictions about santas and easter bunnies to
>> not cramming every after school minute with “extracurricular” events (and just let them PLAY) to
>> breast feeding and wearing diapers…
although I’ll allow that the latter probably require the imposition of definitive age limits to prevent a lifetime deviancy problems.
There’s nothing wrong or duplicitous about mixing a bit of fantasy in with life’s hard truths. Ideally, parents will help kids grow up knowing how to distinguish between reality and fiction without it being forced on them as soon as they stop thumbsucking. That way, they can enjoy a lifetime of entertaining fiction/fantasy yet remain well grounded.
No parent can be accused of being “dishonest” or “untrustworthy” simply because they let their kids participate in childhood flights of fancy. When it comes to Santa, a little whimsy that’s gradually explained away as an old-fashioned folktale between say, 4 and 6, should be a win-win. That way, kids can participate in the awe and mystery of mythical beings until they grow out of it… or some smarta&& jerkwad classmate (who was told early there’s no santa by parents who took truthfulness too literally) tries to rain on their parade and ruin the fun of innocence. (and there will always be such a punk to contend with)
I see no need for being the Scrooge and saying - “Santa’s a fake, kid. Your ma and me spent $150 for these gifts so it’s us who deserve the thank you!” - even if that is the truth and even if the consumer movement has totally corrupted the spirit of the season. IMHO, the whole religious spiel is a much worse fairytale to plant in a kid’s head.

Do what you think best. I think, given your sentiments on the subject that you should tell her that it’s a fantasy, but then allow her to participate in it to the degree that she wants. You can make it truthful and still fun, without it becoming clinical or cynical. And she should respect that others don’t have this knowledge and spreading it could diminish their fun.

Like Prisca Sapientia, I too am surprised that so many have said that discovering the truth about Santa was traumatic. My kids were both allowed to believe in Santa and it has done them no harm, just as I suffered no harm from it. My son is a teenager now, and knew when he was nine.

My daughter is only eight and still believes in Santa, the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy. She likes being a kid and is no hurry to grow up, and I’m not inclined to hurry her. Her best friend, though, has always been told that there’s no Santa or any of the others. This became an awkward situation once when the friend stayed over with my daughter the night before Easter. Her mom has always been adamant that the girl not “believe a lie”. While I understand that from a logical point of view, I also think something is lost, a wonder at the magic of myth.

Some parents can balance reality and story better than others, and I think that much of the disillusionment of those who feel they were “duped” might stem from the guilt-trip parents put on kids with that “Better be good, Santa is watching!” line. If done well, the tradition of Santa and the transition to full disclosure doesn’t have to be like a segment of “60 Minutes” where the perpetrators of some scandal are outed. In the book and movie The Polar Express (which by the way has zero religious references), the child protagonist wants to believe in Santa. It’s written from the perspective of an adult who took a Christmas Eve adventure to the North Pole. My daughter has a sleigh bell, like the one in the book/movie, and is fond of ringing it, and I pretend that I can’t hear it. But after trying to believe for a moment I am able to hear the bell.

I can still remember standing at our “picture window” as a child with my siblings, gazing into the night sky on Christmas Eve and “seeing” Santa’s sleigh, which was surely a passing airplane. The transition to knowledge was probably from scuttlebutt at school (I don’t remember), but I feel no betrayal now. I still believe in Santa. I just am him now.

My experience was more fortunate than others, I suppose. My mum did the whole Santa Clause thing, but I caught on really early. I think to me it was like a game. I would catch my mum bringing in the presents, or I would find them. So I guess it taught me to be inquisitive and skeptical. Others aren’t so fortunate.

I was not! I was born old and grumpy. :-)

Simone, I agree with you. She is your daughter and if you dont what her to belive in santa than that is your perogitive, not theirs. Its not them who will be getting the questions, its you. And you have every right to let your daughter believe what you want her to. Its none of your familys right to even suggest that you are going to “Kill her childhood” and just becuase she is not going to believe in santa, its not going to make her loose her childhood at all. They need to mind their own busniess…. gah!

::Hugs Simone:: No worries!

I want my boy to know, I like to see the look in his eyes, but to each his own and for anyone to tell you that is so freekin wrong. You are going to torch their trees right? :D!

for one, this is your child.. raise your child to the best of your abilities.. not someone else’s ideas.
you are the mommy, no one else..
as for the santa thing.. it is exciting for a child…. but you are right, when they get older and find out the truth.. they are devastated.. and christmas just doesnt seem the same anymore… so again.. raise your child as you see fit..

You could say Santa’s the guy who drives the cab when mommy over-does it at the Christmas party.