Love help: Peace out

Richard Cor de Lyon

An Undisclosed Location

Peace out

This closed post was written 10 months, 3 weeks ago | V/U/S: 79, 17, 6 | Edit Post | Report Post

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Since writing this post Richard Cor de Lyon may have helped people, but has not within the last 4 days. Richard Cor de Lyon is a verified member, has been around for 2 years, 6 months and has 157 posts and 8,662 replies to their name.

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Love, Relationships, Complete, self, Communication (How Tags Affect Reciprocity)

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Richard Cor de Lyon edited this post 10 months, 3 weeks ago. Read the previous text »

Love and relationships… I’ve written a long blog today, and thought I’d share it here too. Stay tuned.

Help me with: A mirror’s wisdom.

Richard Cor de Lyon changed the tags on this post: they were "" 10 months, 3 weeks ago.

Help me with: A mirror’s wisdom.

Richard Cor de Lyon invited 61 users to read this post 10 months, 3 weeks ago.

Help me with: A mirror’s wisdom.

Sasha101 5 #
An Undisclosed Location | 10 months, 3 weeks ago (1 hour, 28 minutes after post)

Wise words yet again Richard ! Great post hon :=)

Help me with: READ, LEARN AND BE AWARE !

This reply has been removed.

Rotech927 29 #
An Undisclosed Location | 10 months, 3 weeks ago (1 hour, 45 minutes after post)

Thanks Richard…very good post! Certainly can relate with those comments. My problem, the good memories are many. But, they are slowly fading away. We move on..and hope for the best!

Help me with: Do you feel like the “third wheel” sometimes during a post?

Cosmic Fool 3 #
An Undisclosed Location | 10 months, 3 weeks ago (1 hour, 56 minutes after post)

Words of wisdom, indeed a great read. Thanks, and wishing you a Merry christmas and new year =)

Help me with: Depression

This reply has been removed.

Rotech927 29 #
An Undisclosed Location | 10 months, 3 weeks ago (2 hours, 9 minutes after post)

Do you think so Silverwings? Maybe, too much water has gone under the bridge! There has too be effort on both sides of the ball…

Help me with: Do you feel like the “third wheel” sometimes during a post?

Sasha101 5 #
An Undisclosed Location | 10 months, 3 weeks ago (2 hours, 15 minutes after post)

It’s funny how men and woman go looking for the relationship to make them feel “complete” I think we need to be complete in ourselves, relying on someone to “complete” you doesn’t work. As you say each party has to be complete in themselves before giving all to another.
Its a good idea to clear out and rearrange the “old baggage” before heading into another relationship too, I see on here many times the half hearted approach in a new relationship simply because the poster hadn’t given themselves the time to get over and grieve the failing relationship they just came out of.
Often the cut and run nowadays is the fashion, what happened to the word “try” many times there are posts saying, I want a divorce, but not the length of time they have actually tried to put this marriage back on its tracks. Many don’t approve, but I firmly believe in living together before marriage , you never truly know someone until you live together. If you don’t think the relationship can survive then you have no mucky divorce to go through, you have a time in which you decide if the commitment of marriage is going to be a viable consideration.
Children need to be left out of the living together status as so many posts on here are from children suffering the effects of their parents divorces. Im a bit off topic here, but just to say I fully agree with starting out with a clean slate as it were. :-)

Help me with: READ, LEARN AND BE AWARE !

~Shie~ 10 #
Gloversville, NY, US | 10 months, 3 weeks ago (8 hours, 30 minutes after post)

What’s the first expectation of love? When we say “I love you” to someone, what is the only thing we want to hear back in return? We naturally want to hear back, “I love you too”. We need to hear that so much we will do and say anything; we will become anyone so the other will love us. And we will continue being something untrue to our Self until shortly before the relationship is over.

i have to say though… through the ‘learning’ in relationships in my past.. one thing that i have learned was…. if someone expects me to change so that i can feel a little more emotions from them… then they arent worth being with me. seriously, why do i or anyone for that matter have to change who they are for someone to love them? i now look at life and see that those people dont deserve to be in my life… and i will never change for someone again…. EVER… and i tell everyone.. if someone expects you to change… then show them the door…

also, the words i love you are just words… we need to see past those words because ANYONE can say those words… but it takes actions to prove it…

Help me with: ~I need your help~

I want out 2 #
An Undisclosed Location | 10 months, 3 weeks ago (9 hours, 49 minutes after post)

Richard I agree with thoes words, I have learned from each of my relationships, I have learned that I love myself enough to walk away when I know I should. Thanks a great post :)

Help me with: Letting go of your past!

Richard Cor de Lyon 20 #
An Undisclosed Location | 10 months, 3 weeks ago (14 hours after post)

Sasha ~ thank you for your kind words. I don’t think you were off topic by too much. As you and Silverwings point out divorce is more of an institution in Western culture than Marriage is these days; It is a sad state. Some religions try to prepare young couples for marriage (I know the Catholic Church does) but it generally gets bogged down with doctrine and the psychology of spending the rest of your life with someone usually takes a backseat (that was my experience). But Sasha, there does come a time for ‘cut and run’ as you say, and depending on the situation and what has been done there is no shame in that. The thing we must be mindful of break-up and and especially divorce is how shame can be worn like some death mask.

Thank you for your input Ramblingman. I know about good feelings. And in a break-up I believe we must keep the good with the bad. It actually is easier to keep the good memories. The bad memories tend to fade even quicker. That is how so many couples can find themselves back together after a time. They remember only the good feeling, quite forgetting the hurt they felt before. Remember the good and the bad; it helps to keep perspective.

Thank Cosmic Fool… I wish you a very merry Christmas as well :)

Thank you for your input Shie… you’ve learned a valuable lesson. But :) can you see when YOU are changing yourself for someone else? That, I think, is more common.

Thank you Libra… another wise lesson. We’re so lucky to have so many wise, beautiful women on this site!

Silver, thank you so much for your kind words. I do work with relationships in my practice. I do not yet have a workshop, but that’s a great idea! You mentioned divorce being the same in and out of a religious marriage. That reminded me of something I read. I read that many of our divorces are troubled, and wounded break-ups because the marriage was a bond within the confines of the spirit. The divorce however is as far away from spirit as one could get! This creates a great amount of shame. For example… I was married in the Catholic Church, and even though the State says I’m divorced, the Church does not recognize it. The church says that in the eyes of God, I am still married, and if I lay with another woman now I am committing adultery. So, some form of spiritual break-up might be the way to go too (when necessary).

Sasha ~ thank you for your kind words.  I don't think you were off topic by too much.  As you and Silverwings point out divorce is more of an institution in Western culture than Marriage is these days; It is a sad state. Some religions try to prepare young couples for marriage (I know the Catholic Church does) but it generally gets bogged down with doctrine and the psychology of spending the rest of your life with someone usually takes a backseat (that was my experience).  But Sasha, there does come a time for 'cut and run' as you say, and depending on the situation and what has been done there is no shame in that.  The thing we must be mindful of break-up and and especially divorce is how shame can be worn like some death mask.

Thank you for your input Ramblingman.  I know about good feelings.  And in a break-up I believe we must keep the good with the bad.  It actually is easier to keep the good memories.  The bad memories tend to fade even quicker.  That is how so many couples can find themselves back together after a time.  They remember only the good feeling, quite forgetting the hurt they felt before.  Remember the good and the bad; it helps to keep perspective.

Thank Cosmic Fool... I wish you a very merry Christmas as well :)

Thank you for your input Shie... you've learned a valuable lesson.  But :)  can you see when YOU are changing yourself for someone else?  That, I think, is more common.

Thank you Libra... another wise lesson.  We're so lucky to have so many wise, beautiful women on this site!

Silver, thank you so much for your kind words.  I do work with relationships in my practice.   I do not yet have a workshop, but that's a great idea!  You mentioned divorce being the same in and out of a religious marriage.  That reminded me of something I read.  I read that many of our divorces are troubled, and wounded break-ups because the marriage was a bond within the confines of the spirit.  The divorce however is as far away from spirit as one could get!  This creates a great amount of shame.  For example... I was married in the Catholic Church, and even though the State says I'm divorced, the Church does not recognize it.  The church says that in the eyes of God, I am still married, and if I lay with another woman now I am committing adultery.  So, some form of spiritual break-up might be the way to go too (when necessary).

Help me with: A mirror’s wisdom.

Jade 8 #
An Undisclosed Location | 10 months, 3 weeks ago (1 day, 1 hour after post)

ahhhh my dear friend once again you are teaching lessons so dear to my heart. My divorce taught me so much of what you speak here. The table was occupied by two people who were both in disguise. As I saw less of myself in a mirror and more of the cloak I was wearing, it became very apparent that I was dying a slow painful soul death.

It’s a scary thing to look in a mirror and not recognize yourself, to see a dying soul reflected in your own eyes, and to have physically allowed myself to show my lost of self respect.

but its not a sad story, I am now a vibrant, healthy, vital young woman in a loving relationship with someone appreciates what I bring to the table and I respect his offerings.

But not only has the change occurred in a relationship of love, but in everything I do…my intereaction with my children, my work and my daily interactions with anyone. My self respect is my confidence, my confidence is my armour against those who attempt to offend/hurt me. It is much easier to deflect careless acts/words of others now than ever before. To speak up when I am hurt…boy did that one take a long time!!!!

My mother was a wise woman, I miss her greatly, and as I grow and learn I understand and see the wisdom of her favorite saying….”I love myself…who do you love?” she would always say it with the biggest smile and a twinkle in her eye… the secrets of her wisdom continue to unfold before me, even though she has been gone for 6 years.

Hugs Rich…xo and Merry Christmas and may all good things be yours in the New Year..healthy, happiness and love!

Help me with: Has Government gotten to big?

2greeneyes 5 #
Midvale, UT, US | 10 months, 3 weeks ago (4 days after post)

Incredible Richard,
So true, trying to please someone and be what your not is not being true to yourself. The facade is exhausting and non fufilling. Making the beginning to be doomed. Sure gives one plenty of time to become resentful of something they initiated and acted out themselves, only to resent the one they lied to. How ironic. Tough being a messed up human, huh?

Help me with: What On Earth?

Richard Cor de Lyon edited this post 10 months ago. Read the previous text »

Love and relationships…

When you soar with the eagles, you tend to have their vision too!

~ Love and Relationships ~

Are you coming out of a failed relationship? I’d like to think there are no failed relationships. Of course the mere fact that the relationship is over means that it failed, at least to one of you. But ultimately, don’t we learn something from every relationship? So, like everything else – failure is a relative perspective.

What is a “failed” relationship anyway? A relationship that ended of course… a relationship that didn’t work out… a relationship that failed to meet expectations. Wow… failed to meet expectations. That’s the issue isn’t it? How many times do we enter into a relationship where we have expectations? OK, OK… I know no one expects (hopefully) that their partner will cheat on them, but it happens. But infidelity is not the biggest reason relationships end – poor communication is. So, going into the relationship with expectations is a very bad start in the first place.

In a way it’s understandable though, our parents clearly taught us that love is conditional didn’t they? You knew things would go better for you if you brought home a D instead of that F. You knew what would disappoint your dad, or make your mom angry. And to maintain their love you strived to meet their expectations – their conditions. That is the same love you bring into our own relationships, because that is the love you were taught.

What’s the first expectation of love? When we say “I love you” to someone, what is the only thing we want to hear back in return? We naturally want to hear back, “I love you too”. We need to hear that so much we will do and say anything; we will become anyone so the other will love us. And we will continue being something untrue to our Self until shortly before the relationship is over.

I say we will continue until relationship is over because we will shape and reshape our self through the entire relationship all the while regretting (at least subconsciously) the loss of our real self. Resentful that our partner has taken all the wonderful things that we have done or become for them for granted. Then one day months or even years down the road we grow weary of being something our soul did not mean for us to be and we give up on reshaping our self. Until one day our partner looks over at us and says; “You’ve changed! I don’t even know who you are anymore!”.

This is one of the reasons we are told we must first love our self before anyone can expect to love us. Another reason we should love our self is so that we learn to how to love another. As Neil D. Walsh writes in Conversations with God; “… It’s all very romantic to say, she completes me, but is far better in reality to be able to share your complete self with her …”. We must first know and love how we are, so that we can bring that person into the relationship. Don’t give of yourself 100%. Because if you do that you will have nothing else to give. Rather I say, share yourself 100%. Don’t enter into a relationship expecting to be filled or to be completed. No one else in this world can complete you because you are already made as a whole being by your creator. If you don’t know that, then you must first learn that.

We must become in our love more self centered. That is not to say selfish, but we must bring our true self to the relationship. Firemen do not flee a building about to collapse because they are afraid to die (that is not the only reason anyway), no they flee because they know that if they DO die then they will not be able to do what they are meant to do. The same can be said for love. If you do not take care of your own soul, you will never be able to offer that soul to another. And in love it is (or should be) more of an offering then a sacrifice.

And when you come to that table of offering, wear your best clothes. Do not come to the table of love tattered and worn. When you love, love so that you may know the best possible self that you are. Do not come to love expecting to find in another the best possible relationship between two souls.

And when you come to the table of love, remember that love is sacred. So often we hear it said that God is Love. Love is the highest feeling we can have. It is a core emotion, and it is the language of the soul. If you are speaking in such terms you are speaking in divine terms, do not let it get lost in confusion and expectations or conditions. Love for loves sake.

And when you feel that you cannot express or share of this higher self to another, then it is time to leave the table. This is not a failure. You have shared, or tried to share of your grandest Self; there is no shame in that. If someone else has come to the table in disguise, this too is not your failure. Learn from these loves so that when you next share of your Self, you will know better the signs of the deceiver.

Love has no beginning and it has no end. Love lives in you as assuredly as does your breath. And as your breath does keep you alive, so let your love do also.

Bright blessings ~ Richard