Coming out help: How do you tell your parents you aren’t gay, when you told them you are before? - Help.com

How do you tell your parents you aren’t gay, when you told them you are before?

Well, first of all, I should tell my story a bit. Growing up I thought I was straight(as most all kids do), but at 11 or 12, around puberty, I started to notice boys. I didn’t deny it to myself, and I accepted to myself that I was bisexual, or so I thought. At 14 I began to think I was gay, and accepted that. I kept things to myself till I was 16(as I am now), when I came out to my parents via a note. They took it somewhat well, though they only accept, and still condemn it. However, in the past month or so, I came to realize I am not gay, or straight. I may be bisexual, or pansexual, or some other thing; I decided I’m done with labels, and so I choose not to identify with any. However, my interests have been caught by one girl in particular, and I was wondering how to explain to my parents that I’m not gay. I’d feel like I was going back on my word if I said I wasn’t. So I have no idea what to do now, I’ve never heard any advice for this situation. And well, time’s not a factor, really, but I guess I just want some direction.

This open post was written 11 months, 3 weeks ago | V/U/S: 439, 6, 5 | Edit Post | Leave a reply | Report Post


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Since writing this post avaeccus may have helped people, but has not within the last 4 days. avaeccus is a verified member, has been around for 1 year, 5 months and has 11 posts and 68 replies to their name.

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Kuvri (yodaluv12) offline Verified User (3 years) Long Term User Shouts: 2 #
Kangerlussuaq, 01, GL | 11 months, 3 weeks ago (40 minutes after post)

I think you should wait until you finish puberty and are more sure of your sexuality before you tell your parents again. Either that or tell them you’re bi. But who knows, maybe after you move on from this girl you’ll not like girls again.

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Help me with: We are nearly at a time where most of the world will make a historical decision- what will you decide?
avaeccus offline Verified User (1 year, 5 months) Long Term User Shouts: 0 #
An Unknown Location | 11 months, 3 weeks ago (42 minutes after post)

Kuvri (yodaluv12) wrote:
I think you should wait until you finish puberty and are more sure of your sexuality before you tell your parents again. Either that or tell them you’re bi. But who knows, maybe after you move on from this girl you’ll not like girls again.

All very possible, true. I just don’t want to tell them I’m not gay through a wedding invitation to a girl they’ve never met, granted I marry a girl of course. Though if I do start dating her, having my parents think I’m gay could be a pretty big advantage, I could spend a lot of time with her with no suspicion.

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Help me with: Is there a way to fall out of love?
avaeccus offline Verified User (1 year, 5 months) Long Term User Shouts: 0 #
An Unknown Location | 11 months, 3 weeks ago (43 minutes after post)

Man… what do I keep on typing for that to continually happen.

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Help me with: Is there a way to fall out of love?
margerydor offline Unverified User #
An Unknown Location | 11 months, 3 weeks ago (18 hours, 45 minutes after post)

You could just tell them you are confused and need time to work it out. It doesn’t really matter whether you change your mind a hundred times, they’re your parents and will love you.

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lauren.capel offline Unverified User #
An Unknown Location | 11 months ago (3 weeks, 1 day after post)

Instead of saying you’re confused - you should just tell them that you aren’t labeling yourself anymore and that you’ve found yourself attracted to members of both sexes. It all boils down to you loving who you love, no questions asked - no excuses needed. I can relate though - I went through a long period of thinking that I was a lesbian, but I was attracted to a few guys too; my mom was supportive, but my dad freaked the heck out. Now I just tell people I’m greedy and want a bigger playing field (it makes them laugh and back off my case at the same time). You should really tell them about this girl though because if you do become serious it would be kinda uncomfortable to blindside them with your relationship when you bring her home to meet the parents (they might blurt something out like, “BUT YOU SAID YOU WERE GAY!”). I would also recomend telling anyone you get into a relationship with that you swing both ways - saves a hassle down the road when they find out by some other source (can you say AWKWARD!!!!).

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Anonymous #
10 months, 2 weeks ago (1 month, 1 week after post)

Just tell your parents that you come to realize that your not what you thought you were and in the end they should respect whatever you decide.

Your growing up these things happen, dont be ashamed you wont be going back on your word you’ll just be open and honest with your parents about how you feel, and they deserve that atleast.

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