life help: am i the wrong? - Help.com

help anyway and apologize…….That’s what growing up is all about

Are you the first born? Because your parents seem absolutely clueless as how to deal with a teenager.

yes i am the eldest.
why?
what should they have done.
or what should i do?

As the eldest, your parents are experimenting with you, clearly.
First off, they should realize a teenager’s room is their sanctuary. My father did the exact same with me and he threw out like 10 of my Dvds, video games and cds because i didn’t pick them up. I was furious. I didn’t talk to them for a week, but I wrote a note on the third day saying I expected reimbursement on every single game/dvd/cd he threw out, or else i’d leave. I had somewhere to go for a few days, so I did after that week. However, my parents quickly realized they were in the wrong for taking my stuff and disrespecting it - I keep the rest of the house clean, I kept my car clean, etc. My room I needed to look lived in - I couldn’t (and still can’t) stand it when it’s spic and span. It just isn’t me.
My parents went out looking for me and found me at a friend’s house. They apologized and said they didn’t take me seriously, but I could keep my room a reasonable mess as long as I don’t lose things. Which I don’t.
Your parents obviously need some time to cool off, or a realization like I gave to my parents. If you don’t have anywhere to go, don’t go anywhere. Instead, if you want reimbursement, tell them so. I would suggest keeping your room clean for a while, then leave a piece of clothing on the floor when you go to school or go out for the day, in plain sight for if someone goes into your room. If your mom throws it out, do what you have to to communicate to her how unfair you think she’s treating you for leaving just one thing on the floor - it isn’t a mess, and you’re a teenager! Explain to her what a sanctuary your room is.
If they don’t throw it out, because they forgot or don’t care anymore, still sit down and talk to them. Tell them why you left the clothing on the floor and once again, explain it’s a sanctuary and you can always keep the door closed if it bothers them, or you’ll clean if company’s coming over.
The reason I think you should try keeping it clean and then the clothing on the floor is because your mom claims to not care anymore, so this way you can actually see if she does.
If your dad had no part in this, though, you shouldn’t punish him. You really should work for him tomorrow.
If he agrees with her though, I see nothing wrong with being stubborn - it’s their fault if they don’t let you have your own area.
A teenager resorts to their room most of the time, it should be your own.

I hope I helped a little.

wow, thanks
i think i may need to talk to my mum :/
but the thing is, i get my stuborness from her
and really, she wont talk to me and even look at me
when she walks past, she’d just completely blank me.
…

write her a letter and put it somewhere she’ll see it. where she puts the mail or something.
and tell me what she does, i’d like to help more if it’s negative, but I have faith it will be a positive outcome.
you’re her daughter, she can’t be mad at you forever. especially if you’re willing to apologize or even just talk - not argue. that would be very childish of her.

Help your dad. This fight is between you and your mom so he shouldn’t be deprive of the help he can get from you.

I think that she should respect your definition of cleanliness when it comes to YOUR room. She doesn’t stay in your room anyway. Why is she bothered by the mess? Is she a super neat-freak or just normal? Is it really very messy or it’s at a manageable level?

When my mom nags me about cleaning my room, I’ll tell her I’m busy and that I’ll do it as soon as I could. I’ve always been busy though. I’d tell her “Yeah. You’re right. I should clean my room. I’ll do it when I’m done with my exams (or something).”

Oh yeah. A lot of times, when she gets really angry about the mess, I’d get a big box and dump everything there. So my rooms becomes spotless. I hide the box though. Haha.

haha, thanks for all the replys,
i wrote a letter and put it in HER room
which wasnt exactly spotless.
and she isnt talking to me properly
but she says that she’ll buy me new straighteners.
whther she was being sarcastic i dont know. :/
but i’ve tidied my room now, although some of the stuff’s under my bed.
haha, hopefully she doesnt go there, but i’ll keep you all updated whether she buys me the straighteners,
and i decided to go and help my dad, which he was pleased about, and i’m glad i did. thanks for the advice. >.