anxiety help: Shyness and Social Anxiety Disorder. - Help.com

I think I have overly sensitive disorder. That’s a real thing but probably innacurate name. I heard that the course how to make friends and influence people is a good way to deal with sociol anxiety but that might be obsolete.

My best friend has social anxiety disorder and she started going to a therapist for it after high school. They put her on medications, which at first she took regularly, but as she learned to deal with her anxiety, she started taking the medication only when she was expecting a stressful social situation such as an upcoming job interview. She has now completely weened herself off of the medication and is doing great. She works as a hostess in a restaurant, goes out whenever she wants to, and is a full time college student. While she does still have occasional panic attacks, they do not cripple her as they used to.

¡ʎuɐɟɟıʇ wrote:
Thanks, but I don’t have the money for a therapist ..and I’m not willing to take medications. I’m trying to overcome this on my own. I’m sure it can be done, I just need to know how.

I understand. The medication wasn’t meant to be taken forever though. It was meant as a “gateway” while she learned to deal with the anxiety attacks.

You could also approach the problem like I did. I was painfullly shy and prone to anxiety attacks and I simply decided one day to get over it. I walked over to the fast food restaurant in the gas station where I worked and told the guys working there that I had lived in town for two months, didn’t know anyone, and I was wondering what they were doing later. My face turned red but I didn’t let it get in the way of me making new friends and the more I forced myself to do bold things like that, the less frequently my panic attacks occured. Now they’re very rare.

I’ve also tried to deal with anxiety without meds or anything. Basically I just remind myself that I’m in control of my life. If I don’t want to panic or be uncomfortable than I don’t have to be. It also helps to do the things that stress you out, to kinda build up a tolerance to being stressed out by them, if that makes any sense.

i too am on the shy side. it mostly interferes with my ability to make friends. i tend to stay to myself. not that i’m not nice or interesting or friendly. i’m just introverted.
i understand the part where you mentioned being ok one-on-one with people or with people you know well. most introverts don’t thrive in larger social groups. that being said, i have more success just being in really small groups or one-on-one with people. but i truthfully don’t put myself out there very often.

regarding interviews… do you do any preparation b4 going on one? i spent a week planning the responses to certain questions that interviewers are bound to ask. it makes you feel prepared and you come across more credible to the interviewer. you can find all kind of websites that have commonly asked interview questions. write them down along with how you would respond. typically interviewers will ask your strengths, weaknesses and then they will ask you situational based questions. these type of questions are used to guage your abilty to handle different situation. look up situational interview questions online and try to answer them. this could really help take the edge off things for you in an interview.

lastly,another thing that i found to be helpful is reading a newspaper, or keeping up on current events or other things that people in your age group would be in tuned to. this way when you are short on things for conversation you can say “i read somewhere blah, blah, blah, what do you guys think?”

just some thoughts. hope some of it helps. believe me you aren’t alone but there are way to make it easier on yourself. . . avoiding things shouldn’t be the answer though:)

We are all capable of being shy - you have instincts and people can often prejudge based on physical signs aka body language. Don’t pigeon hole yourself. Because it said in a test you … doesn’t mean you have to be. Try speaking to people that you know you may never see again - on buses/trains etc. Practice makes perfect. Look into body language - you will know what people are thinking to a degree without speaking to them. You have to try and look at people as unique. It is hard to like everyone but if you try you will find you actually have more friends than you can manage. Think positively and look at a book called are you ready to succeed. It helped me understand how my brain functions and how I can change it. Our past will always haunt us. We do not however have to react in a certain way as a result of it. Rememeber we each change every second - You can do it if you believe you can and try. Remind yourself not to panick - imagine people as children - they want to learn about you in interviews thats all. You are responsible for how you think, what you think and how you lead your life. Hope that helped.

it is strange that i am so introverted but have made a career for myself in sales for the past 8 years. if that isn’t an outgoing profession i don’t know what is. sales is all about taling ot people and having them be comfortable with you. my shyness doesn’t interfere with my work it is mostly socially where it comes into play the most. i do know how to have conversations but sometimes fell i have nothing to say.

the interview thing: really sit down and type out the question and your response and go over and over it. it sounds weird but it worked for me. without that kind of planning i would not have been able to compose myself for the 5 interviews with the same company that i eventually got a job wiht. each interview was increasingly more difficult and required alot of focus.

you likely have lots to offer that you don’t even know. what do you like to do? come up with conversations based on that.

Hey Tiffany, thanks for the invite… I hope I can help!

I feel like I can relate slightly to what you may be feeling. In high school, I too suffered from pretty bad anxiety from one of my “foreign language public speaking” classes, and it was so bad my body would make itself sick! I was miserable every day that I had that class.

The good news is that there is hope. I do feel as if I grew out of it a lot when I went to college. I trained my brain to understand and realize that people in general have natural tendencies to get nervous when singled out in a group. Knowing that I was not alone and this problem was normal helped slightly to reduce some of the anxiety. Tiffany, you are not alone!

Another method that helps me is when presenting/interviewing and I can feel myself getting nervous is trying to actively force myself to calm down. How do I do this? Pause. Take a breath, and TALK SLOWLY/clearly. I have noticed that even if I think that I am talking SUPER slow in my head, it actually comes out clear and a normal speed to others. People who are interviewing are generally compassionate and understand that being on the other side can be intimidating. Groups too will appreciate a slower/clearer speaker than a rushed/nervous one. It also helps if you know what your presenting, better than the back of your hand.

Another method I try to do, is imagining my counterparty (big group or interviewer) as a friend/s. Granted I’m not saying you have to be their friend, but by “imagining” you are presenting to a friend helps clam the nerves a lot. It helps alleviate the feeling that you are being judged. Furthermore, in the case of an interview, it’s more 1 on 1. Feel free to spend a minute or two, asking the interviewer questions about him/her self… it may help you relax a little.

Lastly, similar to a comment I made in another post to you it seems like you have some self-confidence issues. You really should repeat to yourself all the GOOD characteristics and qualities that you possess… I hardly know you, but I am sure they are endless… Ill start you off with the few I can gather from our brief interactions:

1. You’re compassionate to people, even too random strangers.
2. You have plenty of aspirations and work towards achieving them.
3. You are constantly trying to identify personal problems and further better yourself.
4. You are not scared to reach out to others for help.
5. If that is your picture in your profile, you have been blessed with a beautiful smile and some killer eyes. (Get out and share that with people!)

Things you should keep in mind:

1. Don’t be intimidated that people will make fun of you. In your past this may have happened, but mature people would try to help you if they identified you struggling, not make fun of you.
2. People who make fun of others are often compensating for something they lack or are jealous of something that they see in you. They are not worth your time.
3. Believe in yourself! If you don’t believe that you are that awesome, how can you expect others to?
4. I am babbling and will stop writing lists now.

Hope that helped. I really do think you are a person who has a good heart. Write down a list of qualities you admire about yourself. Repeat them to yourself daily. Believe in yourself. Don’t be overly worried about how people will react. Do good, good will come your way… and most importantly be comfortable being yourself. Your true friends/relationships will mold around you better if you are true to yourself. Don’t worry so much about impressing people… but at the same time, give people the chance to get to know you so that they have the opportunity to be impressed with what you already have.

Best of luck!

hi tiffany. wow that sounds so much like me it scary.but i know how u feel.i went to a therapist.she told me that meds would help.and thy have .i hardly ever talk to my boss before now i just say well he is just a man not as smart as i am lol but a man all the same.

Ah-ha!
People you need to impress Tiffany?

Well for starters, don’t worry about trying to impress the guy you like.
I can’t speak for all guys, but the ones I know (including myself) tend to be quite unimpressed with girls that try to impress lol

Just be you, and don’t even THINK about trying to impress a guy.
At least not in such a way that comes across as you are trying.
Any decent intelligent guy will notice an effort, though he won’t always say it verbally.

Eg. you go on a date, and you’ve done something a bit cool with your hair.
We’d notice.

Cardinal rule though: Never EVER overdo the perfume. We hate this.
As much if not more than you hate too much cologne or after shave.

To us its like walking through the horrid perfume counters of a department store, or being out with Grandma… gah!
Hehehe

I’m not that good with job interviews… but I was once given some advice about them.
Apparently a short interview is a good indicator.
And apparently a really long interview is good also.

Don’t know why you’d be nervous about friends you haven’t seen in a long time.
I woiuld have thought that the excitement would turn you into a blabbermouth, and you wouldn’t be able to stop talking to them, because you haven’t seen them in year ;) lol

Tiffany,

You will find your match. Nervousness can be cute. Don’t drive yourself crazy!

Do your thing.

Hehehe temporarily turn retarded lol
I kind of know what you mean… that’s why I try to avoid dating.
Dating puts unnecessary pressure on people….

Just talk to the guy as if he was someone you weren’t wanting to impress…
;)

just be your self .. its not always easy to do.

meds help .

Not always

i felt the same for a long time .

I’m a pretty shy person too, one of the hard things about being shy is just taking that first step to put yourself on the line. In a way, the internet is a bad influence on shy people because it lets us do things online that years ago, we had to do in person.

I went to a group called toastmasters, it doesn’t cost very much, like 50 bucks for 6 months. You go to meetings that are either weekly or bi-weekly, and basically you give a series of speeches and are given some tips on how to improve. The first time I went I was so nervous, but when I got there I found that a lot of the people were also shy. I was only able to go for about a month before I moved, (there’s no group where I am now), but in that month I learned quite a bit. Enough to take a customer service job in university and not worry too much about dealing with the public.

As for dating….let’s just say I’m still working on that. But I think that would deal more with the guy you are dating and how comfortable with him you are. That would also be a big factor.

i have the same social problems two..

I’d never even hear of “Social Anxiety Disorder”. That’s great to learn those words, now I need the opposite …. “Social Comfort Order” maybe?

Thanks for the invite.

It’s good that you decided to finally do something about your shyness and the social disorder. Good for you. The first step to make a change is always the hardest.

There are self-help books that you could read to help you overcome it. I’ll try searching on the net next week. Do you like to read?

For the shyness and the feeling of being intimidated, also for the inveterviews and dates, you can practice. Rehearse yourself as to what you will say and how you’ll say it to the person (pizza guy, boss, boys etc.) It’s not enough that you’ll just formualte in your head what you’d do or how you’d act around those “important” people. It’s better that you actually pretend (privately) that you are already in that situation. It’s like having a simulation. Youm imagine talking to your soon-to-be-boss and really answer the questions out loud. It’s like you’re acting. Do it in private though. People might think you flipped. :D

Doing the “pretend” would help you be comfortable in those uncomfy situations. this gives you the feeling and the righ tot say “yeah I’ve practiced for this a thousand times so I need not fear.”

If you “rehearse” well, you’d be comfortable and less aware of your scripted actions. Later, during the actual situation, it will just flow naturally.

Oh yeah, whenever you’re heart is racing fast, you can:
1.) Ask yourself why are you scared of the situation and then rationalize that you shouldn’t be scared.

If that takes so long,
2.) Take a deep breath. Recite in your head a short sentence that would help you get a grip. It can be religious, poetic or even just something you composed.
Make it short though.

As to not being comfortable being alone in a public place, try the following:
1.) When you’re by yourself, listen to music. Do you have a music player? Listening to music will keep you from feeling lonely. It will also get your mind off the awareness that you are alone.

2.) Bring a book and read. It lets you focus on the book and not on the world around you.

For oprtions 1 and 2, you’d do this just until you get the hang off being alone. Perhaps later, you’ll realize that it’s sometimes good to be alone every now and then. It gives you the time and space you need to figure things out.

¡ʎuɐɟɟıʇ wrote:
Do you deal with the same thing Michael? :/

yes.

Michael Leibman wrote:

¡ʎuɐɟɟıʇ wrote:
Do you deal with the same thing Michael? :/

yes.

I was trying to think about it, but if I search for “anxiety” I find anxiety, likewise with “shyness”, so I’m trying to figure out what the right things to search for are. “calm confidence” maybe.

You’re a really cute girl. What in gods name do you have to be shy about. People are probably more shy towards you than you to them.

I very much doubt that anyone looks at you and thinks you are disgusting.

Maybe you’re reading too much into it. Sometimes we think someone is thinking something or looking at us in a certain way and they’re not.

But even if they are, just ignore it. You don’t need their approval and it’s on them if they wanna judge you before they even know you.

Spa wrote:
People will do the rest…

I’ve noticed something like that … like it’s easier to be confident with people you already know, perhaps partially because they know what would cause or prevent anxiety in you.

¡ʎuɐɟɟıʇ wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
People are probably more shy towards you than you to them.

Doubt it.

People either look at me like I’m completely disgusting or as if I just don’t ‘belong’.

yeah that seems a bit extreme. Honestly, I am a pretty shy person myself… it may sound weird, but the “better looking” a girl looks to me, the more I kinda divert my eyes and stuff.

You may totally be reading into it wrong. I HIGHLY doubt they just randomly dont like you… maybe they are just unhappy with their own lives and dont seem to smile as much =/

mayneverkno wrote:
yeah that seems a bit extreme. Honestly, I am a pretty shy person myself… it may sound weird, but the “better looking” a girl looks to me, the more I kinda divert my eyes and stuff.

Yeah, I’m that way too, I don’t really look at anyone, for fear that they get the wrong idea, and think I’m a weirdo.

Tiffany, I wouldn’t think much of it because you seem like a really nice smart person to me, from what I’ve read from your other responses. You are very attractive from the picture you have on here, anybody would be crazy to think negatively of you.

¡ʎuɐɟɟıʇ wrote:
Well, honestly, it does seem that way. :/ Sometimes I get really bad/rude looks ..for no apparent reason.

I could just be walking through the store or something..

Oh..They’re just envious of you. Don’t mind them. Don’t stoop down to their level and don’t let this affect you.

Maybe, you misread their actions? Maybe that rude stare wasn’t meant for you. Sometimes, people look at your direction but they’re not looking at you. Maybe something else was bothering them. Well, the point is that you shouldn’t let this rudeness (whether it’s for you or not) bring you down. Don’t let anyone step on your self-confidence. You are “held-down” because you let them do it to you.

You’re pretty. I know you are smart. You give witty advices and you’re wise beyond your years. I know that you are beautiful inside and out. You just have to see that for yourself. Believe in yourself. Be confident.

¡ʎuɐɟɟıʇ wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
People are probably more shy towards you than you to them.

Doubt it.

People either look at me like I’m completely disgusting or as if I just don’t ‘belong’.

Maybe you’re actually too pretty for your own good in this particular context. People seem to like you, to be attracted to you, so then you become familiar and friends and don’t have to have shyness. As far as I can tell, that doesn’t do much good for overcoming the shyness of dealing with people you don’t know or who could care less how pretty, intelligent, or attractive you are.

I might be way off base here (wrong), that’s just the best formulation of what I was thinking.

So, I was taking a trip the other day and this came on my playlist: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KNthqC…

It reminded me of this thread… so for whoever it may help here are the lyrics:
http://www.metrolyrics.com/beautiful-…

Again, your not alone! And dont forget the power of inner beauty. Dont worry so much about other people and their judgments.

Just read your post. I myself am a highly sensitive person which makes me susceptible to social anxiety. Many times I find myself overwhelmed in large social gatherings. This is sometimes just due to being overstimulated. The fact is this is all ok.

On the flipside I am sometimes much more intuitve and sensitive to the needs of others.

A couple of things that easy the stress of this are taking hikes and volunteer work. Volunteering my time helping being sort of takes the pressure out of social situations and gives me a good feeling about myself as well. Taking hikes puts me in a serene surrounding and eases my nerves.

i’m with you. how did you overcome your panic attacks?

Any success with alleviating your anxiety?

Sure thing… its always good to hear about someone overcoming an issue of theirs =)

theater classes ^^ They are fun!

Is not a bad advise… if you have time to do so, go! ^^

Oh my, i’m the same …but i’m OK with how i am these days :)

I don’t enjoy navigating the trolley through the supermaket. If an ailse is too crowded, i’m likely to meander over to the next one so i can have an easier passage without needing to engage in so much non-verbal negotiations on who goes in which direction, and who’s not aware their blocking the way, accidentally bumping into people and going through these rounds of “sorry” back & forth.

Decided to put myself through a “make more eye contact with stragers” exercise at the supermarket, which panned out to be really interesting. (i find it acutely stressful at times)

I started to glance at these check-out people’s name-tags, look at them - identity them as people with a “name” …then wrote about how these people made me feel when i came back home.

Similar to you, some checkout people made me feel very comfortable, others didn’t (generating strong yuck/stress response). By identifying the cashiers where check-out was especially unpleasant, i was then able to avoid these scenarios by consciously choosing to line up at another check out with my next round of shopping. Sometimes even opting for the ‘longer’ lines because the check-out person is someone i feel very comfortable & even “chatty” with, so i’ll have a higher probability of exiting the buildling feeling a whole lot better.

Doesn’t stop me from being how i am, i still shop at “vampire hour” when it’s a lot less crowded to minimise my body’s stress reponses. Making really small adjustments like that has really helped to make something i naturally find incredibly stressful to become a lot less unpleasant.

Another thing i do as an experiment/exercise, is to try and walk in a straight line on the street, and see which humans make-way for me vs the humans that intimidate me so much that i have to make way for them …then come back home, write about all the who/why of what happened. I was walking mega zig-zag paths before …and it’s been a really interesting experience to try and walk in a slightly straighter line.

It helped realising that there were many nice/interesting people in my town because my eyes weren’t so heavily focused on my feet. I got better at recognising the signs of people i like. These days, if i ever get really good feelings like that with someone, i know that the other person is going to be a potential friend.

Although i’ve experienced great progress, i’m not immune. I’ll always be hypersensitive and while that has a set of disadvantages, it’s also a gift in other ways.

Thumbs up to drama classes, or theatresports - even better if you feel comfortable with the group.

I haven’t read all the replies so I don’t know if this has all already been said, but I just want to say how glad I am that I’m not the only one. I am constantly trying to read people’s judgment of me. Looking at their faces, I always see something negative and get convinced that they think I’m an idiot. The minute I think ‘I’ve messed up, this is going wrong’, whether it’s talking to a boy, an interviewer or a friend - my brain entirely deserts me and I either stop talking altogether and lose the ability to make eye contact or I just come out with totally idiotic things that I would never normally say. The thing I’ve found really helps lately is working on my self-image and how I view myself. I take a deep breath and remind myself that I am smart, I am worth knowing. Instead of obsessing about what they’re going to think of me after everything I say, I concentrate on them and force myself to look them right in the eye, maintain eye contact and actually properly listen to what they are saying. Being interested in what people have to say is a really nice quality that everyone appreciates and keeping a steady eye contact will, after a while, help you to feel closer to the person and make you seem more confident. Being assured that you are a good person to talk to is what makes you a good person to talk to. Nothing more, nothing less.

This helps:
a href=”http://www.wikihow.com/Have-Presence”>http://www.wikihow.com/Have-Presence /a>