racist help: My boyfriend is prejudiced (verging on racist) should i leave him? - Help.com

In a word “Yes” - more because of the rude way he treats you; that is uncalled for.

If not for the rudeness I would have said “Why not help him not be prejudiced” but it is clear he has more problems than just that.

Wow… I’m amazed he’s dating you. How long is “a while”? I really can’t relate though because I’m not all that familiar with Europe. In the U.S. race relations are experiencing a dramatic change in a short time. Parents who would never have dated someone from another race do not understand their children. Same as it ever was.

I would say leave him but then again I can’t say that since you two seem to be so close, if you know he feels the same as you do with the soul mate feeling then there is no reason for you to have to leave him just ask him to respect you and your feelings…
My brother in law who passed away was very racist we got into some heated arguments until one day I just said I respect you enough not to make fun of rednecks so why don’t you have the respect for me since I’m related to you now to tone your racism down while I’m around… he did. Sometimes it just takes a little serious conversation to at least get the respect part down.

Your boyfriend may not change his views or if he does it’s going to take years, but it’s up to you if you are willing to work with him and its up to him if he wants to change. He will probably always harbor some sort of prejudice though.

I seems as though you two need to have a very long talk about your future together. If he was remorseful when you pointed out how his behavior was offending and hurting you, it seems he is very likely to come around. From what you say it appears that he cares very much about what other people think about him and this is why he is acting the way he does. That is something he needs to get over. He must be able to introduce you to friends and especially family without worrying about what they think, and if he truly loves you this will be very easy for him to do.

Once you talk to him and tell him pretty much everything you spoke about in this post, you will know if you are wasting your time or not. Either he will get the message and make that extra effort to change and treat you the way he should, or nothing will change and you will know it is time to move on. But if you do not talk to him about all of this I am afraid you will not have very much closure and you will only wonder “what if” you had talked all of this through with him.

You are quite obviously a smart, intelligent, successful, and passionate woman–and I think you will find the answer if you simply sit down and talk this out rationally with him. He needs to be able to accept you only for what you are and leave all prejudice and stereotypes at the door. If this is not something he can do, then you certainly deserve better.

Hmmmm, I wouldn’t be so quick to say yes dump him. He obviously cares for you, and the word soulmate is a very strong word. Have you tried talking to him, maybe he just tries to act up for peers acceptance, which is daft but something that can easily be resolved! People can say things they don’t mean in certain situations, I’m sure he’s proud of you and loves you. It’s an issue but is it worth ending a ’soulmate’ relationship over. He must have plenty of good and decent qualities, and going over to Africa to help… excuse me for presuming… ‘poor, prodominately black inhabited parts’ seems very unpredjudice.

I know this analegy may be frowned upon because race is a very sensitve subject but if you were a smoker and he made the same comments would that make him predjudiced?

So some of those people never saw blacks before? You have to remember, to them, all people are white and to suddenly see someone (not just a picture but a real person) that is black, may be a bit startling. If you had grown up around all blacks, think of your first response on seeing a white person.

I personally grew up around both so it doesn’t make a difference to me.

I really don’t know why you are asking the question as you know that by needing to ask it you already have the answer.
You know how you feel about being excused for being what you are.
If your partner is not proud to be with you because of who you are then are you proud to be there with someone who feels like that about you?