depression help: Right now I just feel like dying and I want a cigarette so bad. - Help.com

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Switching meds and trying to quit smoking at the same time is gonna be hard. Quiting smoking alone is hard. Trying to quit cold turkey can drive you crazy, I’d recommend cutting back at first to make it a little easier. You are doing good, you took the first step towards quitting. Why don’t you talk to a friend? If that’s not an option a journal has always helped me through hard times. It’s nice to just write out everything you have to say without worry. Whatever you do though, don’t hurt yourself. It’s not worth it.

Please don’t smoke again, I know how it feels to lose someone to lung cancer because they smoked cigarette.
I’m sorry that I don’t have much experiece with medication and stuff of that kind.

But why do you think you can’t just go and talk to them?
Do you want to talk to them?
And you know hurting yourself isn’t gonna make things better, it’s only gonna make you feel like you’re doing even worse.
So stop hurting yourself.

I know how it feels to just “want someone to fix you” it makes a lot of sense. But no one can really do it except yourself.

Sounds like a really bad time to try to quit cigs right now…

Anon, I do a bit of sound engineering and computer networking, and I have a big duffle bag of wires in my closet. CAT 5 cable, power cables, RCA Cables… and, no matter what I try to do, every time I open the duffle, the damned things are tangled into one great big ball.

There’s no use in trying to just pull one of those cables loose - the knot just tightens up. What I have to do is start on just one cable, and slowly and carefully unwind it from the rest. Then I start on the next one.

And that’s why the docs tell you you need to come in and talk to ‘em. They have to slowly un-knot all these problems so you don’t feel so tangled up all the time. Medicine isn’t gonna “fix you,” it’s just gonna handle the worst of the symptoms - its the talking that does the fixing.

When it comes to the docs, they’re pretty good at untangling things. You need to give ‘em one thread to start with, and they’ll run with it. They’ll ask you questions that will help un-knot all your thoughts. How are you feeling? Well, why do you think you feel that way? One by one, they’ll help you work it out. Start talking.

Just start with one thing, and let them guide the convo. Think of that duffle of mine, and let ‘em untangle you. ~smile~

I guess I am also frustrated with them because they won’t treat me for a thyroid problem even though I saw my lab results and my tsh is low. I was told that the doctors are probably just trying to get me to lose weight. However, they won’t say that to me. I am working on it myself but to be honest, the only time I ever lost weight I ended up starving myself. I almost feel like i need to do that just so they will listen to me. I hate that I know what is right for me but it is so hard.

Starving yourself isnt going to work cuz you just end up eating everything when you do eat again. Maybe you should start exercising more? It really does make you feel great and you lose weight. I know its hard, but things that are worth it are usually hard.

I know starving myself is not the answer. I just get so mad that the only time I ever lost weight was when I did starve myself. No matter how much I exercise and eat healthy it doesn’t work. I have increased my workout even more and I have seen no change. I just wish the doctors would look at something other than my weight because it is my hormones that are the problem.

Uh huh. What’s this, burning between my fingers? Believe me, I know what you’re about. ~sigh~

Still, you need to triage this thing - take care of the most important things first, and work your way down. Getting your head stabilized will make getting everything else together a lot easier; could be that they keep telling you that you need to fix the hole in the boat, while you’re all about how you look in a bathing suit. Stop diverting your attention from the doctors priorities. Once they get the first thing straight, you can go on to the tyroid thing.

Well the problem is that if they would work on the thyroid problem, that will actually help with my depression. I don’t have an imbalance in my brain, it is my hormone level. If they treat my thyroids I will feel better and lose the weight. Also, I am not worried about looking good in a bathing suit, believe me I have a long way to look good in one.

What do you mean you know what I’m about?

Knowing what’s right for you, but it being hard to do: I’m a smoker and a diabetic with a stack of cigarette packs in the living room and a jar of M&Ms in the kitchen. KNOWING what’s right doesn’t give you magic power to change it. I’ve got the willpower of a bloodworm. ~Grin~

Still - why not play ball their way? You seem adamant that this all should go your way in your order, and, frankly, doctors are arrogant ~ricks with a god complex. So its like two great rams banging their heads together. A lot of sound and fury, but not much movement in any direction.

Well another problem is that I am used to being around nurses because my mom is one and her friends are as well as my roommate and her friends. I am used to hearing that I should tell the doctors what I need them to do. I guess I am just sick of playing their game after 3 years. If they would just stop trying to use medicine for depression and do something about my thyroids then maybe there will be results. Everyone but the doctors tell me that is my problem.

Even my counselor, whom I see once a week and more than the doctor, says that it is my thyroids.

There you go again. You have definite ideas about what is gonna have to be done and in what order. But your original post was:

” b>I feel like I just need to talk to the doctor more, but I have nothing to say. I just want them to fix me. They say all I need to do is go in and talk to them, but I only go there for them to fix my medicines. It’s not like I can go in there to just talk. I haven’t been able to tell them I have hurt myself (i told my counselor) but I did tell them that I want to die sometimes. I just thought I was doing so much better and now I am starting to slip again. I hate this so much. /b>”

Seems like the only thing you’re Willing to say is “I know exactly whats wrong, and fix it this way.” You simply will not be able to resolve this problem by being bull-headed. Nurses aren’t doctors. Councilors aren’t doctors. Doctors are Doctors - nurses, whether they like it or not, Answer to doctors because Doctors know more than nurses. Councilors do heads, not guts. You can have a parade of non-doctors holding placards, but that wont change what the doctors see as their priorities.

I wish you luck; it’s time to get some sleep out here on the east coast. Gnite!